Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

1,905 Members

8,121 Posts

0 Online

marg6300 08/09/2013

My son Justin has been living at home doing intensive outpatient treatment. It has been difficult to say the least but he is much better than he was. He has not done Heroin for 10 months. He has relapsed over the last year I guess more times than I care to admit. Today I'm not sure where he is because on Wednesday night after treatment he went to some guys house to play video games and did not return for 24 hours. When he finally came home he was wasted and picked a fight immediatly with his step dad. I had to get between him and my husband and I made him go outside. I then gave him 3 options. One was the hospital where they do crisis assesments and detox if needed, the other choice was the local homeless shelter or the third choice was the local treatment center that he has been to several times and hates. He of corse refused all of them but I told him he had to pick one as he could not come back into my house while he was high. He cried of course we both did but we took him and dropped him off at the hospital. I did not even wait to see if he got accepted. I have sat in that waiting room for hours and hours and last night I was just not doing it. I'm tired and pissed. I have done everything for the last 10 months to help him but he used and I'm tired of the excuses. My daughter who is 27 says we have to send him away, my husband agrees and so do I but I know Justin is not going to agree. I am bracing myself for what will be another heart wrenching discussion when we tell him he can no longer live at home, he must go and do some sort of residential treatment. I think he has manipulated me with his mental illness telling me he can't bare to talk to strangers and he can't bare to go to meetings well our home is filled with books on recovery and he will not read any of them, he will not go to AA meetings he does not work his recovery and I can see this and now I have to make a change. Does anyone know of FREE treatment centers. I refuse to spend another dime on his recovery, we have gone broke trying to get him clean and sober. I just want to have a few options for him when I tell him he can't do his recovery in my home...

dmatt124 08/09/2013

Oh, Marg, I'm so, so sorry. I know that you have done everything and I'm so proud of you and the way you approached this, so smart. I spoke with Sean and he said in Delray Beach, Florida DAF ( drug abuse foundation) he actually runs a meeting there once a week, they offer scholarships so you may want to look into that. I also know in a town near me, they have an outpatient program, you may want to look up your state run programs. I don't know what your religious background is but there are programs programs that are Christian based recovery programs that take a small donation. Just search under that heading. Please know that I am praying for you and Justin and the choice is his. If I can help in any way please let me know. hugs, my friend.

kimpalmer 08/09/2013

oh sweetie, I am sorry.. you are sounding very strong.. hold on... sending prayers for you and Justin... wish I had some options for you... whenever Sam gets out of jail, we will be in the same boat.. peace, k

jainlor 08/09/2013

based completely on my son's experience at the teen challenge in London, Ontario, I would recommend you look into a teen challenge in your area. the name teen challenge is misleading. it is actually for ages 18-99. it is faith based Christian residential treatment. we had to pay $100 registration fee and then $1000 for 12 months! they never asked us for more money but we gladly gave donations when we saw the success. I am truly sorry that you are going through this again. if only a mother's love was enough... I think you are doing the right thing by giving him those three choices. I will pray for you that God will give you much strength in the days ahead

blueviolet725 08/09/2013

I am sending you love and hugs.
I would check with the salvation army and local health department.
My son went to St. Christopher's in Garrison, NY. I know out here, in the midwest there are several places...I would think the hospital could do a placement. That is how my son got placed.
I think you are seeing things very clearly.
I am so sorry for the pain. But he is over 18 and indigent if he does not live with you and you will not support him, and that may open up many more doors to treatment. How about NAMI groups- national association for the Mentally Ill...do they have a group by you?
I will try to research on line. Hugs

cardinal39 08/09/2013

Oh sister,,, that feeling your going through know it so well,, your handling it with amazing grace,, we get to that point of us hitting "rock bottom ",, they have to want it,,, all we can do is allow them to get it,,, just stand firm on your boundaries,,,don't let the tears get to you,,, manipulation is the greatest way to keep the addiction going,,, unless they are completely mentally incompaciated that they no longer can function at all,,,, Justin had a moment to walk away,, and knew the outcome,,, there are consequences to every action,,, I remember the last episode with Katelin,,, dropped her off at the hospital for the fourth time,,, I was tired of sitting there,, waiting and waiting,, when she was able to manipulate the dr,,, I left,, she was the adult,, until they get it,, they won't stop,,, granted today I have not heard from her( but I know she is alive,, just recieved mail that she signed a paper how she needs state assistance,, because I got the c
hild support for Ava transferred to my name,,, for Ava where it belongs,, ,, I'm pretty sure she forgot to change the address,, I believe it's God's way of saying she is alive,,, I'm so at peace,,, there is even a number she has left,, I'm so proud of myself,, have not called it,,, she can go through all this,,, takes one phone call,, and one phrase mom I'm ready to come home,,,, is she clean,,, I am just going to go with ,, God is working,, and the light is on for when she returns,,, she claims she has bipolar,,, ok,, hopefully she is controlling that,,,
I'm living life with all the joy I have,,,,
I'm telling you,,, if only I coukd win the lottery I would deffinetly open a rehap that would help not the addict but their families ,,, I play 2$ a week keep your fingers crossed !!! Of course all of you would have to help me open it!!!

Praying for you,,,

Dance momma dance!!

blueviolet725 08/09/2013

Places to look into:
http://www.freerehabcenters.org/city/nc-raleigh
http://www.freerehabcenters.org/state/north_carolina
http://alcoholism.about.com/od/tx_raleigh/
http://raleigh.alcoholdrugrehabnc.com/
http://interventionamerica.org/Inpatient_Rehab/Searchdirectory.cfm?State=NC
http://raleigh.alcoholism-drugtreatment.com/christian-drug-treatment/
http://www.theagapecenter.com/Treatment-Centers/North-Carolina.htm
http://drugabuse.com/usa/drug-abuse/raleigh-nc/
http://voices.yahoo.com/three-drug-alcohol-rehabilitation-centers-raleigh-13696.html
http://www.firststepnc.com/
Southlight
SouthLight is a private, non-profit, United Way funded organization whose
mission is to eliminate addiction, abuse and misuse of drugs, including alcohol,
http://www.southlight.org/
http://www.cswf.org/North-Carolina/Raleigh/
WakeMed Rehab Hospital & Outpatient Rehab Facilities
WakeMed Rehab Hospital and Outpatient Rehabilitation Facilities - WakeMed
Health and Hospitals, Raleigh, (NC) North Carolina. http://www.wakemed.org/landing.cfm?id=58
http://nationalsubstanceabuseindex.org/north-carolina/facilities.php
https://www.thewatershed.com/state/north-carolina-nc-drug-rehab/
North Carolina Drug Rehab and Alcohol Rehabilitation Programs ...
Comprehensive addiction treatment information for citizens of North Carolina, ...
see the list of free or very affordable drug and alcohol rehabs in North Carolina.
http://www.choosehelp.com/northcarolina

I am going to write to where my son went and ask if they know a place...

bambusue 08/10/2013

OK, here's one other idea....let him seek help through his detox center. Let him ask for and seek help. THe energy he puts into that effort will count a long way toward his getting sober.

deleted_user 08/11/2013

It's with a heavy heart that I send you and your family my prayers and thoughts. You did everything you could and now he needs to figure things out. I'm wondering if the best approach from this point is to look into all the resoures mentioned but wait until he asks for help. That way you'll know he serious about getting better rather than giving him something he's not ready for?

beantown 08/12/2013

I'm thinking about you this morning. We got to the place you're in right now 3 weeks ago, but it's not a pretty place to be. I don't know what it will take for our addicts to give up their drug dependency but I just know that our family couldn't continue as we were. We have had no life to speak of for years, and every effort and sacrifice we have made to influence my son's life has been futile. I will continue to pray for our addicts, that God will intervene in their lives before it's too late. May the peace of the Lord be with you, and with us all.

marg6300 08/12/2013

thank you guys for all the love and support, it means the world to me. Well the hospital called to tell me Justin was indeed there(he could have called me to tell me he was there over the weekend instead of me worrying all weekend but no) and would I please come and pick him up?
I am planning on picking him up this evening and taking him home where we are all going to sit down and tell him he has 3 choices. the homeless shelter, a Teen challenge two hours from our home or a tenn challenge in VT our beloved home state that he always talks about how much he misses and wants to go back there.
He is going to not like any of these choices and will refuse and then i will have to make him leave and I am dreading this conversation so much.... I KNOW I have to do this but you all know how much this sucks.. He will tell me I am giving up on him.... I just hate how much it hurts him when I tell him he has to go He is like a 12 year old and who wants to kick out a 12 year old?? BUT I am doing this and you all need to pray with me for us. I am kind of hoping he picks the one in VT because My neice told me all about it and she is friends with the pastor who started it and he is a recovering guy with so much to offer Justin... anyway wish me luck...
Margaret

beantown 08/12/2013

I hope he surprises you and that this is what he's been waiting for--someone to push him toward recovery. I know how hard it hurts, but you are doing the right thing, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. Right before we took this step, I told my relapsed son who was feeling totally depleted and hopeless that even if he was giving up on himself, I'd been dam___ if I was giving up on him. God bless and enlighten you all today! :)

jainlor 08/12/2013

so glad you are going to give him those choices and for sure I will pray for you all today and in the days ahead. I know teen challenge has changed my son's life and he didn't even really want to go .....so much support from the other guys there also

patnard 08/12/2013

I'm sorry you have to go through this too but you are a strong person and I think you are making the right decision, please know that you, Justin and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers, I hope you get the answer you are hoping for.

cardinal39 08/12/2013

praying for you girl,,,, don't call it kicking out,,, it's a choice he needs to make,, its not giving up,,,,, your done giving in,,,,, it's been said before if only loving them was the perfect method,,, none of us would be here with the same problem,,,,, take one moment at a time,,, don't be hard on yourself,,,,, if we smother the problem,it only gets put out for the time being,,,,, stand tall,, be proud,,, your a awesome mom with a great son,who happens to have an addicition,,,, Its time Justin faces his troubles,,,,

Together we will stand at the finish line with open arms,,,,, for our childrens return,,,,,

Join the Conversation