Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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My son called, drunk

gordos4
gordos4
My youngest called again, drunk. He tried to act sober, but I know he wasn't. I think he feels obliged to call us every other day, partially out of homesickness. It just breaks my heart a little every time he calls drunk. I wish he wouldn't call so often, because most of the time, there is nothing new to talk about & he's been drinking. Am I an awful mom for thinking that way? This is the only place I have to really vent & ask advice, so thank you.
jainlor
jainlor
could he be calling as a cry for help cause out of all the people in his lonely world he knows you care? and when he's drunk he thinks of you and the life he once had. it is hard...will he get help?
gordos4
gordos4
jainlor,, I have BEGGED him to go get help. He always says "nobody is going to lock me up"..he tried the outpatient thing & gave up 2 weeks later. I know he's lonely, he's never felt comfortable around girls, & was somewhat of a loner in school, & very mature for his age. Now, since he's out on his own, I am thinking he left home too young. I feel so helpless, he's 500 miles away.
jainlor
jainlor
I am so sorry...hugs and prayers for you and your son. praying he will want help...soon...and getting help doesn't mean he has to be locked up as you know. there are many good good places free of charge
deleted_user
deleted_user
You're not an awful mom. It simply breaks your heart every time he calls and has been drinking. I believe he wants to hear the comfort of your voice. Perhaps he's realizing his life is spinning a bit out of control?

Unfortunately, as I'm sure you know, you can't make him get help. He has to come to the conclusion that what he's doing is not working and want to change it.
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
ask him not to call when he is drinking.
be there for him any other time.
My son wouldn't be locked up either...unless he was in jail...and he did worse and worse with the stress of school...
then he committed himself. he made the choice and he got healthier.
If he flunks out of school...don't send him back. I did. Should have flushed the money down the toilet.
plantlover
plantlover
You are definitely not an awful Mom for not wanting to talk to your child while they are drunk! I don't know your situation but maybe you could ask him to call earlier in the day before he starts drinking.

There are so many programs out there. But he has to be the one to decide when he's ready.

Big hugs and prayers for you and your son. Let us know how it's going!
missmaple
missmaple
I DO think that Blueviolet is right - and I might take it further - don't take drunk calls. You are definitely NOT a bad mother! Maybe with 500 miles between you you are getting to feel the pain he brings you and starting to recognize that it is not fair to be stuck with it - or forced to re-experience it over and over again whenever he gets drunk and feels lonely. Tell him it hurts and tell him to stop and then don't take drunk calls. You deserve a break! (You might even get a sober call which is SO lovely!)
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
yes, missmaple said what I was feeling.
I had a stage with my daughter...not the addict, that she was rude or judgemental on the phone....and when she did, I would say "gotta go, love ya" and hang up. only had to do it a couple of times and she learned.
People can only get away with stuff if we let them. set your boundaries.