It's tough advice, but the best thing you and your family can do is stop supporting him. He needs to hit bottom and have to make the decision to change his life. Have you attended Al-Anon? Some folks find it very helpful. Sometimes tough love is the best love.

Thank you for your reply, keepmovin. We have not attended Al-Anon. We are no longer supporting our son, but I suppose we had a mega-dose of reality when he was put in jail a week ago.

My husband and I are committed to tough love, but are struggling to come to terms with having a child who has chosen this path...lots of self-blame. Neither my husband nor myself ever smoked, drank or did drugs. We raised our children in a Christian home, were always very involved in their lives, and all the things that good parents are supposed to do. Our son left home a self-supporting responsible young man and traded it for this other life.

We just don't understand...we don't understand addiction, why he'd choose this path, if the real him is still in there somewhere, if he truly believes he has "everything under control" like he tells us or if he's lying and scared to death. So many questions, and new ones every day.

He's telling us that if he were really an addict, he'd be going through "major withdrawal" since he's been locked up for a just over a week. I told him that I don't think that's necessarily true...lots of addicts can go without drugs and/or alcohol for weeks or even months, but eventually revert back to it. Hence the term addiction. Am I wrong? To me, proof positive is the fact that I found out he bought drugs on May 30th and therefore didn't have enough money to pay his rent. His girlfriend "loaned" him rent money for May AND June before cutting him off.

How in the world does a parent ever learn to cope with all this pain?

My heart goes out to you...I do not have a child with an addiction. I did have a spouse who was an alcoholic. My spouse was hospitalized many many times and each time went through withdrawal only to return to his addiction when he got out. He had all the support meds to help him continue on his sober path, but chose to simply drink.

My spouse was not a success story. But, I have seen a few. And, yes, your "real" son is in there somewhere. Once he gets sober, you will see him.

I do believe the signs your seeing are indicating he is actively drinking/drugging. As you are aware, addicts lie to protect their addiction. They are expert manipulators.

You may want to consider Al-Anon or some type of support group in your area. It helps to know that others can totally relate, just as on this board.

Keepmovin...I'm so sorry for your loss. I feel that our son has died and some stranger has taken his place. I thank you for saying that the real him is still in there somewhere...I want to believe that. Several people have suggested Al-Anon. Guess it's time to find one in our area.

Thank you, again, for taking the time to respond to me.

My heart breaks for you and your family. I too have a son who is an opiate abuser. I have two boys and both are totally opposite. I cannot figure where things went wrong but I do know that as hard as it is, we cannot blame ourselves. This is the path they chose. I also hope that this is not their destiny! They say it is never too late, but sometimes that just is not a believable statement. I will keep your family in my prayers. Tough love is the only way to go....although very difficult to follow sometimes. Hang in there!