Welcome, I'm glad you found us. I you have my sympathy and empathy. I know because I have been in your exact shoes. Here it is 35 years and two ( grown) children later and nothing has changed in regards to my husband's alcoholism. It is a very difficult life trying to love an addict. I wish I knew then what I know now. What I have learned : unless your husband REALLY ReALLY wants to get sober .... he probably won't. At least mine did not and I parented alone. Take your time in deciding on a baby just yet. Decide if this marriage makes you feel safe happy and fulfilled. We are always here to talk .

These are just my two cents as someone who is married to an alcoholic with a 20-month-old son and a baby on the way....children will not make things easier or force him to get sober. My husband said the same thing after our son was born, and that turned out to be just another broken promise of sobriety. If and when he quits, it will be on his timeline and on his terms. Nothing you say or do is going to force him to stop drinking.

I can understand you wanting to plan for children at 30-years-old, but you are by no means beyond your childbearing years. I know several women who have had perfectly healthy babies at 40+ years old. Please don't let your desire to have children right now be the deciding factor in having a children with an alcoholic husband. Raising children with two non-alcoholic parents is hard enough. I don't regret my babies, but I once had the same mindset as you, and now I feel so much guilt over the fact that I made selfish decisions based on my husband's promises. Your future children deserve to be raised in a stable environment with parents who have a healthy relationship. Also, when my husband is drinking, I can't even trust him to take care of our son, so there's that added stress.

My husband recently relapsed. I'm now 29 weeks pregnant, and every little kick or movement my baby makes brings me anxiety instead of joy because I know the environment I am bringing my child in to.....it is not a happy existence and not the way you would want your pregnancy to be.

I hope you find strength and clarity. Take the time to really think about the potential consequences of having children with your husband before you do it. You may end up going at it alone if his drinking gets bad enough. I'm almost at the end of my rope and am currently contemplating moving out of our home after my second baby is born to protect my children.

When I married my husband, he was 23 and a heavy drinker. I thought he would grow out of it. Then I thought that getting married he would want to be a better person. With every child I had, we have two, I thought he would want to quit to be a better parent. It seemed to make it worse. It was like the more resonsibility that was piled on made him want to drink more. Now my boys are 15 and 13 and he hasn't parented hardly at all, let alone been a good partner. What I realize now, is that he was never mature enough to be in a relationship and have a family. I think the idea of it he liked, but was never able to really sacrifice and give of himself the way people should in this situation. I've been a single parent raising my boys and a mother to my husband. Not a happy road to choose. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone contemplating children with an addict.

I agree with all previous posts and have to add even if an addict stops drinking that could possibly be the beginning of another less noticeable mind altering substance they can just swallow-pills.
I have seen an addict get much worse after stopping drinking and making this switch. Able to go to work -fully numbed now-but without any alcohol odor and function enough to get by- for now anyways.