I wasn't finished. I told him he crossed the line the multiple times he stole my pain meds. He caused his own troubles. Not sure if I violated his privacy - not sure I should care. We have a lot to communicate about at this point re bills and stuff like that.

You are not staying married to him, so if you did what you did out of a moral concern, then let it go. If it was for revenge...well, you are still correct that someone needs to know...

but obviously the brother told your husband, so is that good or bad?
You have done what you thought was best, and now you have no further obligation...let it go, and let it end there.

oh, and his anger? I tend to discount all their anger as a control thing, or for being exposed, but I do know my son takes his privacy (he is now recovering) very seriously...so best to just let it end there.

I agree with blue, if you did it for his own welfare then so be it.

Yes I did it out of concern. I doubt his brother came right out and said I called - I think thru conversation my husband figured it out. It is done. Well if something happens to him due to drinking and or pills his family cant say why didn't you tell us this was happening. When he was drinking 15 years ago I kept his secrets until I was as sick as he was - not again.

When he first started drinking again last summer I told him I wasn't going to wait months nor years for him to hit his bottom - I refuse to live with an active alcoholic again - I did it for years before with him and I meant it and then I finally caught him stealing my pain pills - last straw. But I am the one that crossed the line - REALLY.

His anger is no longer your problem. You passed the information on our of concern. They can choose to help him, enable him, out avoid him. He should be accountable for his behavior and choices.

Enjoy the fact that the burden if his drinking is no longer your concern and get yourself some help to deal with that. I've been to a few Alanon meetings to deal with my emotions with my son's addiction and they've been great.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you did the right thing by letting his family know what's going on. Is he past the point of a joint intervention? Do you think there's any hope for him to get it together before you proceed with divorce?

At this point I don't think he wants help - if he was serious he would be going to AA. He has always been an angry person since he quit drinking 15 years ago also very moody. It is nice not having to deal with him everyday but I still have to deal with him about matters - we have a 17 yr old son and share a dog and other issues that we have to be in contact with about.

I am hoping to go to the same counseler I went to when we both went into recovery 15 years ago - I really liked her and she helped me a lot and she is still practicing. . Also alanon - I went for years after my husband went into rehab. I have broken ribs right now and too painful still to do either right now. I have been reading my alanon books and daily readers.

I was thinking about your situation this morning. How are things going?

You did the right thing. Both of my brothers are addicts. I don't deal with them while they are in their addictions. The way I see it, I don't speak "beer" or "pills".

My brother stole pills from our mother. Not when we were kids. I'm talking about 2006 when he was 34 years old. That's a crime and there is nothing confidential about it.

Since you caught your husband in the act of stealing your pills, not only is it not confidential, it is reasonable to talk about that in the divorce proceedings. Its a scary thing to see someone you trust stealing pills from you. It's also a very brave thing to be able to talk about what he did and is doing. So many spouses of addicts cover up the addiction or justify it in some way. You're doing a great job!

Be well.

ecotime47 - How are things going? - awful but thanks for asking - he is trying to bully me and make me do what he wants with his anger about another issue - I almost let him get away with it just so he would shut up but then I snapped out of it.

Alan246 - I did keep his secrets when he was drinking heavily years ago - but I am wiser now thanks to counseling and alanon after he stopped drinking 15 years ago. I will mention him stealing my pain pills in the divorce if I have to - it is plan B - like if he tries to take the house from me for example.

After the last couple days I am feeling like the verbally abused wife again.