Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Hi i have been with my partner now for 15 years we were sweethearts and have now had a lovely little boy who has just turned 2
life is sweet at times but now I'm coming to terms that 80% of the time if not more isn't
my guy has been abusing drink and blaming me this has been happening more since we have had our little boy but was happening before , he will drink 3 pints a night at least and weekend can go for 8 or more as well as mixing it with cocaine if he really goes for it and when he does this he will do a midnight flit sadly on his own into town and come bk the next day where he will get into our bed and 9 times out of 10 urinate himself where he isn't in control of his body , he then gets a sense of regret says sorry and repeats the whole process again, i outed him to his family and mine but this seems to have increased the stress i have myself now as he blames me for causing his family distress with his troubles , his parents are supportive but nothing is making it stop , he is so confusing as we share the best times with each other and then it goes wrong he drinks gets down and causes arguments and blames me he insults me calling me fat ugly and is draining me of any self confidence and self worth yeh yeh yeh people say leave but i don't want to i know the man he used to be and crave for him to return but don't know if he will , then have this feeling of if i leave him he will get better and have the life we should have had with some one else and this kills me I'm in dispare and don't know what to do help me please
life is sweet at times but now I'm coming to terms that 80% of the time if not more isn't
my guy has been abusing drink and blaming me this has been happening more since we have had our little boy but was happening before , he will drink 3 pints a night at least and weekend can go for 8 or more as well as mixing it with cocaine if he really goes for it and when he does this he will do a midnight flit sadly on his own into town and come bk the next day where he will get into our bed and 9 times out of 10 urinate himself where he isn't in control of his body , he then gets a sense of regret says sorry and repeats the whole process again, i outed him to his family and mine but this seems to have increased the stress i have myself now as he blames me for causing his family distress with his troubles , his parents are supportive but nothing is making it stop , he is so confusing as we share the best times with each other and then it goes wrong he drinks gets down and causes arguments and blames me he insults me calling me fat ugly and is draining me of any self confidence and self worth yeh yeh yeh people say leave but i don't want to i know the man he used to be and crave for him to return but don't know if he will , then have this feeling of if i leave him he will get better and have the life we should have had with some one else and this kills me I'm in dispare and don't know what to do help me please
Addicts have to first admit that they have a problem and then want to get help which clearly he's not on that page yet and as you explained sounds like he never will be, at least not anytime soon.
Your baby and you deserve to be loved/cared for in a stable non abusive environment; No he may haven't hit you but verbal abuse can hurt just as much or more than a punch to the gut, been there done that, ain't doing that no more! Same with the blame game, abuse because he's not having the balls to see that HE causes harm to himself, not you.
As far as causing his family distress they probably already knew who he is deep down but like so many families just sweep it under the rug, which isn't good and doesn't help.
You say people have told you to leave yet you stay, why? Please don't say because the baby needs him because from what you explained he's too wasted/stoned to be a good father. Plus believe it or not babies are smarter than you think and they can sense tension/stress/conflict between you guys. Has he been super fussy/clingy/crying more? Anything like those or something else you need to pay attention to because in the long run a happy/healthy baby with a single mom is way better than baby who grows up seeing the two people who are supposed to love/protect him from harm fighting all the time.
As for him, I'm all about second chances and I'm not saying he can't/won't finally seek out the help he needs, but like I said before right now baby and you are number one. Yes even if it means putting him out the house. Maybe then that'll be his wake up call to get help; And even then he needs to be in rehab working the program and staying on his own working/rebuilding himself to come home to you again.
Big hugs!
I understand the situation your in, my partner is an addict. Have you thought about attending Al - Anon meetings?
It sounds like you need some support and find ways to take the focus off your alcoholic/addict partner and look after yourself and your children. If you can do this you might become more clear minded and make a decision about whether you want a life with your alcoholic/addict.
Can you see a therapist?