Everyone else might tell you to let him flounder.
I couldn't and would chose my kid over my husband always.

I KNOW what spot you are in. Actually my b/f of 3 years thinks I enable my oldest too much and I do...it is also the reason we are on the verge of separation.

But, homeless shelters contain drugs. But on the other hand..if he is really "getting" it now...he will stay sober no matter what. But he may be felt let down because of the no bed situation and feel helpless because he hasn't had time to heal and his brain is still sick.

Your environment sounds good. Out and away from his access to drugs. Since he is willing to go to reahab. I would sit down and talk to my husband and ask him what boundaries would make him feel most comfortable to have my my son there until he got into the rehab that is ALREADY available to him. Like does he want him to stay in all the time..not go out....eat and rest....By the way? Can a Dr. prescribe him anything for his detox while he is out and not in a rehab facility? Because I know that they have to use so they are not sick (my son is a heroin addict) and in the last month he is in the methadone program and doing really well (meaning he has not used heroin because the methadone gives him relief without withdrawal).

I have 21 days of sobriety from alcohol. I went to a hospital and got IV fluids and they tried to find me a rehab and all beds were full. I came home with medication they gave me and GOT THRU The withdrawals. Because I was serious. Yes, the detox would be a safe haven. But it wasn't available to me and I really suffered and almost gave in a couple times.

I would bring him home with boundaries. And for me personally if my husband couldn't cope with it for a week or two? I would ask him to find somewhere to go for that week or two. To me this would be a matter of life and death for my son and I can tell your fighting for him to live. I would keep up that fight.

It does put you in a HORRIBLE place. An extremely stressful place. I DO KNOW THAT.

hoping, I can relate to the step parent, step child situation. My husband told me he "hates" my son, his step-son. He said it 3 times. Yes, it was in anger, but it still hurts. I hope your husband will get on board. He needs to remember that when he married you, he married your children as well. My husband STILL hasn't gotten it after 23 years.
I think you have every right to bring your sick child into your home. I realize you are probably somewhat dependent on your hubby, so that makes it harder. You are in a similar situation as I am. It stinks. I will pray for you.

I just read a fascinating article (link below) about best practices and treatment outcomes for opiate addiction. The recommendation is to expand the use of Suboxone in place of the standard 12 step programs. The relapse rate is much lower and the rate of deaths from overdose while in treatment is dramatically lower.

http://projects.huffingtonpost.com/dying-to-be-free-heroin-treatment

Is the program that he's been waiting for a 12 step program? Or do they offer Suboxone as an option?

You may want to consider finding a physician that is able to prescribe Suboxone while he is waiting, along with intensive outpatient therapy.

Wherever he goes, the pull of the drug is going to be there. The relapse is high with the best of intentions. Until he's in treatment, he's going to be very difficult to live with. This will also leave him with a soft place to land, which will make it easy to change his mind.

We took my son back in about two years ago when he lost his job. Then he lost his driver's license. He was stuck at our house out in the country and essentially planted himself on the couch for over a year. It was one of the most stressful periods in our life.

I recommend looking for a sober living environment, such as an Oxford House, within visiting distance to your home, but not necessarily in your home. I would not go with a homeless shelter, though. I'm with you on that.

Do I remember that your son is a veteran? Is there any help available through the VA or veteran's organizations?

Hi Donna, yes he is a vet, thankfully, he is currently in the VA program and talking with him yesterday, he also wants to stay where he is, there is an 'interim' place for him (not the best of places, but not the worst either and he's been there before) he stated that he would rather be there, where all the professionals are then to come here without any 'safety net' of counselors, meetings, etc. (this comment was a GREAT sign as before he would find every excuse under the sun). He did mention Suboxone, but he is working with them as he doesn't want to 'rely' on it, he use to check in before just for that reason, to get the suboxone as a 'half time' approach to his drug abuse. He has gained 10 lbs since he's been there. The BEST news was (in 2013 he was told by them he had Hep C)his Hep C is undetectable in his blood work ups. What a further blessing this young man has right? I think in his decision to stay there no matter what shows me he is in it to win it. Like he said 'there are drugs everywhere and it is up to ME to control my urges, to get it under control and be able to turn to my counselors and meetings for support."......

I'm hoping he continues on this path, sadly the 'protective' part of me will not allow any glee at this point. I'm thankful he is still alive, he has ALL his facitilites in tact, he has a mind set of getting it all together, REALIZES it will take time to get it all together and that he has ALOT of things to do to get on the right track.

All that being said, I'm continuing on with my life, and will give him support when he calls.

Thank you to all of you for your support and guidance and kind words.

Prayers and hugs to all!

I can't even imagine what you are going through. For it to be your child must be heartbreaking. Praying for you and your family.

Just to weigh in on the suboxone thing...my boyfriend as well as many family members use suboxone (for prior and current opiate addications). Sometimes they take it sometimes they sell it to get the drugs they actually want because believe it or not it still has a street value. I truly believe it is just a replacement drug. They still get messed up on it. They still nod off and act as if they are on drugs and I think it makes them very paranoid and moody (experienced it first hand). Not to say it is not a short term solution but it comes with long term consequences. I believe it is addictive as well.

Yes, Suboxone and methadone are both addictive. They are opiate replacements. At the right dose, neither one of them cause a person to get high. If they are actually trading it and taking other opiates, that would show up in a drug test. Any doctor who prescribes it should be doing routine drug tests for this. Anyone who tests positive should be kicked out of the program.

My son is using Suboxone right now and his doctor is very good about monitoring him closely, keeping his dose at the lowest level needed, and routinely drug testing him. I have never seen any evidence of him getting high from it or trading for other drugs.

So, it depends on the person and the doctor.

Would I prefer that he was completely clean and not dependent on Suboxone? Of course. But, that's not realistic. The chances of a person staying clean without first going through methadone or Suboxone treatment are very slim. I highly encourage anyone who wants to try it, but they should have this option in mind if they feel they are potentially going to relapse on heroin.

I have been there and chose not to help at that moment. My son got kicked out of a program and my husband and I chose not to help. He called his grandparents and they also declined. But I gave him an address of another place-he walked 10 miles thru horrible neighborhoods to get to this place. I knew if I went and picked him up he would beg to come home. So, After the longest 48 hours of my life he called to say he got there and they let him into the program! It was his last call for 30 days and we waited anxiously for that next call. When we talked on that 30th day he thanked us for not helping him so he could get the help he needed.
He's now 3+ years clean and sober!
I am praying that your son gets excellent help. And yes, take good care of yourself! It's so important.
Big hugs and prayers for you and your son