Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Haven't posted in a long time - here's my background. I knew my fiance from high school, we reconnected 9 years later when he was in the Marines. Most of our two year relationship was spent with him living on base on the opposite coast, or on deployment, etc. so I didn't know about his addiction (not that it was their job, but no one in his huge, close-knit family ever bothered to clue me in).
Anyway, he was discharged from the Marines and moved back home. Something was clearly wrong, and within four months I had confirmation he was abusing oxy, coke, and percocets, and had been since he was 21. I left as soon as I found out. I did the no contact thing and that seemed to work; within a couple of months he stopped trying to contact me.
I started therapy ASAP because I had a lot of grief to work through; we were one month away from our wedding when I left. I was a little surprised when my therapist wanted to talk about everything BUT my grief. And let me stress - I'm not looking to talk about my ex, I'm looking for a way to channel my grief and feelings of loss over "what could have been." I came to this support group to find out whether this was normal. I was told that it was; I had to focus on myself and not on this toxic relationship anymore. So, I stuck out the therapy.
Well, it's been a year and a half now and I don't feel as though I've ever been able to work through my grief. Last night, I had a very vivid dream that my ex's best friend came to me and told me that my ex had died last summer. It was a very odd dream; I told him I had no idea what he was talking about, but then went and researched and found the obituary. I have no idea what this dream means or if I need to find a new therapist???
I guess my question is, is a year and a half too long to spend in therapy without seeing results? Am I maybe seeing results, just not "seeing" them??
Anyway, he was discharged from the Marines and moved back home. Something was clearly wrong, and within four months I had confirmation he was abusing oxy, coke, and percocets, and had been since he was 21. I left as soon as I found out. I did the no contact thing and that seemed to work; within a couple of months he stopped trying to contact me.
I started therapy ASAP because I had a lot of grief to work through; we were one month away from our wedding when I left. I was a little surprised when my therapist wanted to talk about everything BUT my grief. And let me stress - I'm not looking to talk about my ex, I'm looking for a way to channel my grief and feelings of loss over "what could have been." I came to this support group to find out whether this was normal. I was told that it was; I had to focus on myself and not on this toxic relationship anymore. So, I stuck out the therapy.
Well, it's been a year and a half now and I don't feel as though I've ever been able to work through my grief. Last night, I had a very vivid dream that my ex's best friend came to me and told me that my ex had died last summer. It was a very odd dream; I told him I had no idea what he was talking about, but then went and researched and found the obituary. I have no idea what this dream means or if I need to find a new therapist???
I guess my question is, is a year and a half too long to spend in therapy without seeing results? Am I maybe seeing results, just not "seeing" them??
Dreams about death are usually symbolic. The fact in your dream that you don't find out about the death until some time has passed is also symbolic. The death could represent the relationship and the time passing represents that you weren't ready to face its death until now.
I would say that a year and half of being unsatisfied with your therapist is too long. It's time to find a new therapist. You should also get yourself to an Al-anon group meeting as well. There is something quite healing in being with others that have gone through the same things.
Going to counseling took me two years to finally be able to move on and even now at times I struggle but I keep moving forward.
I read the book Loveshock by stephen Gullo,ph,d and Connie Church it was a really big help and I know it helped me move on.
In my counseling sessions we talk about childhood, ex's she tells me I am grieving but I see where it is alot better.
A dream is a dream its your subconscience maybe its telling you your ex is dead to you, its time to move on. I do know that you shouldn't think or put to much in a dream as it can over take your life. As with alot of things it is better to say okay had the dream, and then move on.