Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I'm venting it out here because if I don't I may LOSE MY MIND.
I should've listened to everyone around me. I should NEVER have let him back in the door. I WAS happy, I was accepting of how his life was and is and I was living fine with that. My hubby and I were beginning to be happy again.
BUT that has flown out the door, so has everything else. Right now, I just wished I didn't have to go through all this bull crap again. I hate my life. I hate my kid. Honestly! He is NOT the child I raised by ANY MEANS...
So he came back on what Saturday? And yesterday, he had a 'plan' for the day. Had to go to the DMV for the hearing for getting his license back, he sat for 1 1/2 hours and the officer just gave him a paper and told him he was all set....then he dropped his resume to some place his VA coordinator gave him, then he went out to lunch with a friend and drank, REALLY? Then came home and was an IDIOT!
Yup, rule one broken, NO DRINKING, NO DRUGS....so THEN I found a bottle of Seroquel prescription in his back pack and it is in a name that I believe is tied to his birth father....REALLY? So the old man got him some prescriptions to take that aren't meant for him? HONESTLY? Apple, Tree, should I say more? I didn't say anything last night, as I learned from his birth father, there is NO use in talking to someone who is DRUNK!
I told him to sleep it off, we would talk in the am....the hubby thinks we had 'just a fight', didn't want to deal with HIS being mad at ME as well, because THAT is how it would go, it always does, I'M the bad one, I'M the one noone talks to when the crap hits the fan on high! Why ME? I don't drink, I don't do drugs not even an Aspirin and I AM THE ONE everyone get's pissed at when something is wrong....
I can tell you, I could get on a plane and take off and NEVER look back. I'm good and pissed right now and I'm HURT.NO not even HURT, I'm feeling nothing but pissed honestly...I HAVE no feelings. I just want peace and quiet in my home! I want a kid that goes to work EVERYDAY, that earns a living, that doesn't talk rag time when he opens his mouth.
So, he won't like the convo today for sure. He can do one of two things. 1.) GO TO A DR. and get help he needs therapy and dual diagnosis no if ands or buts OR 2.) GET THE HELL OUT
So he can take his pick.
Is it totally possible to have no feelings? To forget what LOVE really is? I don't have patience or rational thinking, I just get PISSED! Love means listening and caring and dealing. i don't have ANY of that! I'm scared that I have NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE TO ANYONE anymore. I don't believe ANYTHING anyone tells me anymore.
They say a mistake is something you do once, but doing the SAME thing expecting different results is insanity.....just to clarify, I'M INSANE!
I should've listened to everyone around me. I should NEVER have let him back in the door. I WAS happy, I was accepting of how his life was and is and I was living fine with that. My hubby and I were beginning to be happy again.
BUT that has flown out the door, so has everything else. Right now, I just wished I didn't have to go through all this bull crap again. I hate my life. I hate my kid. Honestly! He is NOT the child I raised by ANY MEANS...
So he came back on what Saturday? And yesterday, he had a 'plan' for the day. Had to go to the DMV for the hearing for getting his license back, he sat for 1 1/2 hours and the officer just gave him a paper and told him he was all set....then he dropped his resume to some place his VA coordinator gave him, then he went out to lunch with a friend and drank, REALLY? Then came home and was an IDIOT!
Yup, rule one broken, NO DRINKING, NO DRUGS....so THEN I found a bottle of Seroquel prescription in his back pack and it is in a name that I believe is tied to his birth father....REALLY? So the old man got him some prescriptions to take that aren't meant for him? HONESTLY? Apple, Tree, should I say more? I didn't say anything last night, as I learned from his birth father, there is NO use in talking to someone who is DRUNK!
I told him to sleep it off, we would talk in the am....the hubby thinks we had 'just a fight', didn't want to deal with HIS being mad at ME as well, because THAT is how it would go, it always does, I'M the bad one, I'M the one noone talks to when the crap hits the fan on high! Why ME? I don't drink, I don't do drugs not even an Aspirin and I AM THE ONE everyone get's pissed at when something is wrong....
I can tell you, I could get on a plane and take off and NEVER look back. I'm good and pissed right now and I'm HURT.NO not even HURT, I'm feeling nothing but pissed honestly...I HAVE no feelings. I just want peace and quiet in my home! I want a kid that goes to work EVERYDAY, that earns a living, that doesn't talk rag time when he opens his mouth.
So, he won't like the convo today for sure. He can do one of two things. 1.) GO TO A DR. and get help he needs therapy and dual diagnosis no if ands or buts OR 2.) GET THE HELL OUT
So he can take his pick.
Is it totally possible to have no feelings? To forget what LOVE really is? I don't have patience or rational thinking, I just get PISSED! Love means listening and caring and dealing. i don't have ANY of that! I'm scared that I have NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE TO ANYONE anymore. I don't believe ANYTHING anyone tells me anymore.
They say a mistake is something you do once, but doing the SAME thing expecting different results is insanity.....just to clarify, I'M INSANE!
Your only human, and a mother , You saw some changes in your son, because he was not living under the same roof,,, I agree no is no and yes is yes,,,, we do not owe any of our kids regardless if their addiction is of substances,,,
Be patient, calm,, and put you hand sideways between your head and your neck,,,, that where your voice level should be,,,, big hugs,,
Hugs
Kim
hugs to you
sweetie, I know it sounds crazy, but one of the things that helps me is water sounds... my fountain or ocean sounds tape, and a great smelling freshener of some sort... breathe, close your eyes and escape...
thinking of and praying for you. K
So I had a LONG talk with him yesterday morning and he got it. THEN he also got his deposit money from his 401K in his bank account. He had a couple things he needed to get for his guitar, I took him, and he was so happy, he played his guitar for about 3 hours. Then he was going out with one of the neighborhood kids (one that I LIKE and know is not one of 'those' kids)....he came in about 9:30 and came up talked for a minute to us then said he was going to bed. I got up at 11:58, he was down stairs watching tv. I got up again at 3am and all lights and tv down there where off and a plate in the sink, so I figure he's sound asleep, get up AGAIN at 4:45am with the hubby to find no sneakers in the foyer, he's nowhere to be found, the hubby noticed he went out the garage back door....so I called his cell, he picked it right up and said he was at that friends house, that he stayed over there. I LOST IT.....it was ONE OF THE HOUSE RULES...NO GOING OUT AFTER GETTING BACK IN FOR ANY REASON! And I KNOW his friend works early in the a.m.
So he gets some $$$$ and sneaks out?
I guess I'll NEVER EVER trust him again as long as I live, bottom line. And HOW freaking HARD is it to follow the freaking rules? SERIOUSLY.......
Has he paid ME back the 55.00 I paid to get his electric guitar out of hawk in October? NO....but don't worry, I'm hiding that puppy.
I'm just SICK and tired of being the door mat.
So I called the hubby who is on his way to work. All I get is "i'm sorry honey..." REALLY? It was HIS idea to let him come back home.......WTH?
I wished he left the day before when he was drunk and packed up all his shit.
Oh, he can talk a good talk, but stumbles at trying to do the walk.
He is a CARBON COPY of his birth father, which ticks me off EVEN MORE!
I hate my life right now. I hate him. I can honestly say that I have NOT ONE OUNCE of love for that kid. Sad but TRUE. He has done nothing but break my heart OVER AND OVER AGAIN. He uses me, he steps all over me and all of it with a freaking smile on his face. I want to wipe that stupid ass smile off his freaking face.
And worst part is, and he has NEVER stolen from us, not even a dollar or change, but I don't TRUST HIM IN MY HOUSE ALONE and today, I gotta go to work and I have an appointment to have my hair done. Which takes 2 hours, sounds like THAT won't happen.
I HATE MY LIFE! Kim, I'll take that one way plane ticket to sanity ANYTIME!
OMG, sometimes I just don't want to go through any of this, I want to be with my Mom and Dad.
Welp, think it's time for a call to the therapist and start seeing him again. Or better yet, I should go down and pack up his crap again and kick his happy butt to the curb. At least now I know he can afford a room for the night. Too bad he couldn't play by the rules, save up his $$$ and get his crap together.
He's your son, your human and most parents want to help their children, children grow up but their still our children to us.
I disagree with your sister, I think at times your son does want to change, but the addictive brain keeps calling him back. Besides isn't that the pot calling the kettle black.