Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Today is my ten year wedding anniversary. I might have had two good years with my addict husband. I chose not to celebrate today and have explained to him that it doesn't feel true to myself to celebrate a year of hell. He said he respected the place I was in and will not push having a celebration. He has been clean for three weeks now.
He did send me this email this morning and I am taking hope from it as that is the only thing left I have.
"I can honestly say that I am more in love with you today than I was at the start of our romance, even the start of our marriage. Even through the haze of drugs, I was falling deeper and deeper in love with you. It's an awesome feeling to be so devoted to someone that I could count it as one of my blessings even as I floated through a hellish mix of paranoia, desperation, and pain. My hope is that you develop that feeling for me over the next 10 years. I am committed to being the "healthy" me that you love.
Let me set the record straight now about being "trapped" into a life with you. When you got pregnant with Kira, it was the best day of my life... even though I didn't know it for a long time after. It was the best day because it bonded me to you... and without her, I wouldn't have you anymore. It also created my family, the one thing that has anchored my desire to be the best man I can be.
Since I got home from Mike's house, every day has been one of the best... and one of the worst... days of my life. One of the best because I feel healthier than at any time as an adult. One of the worst because of the wake of devastation and destruction that I left as I found what I needed to live fully... and relatively pain free. I know I broke your heart, dented your soul, destroyed your faith in me, and knocked most of the joy from your life. And I know I can never "make up for it." What I can do--what I will do--is be the best man I can be every day for the next ten years... and beyond.
Your smile is still the single best part of any of my days. Your smile. "
He did send me this email this morning and I am taking hope from it as that is the only thing left I have.
"I can honestly say that I am more in love with you today than I was at the start of our romance, even the start of our marriage. Even through the haze of drugs, I was falling deeper and deeper in love with you. It's an awesome feeling to be so devoted to someone that I could count it as one of my blessings even as I floated through a hellish mix of paranoia, desperation, and pain. My hope is that you develop that feeling for me over the next 10 years. I am committed to being the "healthy" me that you love.
Let me set the record straight now about being "trapped" into a life with you. When you got pregnant with Kira, it was the best day of my life... even though I didn't know it for a long time after. It was the best day because it bonded me to you... and without her, I wouldn't have you anymore. It also created my family, the one thing that has anchored my desire to be the best man I can be.
Since I got home from Mike's house, every day has been one of the best... and one of the worst... days of my life. One of the best because I feel healthier than at any time as an adult. One of the worst because of the wake of devastation and destruction that I left as I found what I needed to live fully... and relatively pain free. I know I broke your heart, dented your soul, destroyed your faith in me, and knocked most of the joy from your life. And I know I can never "make up for it." What I can do--what I will do--is be the best man I can be every day for the next ten years... and beyond.
Your smile is still the single best part of any of my days. Your smile. "
still, it is a very nice, sweet letter. 3 weeks is not enough, and if he says all that in a sober year, THEN it would mean even more.
the first year they work to stay sober, the second, they learn why they became drunks, or drug addicts, and the third year they learn balance and how to live....his energy really needs to be on getting his act together and remaining sober... he needs to work hard.
And I wish him and you well.
my reserve is still up.
We do I have a long road ahead of us and I can't predict what the future will hold. I start seeing a therapist tomorrow for myself. We will start marriage counseling with his doctor who is engaged in his recovery.
At this time I am sitting back and watching for the evidence of true change.