Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I find myself feeling more than tired. I think I am actually waiting for my brother to ask for help and stick to it. There are days I feel hope is leaving me and the feeling is frightening and numbing, to say the least.
I guess, I am tired. Really tired of it all. Yesterday I had this thought. It was the first time after all these years that I thought it might be better if he never left his world. Better for me.. I caught myself feeling exhausted at the sheer idea of having to go through all the stages when he finally gets into recovery, which is still a very distant dream anyway.
I rarely write on this board to ask for support, but I think I need it. Wanting your own brother to keep on with his addiction so as not to have to deal with the recovery drama is not a healthy thought. Something is very wrong with such a thought.
For the newcomers, my brother has been a heroin addict for at least the past 8 years. He left home two years ago to "support" his heroin addicted g/f who he got pregant. That was the last time I saw him. We dont talk. He does call my parents, but only to ask for money. The enabling has stopped though. They are both jobless, of course.
Any thoughts, anything?
I guess, I am tired. Really tired of it all. Yesterday I had this thought. It was the first time after all these years that I thought it might be better if he never left his world. Better for me.. I caught myself feeling exhausted at the sheer idea of having to go through all the stages when he finally gets into recovery, which is still a very distant dream anyway.
I rarely write on this board to ask for support, but I think I need it. Wanting your own brother to keep on with his addiction so as not to have to deal with the recovery drama is not a healthy thought. Something is very wrong with such a thought.
For the newcomers, my brother has been a heroin addict for at least the past 8 years. He left home two years ago to "support" his heroin addicted g/f who he got pregant. That was the last time I saw him. We dont talk. He does call my parents, but only to ask for money. The enabling has stopped though. They are both jobless, of course.
Any thoughts, anything?
bhamguy, I'm past the wondering of whether I'm a good or bad person as far as my standpoint towards my brother is concerned, at least I think so...I've been there of him with all my heart and soul, but he kept pushing me back. I have acted with anger and even rage towards him too.. Kept banging my head against the wall. Until I couldn't do it anymore. No head left to bang..
He recently contact my godfather, something he's never done before. He was never really close to him anyway, which makes his move even more suprising. He asked him for money. I did away with the embarrasment in me and told my godfather that he did well not giving in.
But my brother blamed me again. He said that if I were in his shoes he would have been there for me, meaning that I am not there for him.
Sweet Jesus.. I thought I'm past the guilt trips, but I see now he still has a hold on me. I want to shout into his head that I am not the one that made him use. I always was there when he needed me. Heck, I left the country to stay with him as he was recuperating from an accident, that I now know in my heart was cause by him and only him.
I've fought battles with myself about me being a good or a bad person.. I suppose it's a symptom of codependency, right?
I know what I have to do, I need to regain my focus on me.
I don't talk to anyone about The Issue; only rarely do I open up to my fiance, but then again I keep it very, very short. Like a little update every once in a couple of months. He seems tired of it as well.
My brother told my godfather that he took the baby, well she is a little child now, to the hospital with... police escort!
I'm not even sure if such a thing can happen here. Maybe he was playing his "feel sorry for me" card.. But if it did happen, how it can not be a wake up call??!!!
He also said that sometime in the summer, he the girlfriend and the baby will all come to live in the family house. That he has "rights".
I can't tell you how wrong that would be for so many reasons. It would kill my parents, literally. I think it won't happen anyway, he's said loads of things in the past.
He called my father, thankfully my mom picked it up and he asked for money. He was shouting at her. My mother is a sweetheart, you know..
I'm terribly confused, hurt and yes, angry.
And I really, really need to talk..
Thanks for listening!
I totally agree with holdontohope...every word.
Also, in the alanon book, the wife of the infamous bill says that during the recovery phase she got so mad at him she threw a shoe at him...(this after moving like 25 times in one year in rooming houses) anyway, the book says lots of families get used to dealing with the old way and want the addict back, not someone who now has a say in things....and this lady was a professional mother theresa...so if she can think crap, so can we...
Hugs to you, the road is long, the journey is the destination.
You've learned a lot and I know you are able to detach and not enable but we all have flash back moments.
Hope today was a better day for you. :)