Hi,,, and welcome, little unsure of what kind of advice your asking for , from what read in your post, I can tell you something your not going to like to hear,,,,
Your house right now is in a total unstable sight ,,, you have obviously put up with your husbands behavior for sometime,, unfortunately our kids to react and become product of their environment ,,, my advice to you,,, take control of your surroundings,, you need to set boundaries , actually in a sense clean house ,,,,

When your husband becomes drunk and mean, you have two choices,, either walk away and refuse to be part if his abuse, or continue to keep being the punching bag, verbal abuse is worse then physical

My situation is not like yours,,, but addiction is the same,, read Katrina post , she would Beable to give you better advice,,

Sorry if I offended you, sometimes hearing reality makes us change what we can

I am truly sorry that you are going through this,,,,
We understand the trials of addiction

i would advice you to do what is best for your child....don't want him to grow up being addicted to alcohol and it sounds like it might happen. wishing you much wisdom and strength to do what you need to do

cardinal39, I know you are right..He has never hit me, nor would he ever. I think I exaggerated, he is not a "mean" drunk, but a self righteous, pompous drunk. I have been biding my time waiting for my youngest to move out. I was a child of divorced parents & I wanted to spare my kids that pain. We have always tried to not fight in front of them. I have explained to my youngest how prone he is to be an alcoholic & it runs in the family. He has tapered off, but not enough. You didnt offend me, my oldest son has pretty much said the same thing to me.. I try to leave him alone when he comes home like that, I just go in the bedroom & watch TV. It is just nice to have a place like this to vent...Thanks

Girl,,, you can vent here all you want,, that's what we are here for,,, however we only allow a few "pitty parties" until we tell you to put your big girl pants on!!
Welcome to the most amazing group,, you may not always like what we say ,,, but one thing is for sure,,, we care!!

When I was married to my first husband who was also an alcoholic I thought like you do. I was waiting around for kids to get grown so I could leave. Thankfully I only stayed 17 years. When I went to a therapist she pointed out that I was showing my children how a dad acts and that his actions were normal. We repeat what we are familiar with. Like you, I had alcoholic parents, married an alcoholic, divorce him and married a drug addict. Divorced him and after a about 3 years counseling I can say I will never waste another moment on someone who puts drinking or drugging above me. Addiction is hereditary plus environment we grow up in. I hope your son stops drinking soon so he doesn't repeat this pattern.

Katrinka, I know what your'e saying is true..my husband hasnt set a very good example & I have enabled him to do that. I feel guilty about that ALL the time. I have a confession, I havent loved my husband for about 5 years. I put up a good front though, I think he suspects sometimes, but doesnt want to face it. He is afraid I will divorce him & take half of the assets. I cant tell half the time how he feels about me, dont really care anymore. Im just hanging in there until my son moves out in March.

He's afraid you will leave and take half the assets that are rightfully yours. My daughter works for a divorce attorney and it shouldn't amaze me, but it does at how a person who loved another individual can do some really cruel mean things when it comes to divorce. Should you leave, make plans, take all you want and then fight over the stuff. So many woman think their husbands would never in a million years not give them their fair share, but they do all the time. One woman married 25 yrs, her ex took almost everything. When they brought the house he put it in his mothers name years ago, she had no idea. So judge says mother owns house. He also got rid of most of her stuff and after 25 yrs married had to start completely over.
Feeling guilty is not good for you, instead learning from past mistakes and growing and making healthy changes for yourself is most important. I should not of stayed 17 yrs, but I did. I don't really feel guilty about that sure I wish I had left sooner, but that did not seem an option at the time. When I did leave my children asked, "What took you so long?" Out of the mouths of babes!

Katrinka
I am actually afraid of that. My husband has always been a real momma's boy. His mother has always been a constant presence in our marriage. I could easily see him putting everything in her name just to screw me over. BUT, I know a couple of damaging facts about his finances he probably doesnt want anyone to find out about. I hate to admit it, but I would use that knowledge as blackmail if I had to...