Whatever you do, do not make threats unless you plan on following through. Like leaving your spouse, divorce, etc. They won't believe you, so make sure you can do what you say. Suggest counseling, treatment, AA etc. Go to al-anon yourself, it can help you deal and give you ideas. Seek counseling for yourself if need be. Most people with a problem don't know they have one or are in denial. Good luck! Message me anytime if you want. Hugs!

The hard part is he does know. He's told me. Yet he is so deep in depression I think he is denying it now and blaming me. :-(

He is very blessed and lucky to have you! I'm in deep depression and no family talks to me.

First of all, it is NOT your fault that he has this addiction and he can not get the proper help until HE is ready. You can get on to him everyday, you can give him an ultimatum (spelling?) and you can even LEAVE HIM and he still wont quit until he feels that he has a problem and admits he needs help. You say your in a 3 yr “relationship” so from what I read you are not married? Do you two have children together? I would recommend you sit down and talk to him, NOT yell and scream, NOT judge him but simply say “ I understand that you dont think you have a problem with your addiction but I do feel that its a problem and I used to look up to you and now I fear that you are getting weak and this alcohol addiction is taking over you. Its not your fault, addiction is a strong killer and I dont want to let it take over your mind, body and your entire life and as you said yourself im the fault for your drinking so I feel its best were not together because since you feel im at fault (according to you) then with me outta your life you can quit drinking and be the old you I fell in love with. But by the way I KNOW ITS NOT MY FAULT and addicts will look to put the blame on anyone but themselves, however I do love you And even if your changing your mind now and going to tell me its not my fault afterall I still cant help but wonder if youll always believe it is. Maybe I annoy you and pressure you so I want outta this relationship. If the day ever comes when you truly want help and are going to get PROFESSIONAL HELP I will be by your side, if not as your girlfiend atleast as your friend”. And go from there. But as someone already said DONT MAKE EMPTY PROMISES!!! That is the last thing u wanna do. Say youll leave and then dont. Once you do that once hell know your full of BS threats and hell just get worse n worse. Gd luck.
PS if he has or does get physically abusive call emergency asap bcuz some jail time and court ordered classes WILL HELP HIM!

Dear advice,
I understand your situation for I am in the same place you are. I am trained in dealing with those with substance abuse and mental illness and yet here I am married to an alcoholic who spends all our money on alcohol to self medicate.

You asked for advice and here it is...
You must trust yourself and take care of you. In the end the only actions we can control and change are our own. I know it feels like someone carving out your heart when you watch your partner getting deeper and deeper into addiction and you feel helpless. A few years ago I would have advised not to give up but I am learning the hard way that in the end the only person you can rely on is yourself to take care of you. You are worth it! You are not the one with the problem. I wish I could be there for you and hug you to help you stay strong. Know that I am sending my prayers and good thoughts your way.

There is nothing you can do for him but you can take care of you. Check out Al-Anon.org It has changed my life for the better and I live in peace today.