Hi TLC IWENY THROUGH THIS MYSELF and no NA friend shouldnt "visit" him at all. As for the cigs and cash he needs? You shoudnt do that either .Rehab supplies food/snacks/drinks so he has everything he needs to "live" .if he wants a book to read , then sure, bring it to him on your next visit.Re Cigs they will help him get off of those too. Via the patch or gum . I allowed the very things you're asking about. and she was in rehab for 120 days and I lost her to that evil drug 68days later.He's an adult, and enabling them inany way onlyhurts them .

I totally agree No NA friend should visit him in rehab. I honestly think the reason he doesn't want my husband and I to come visit him tonight is because tonight we were supposed to tell him in front of everyone how his addiction has affected us and I think my son is still having a hard time breaking down those walls of denial and he's not ready to hear what we have to say. I just can't imagine them letting someone from an NA meeting come to support him in group session!

Hi TLC...
My daughter is 20 and voluntarily going into rehab today. She called and gave me a long list of things she wanted also. Calling cards, cigarettes, makeup, and the list goes on. She has been in a treatment hospital for 8 days with no smoking and she has survived, I can call her and she has a call a day so a calling card would be used to call anyone but us, make up seems a little unnecessary...it isn't a fashion show. When I refused to bring those items she lashed out and hung up. I am just starting to go through this process...I will include you and your son in my prayers.

TLC and sinkorswim, you are both at the early stage of rehab. At this point, they finish detox and think they have this thing handled because they are officially "off" the drugs. But they have not addressed any of the "stinking thinking" related to their addiction. They will be demanding, they may want to leave, and they may not want to face their families. This will eventually improve as the counselors work with them.

I agree that he absolutely should not be bringing someone that he met at an outside NA meeting. First, she is not a family member, so she has no place in a family group therapy meeting. Second, she could bring drugs to the meeting. There are plenty of people who are actively using drugs who are at NA meetings. My son's ex-roommate met a man at an NA meeting that was trolling for sex (they were both gay) and played the role of sugar daddy for awhile, providing heroin and other drugs.

Absolutely do not give him any money whatsoever, especially if he is making contact with someone he met at an NA meeting. That's a perfect set-up for him to use your money to buy drugs from her.

At my son's rehab, they had vending machines only for use by the visitors, in the main lobby. The facility provided healthy meals and snacks and did not want to encourage eating the unhealthy food in the vending machines. Pop was not allowed--nothing with caffeine. Some of the residents would go overboard on the pop so they could get a buzz from the sugar and caffeine. Cigarettes were also not allowed. The goal was to get the residents off of all substances, and that includes nicotine. As parents, we were allowed to bring cases of bottled water, individually wrapped hard candy, and other foods on an approved list that could not be tampered with. We could also send a nicotine patch.

If you want to see the guidelines about what's a good idea and what's not, the rehab center he went to was Rosecrance in Rockford, Illinois. They are listed on their website.

Don't let him make you feel guilty with the "everyone else does it" line. That's the attitude that probably got him started on drugs in the first place. He's going to need to lose that attitude if he has any hope of being sober when he gets out. Sobriety will mean that he can't drink alcohol when everyone else is or use any other type of substance. He might as well get used to it now.

Talk to the counselors and ask for their advice about the friend and the family program. Your son has no right to demand that you not go to the family program. It should not be his choice. This is therapy for you, too. You should let him know that you are planning on going to every family meeting, for your own benefit. He doesn't have to like it, but you will be there.

Do they have any "family members only" support groups? I found that to be extremely helpful. If you meet individually with counselors, as a family, you could also work through these issues at that time.

Good luck to both of you. The first couple of weeks are the roughest. It does get better as the drugs get out of their system.

OMG you guys make me feel so much better. It's awful how the addict can still play with your emotions when they are in rehab. I thought when he went to rehab things would get better, but it's only been a week so hopefully next week will be a better week! He's got a long way to go but it's up to him to change.

My son was in two places I was allowed to go to...no smoking on the campus at all. He did have a commesary i set up at the desk for about 20 bucks for toiletries...but even that,the lady in charge of our meetings said we were being too good to him. The second place he went, we only got to talk for an hour after a weekend long session, and I ate a lifesaver, and he looked at me and said :Mom- our hard candy is rashioned (how do you spell that?) and there is no pepermint, could I have one? And we had to discuss if it was ethical or not...a lifesaver...because rules are rules.
and hell yeah, he doesn't want you talking his business...but it is not all about him, it is about your family and their recovery. The letter my daughter wrote to my son got more of a gut reaction out of him than anything anyone said...and it was about what she went thru...talk to the person in charge, tell them everything and see what they say...
they may allow friends in, but there is a whole undercurrent of smuggling at these places, and if he just met her? I am thinking bad things.
So I say go, and address this too. screw it if he doesn't like it- you don't like his choices either. this is the time to address things.
and God bless you. stay strong and well.

My son is in rehab now,and bascially he has no money. Money is put into an account, and they take them food shopping and the tech pays for their order, if they want cigaretts, they submit a request and then a tech goes a buys it from their account. The only thing he does need is the calling card ONLY because he is calling long distance. He is out of state. Money is a trigger for many addicts, so that is why many rehabs are set up to teach them how to survive on little or no money. Lastly he does not want you at the meetings because he does not want you "to Learn". I have also felt that me attendings meetings aren't his choice, it is yours and because this has affected your whole family, you now have the right to learn how you can be healthy. So the family nights although designed to offer the addict support they are for you. One day at a time, you will never hear a mantra more True than that. Good Luck and we will be praying for you and your family.