Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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My sister is having a party advice please

HopeLivesHere
HopeLivesHere
So my sister is having a birthday/halloween party for my nephew and my brother in law next weekend, She just called me to let me know that there is going to be alcohol there and was wondering if my bf would be ok with that. Im not sure what to do now. Just hearing that brings my anxiety level through the roof. I dont even want to go now. Tomorrow makes 7 months sober for my bf. i know i cant keep him away from being in the presence of alcohol all the time, but this situation makes me very uncomfortable. I think i am more uncomfortable around it then he would be oddly enough. I never want to see a drink again in my life. Any advice would be appreciated. Should i take him to the party, skip it all together or see if i go without him or am i overreacting?
dmatt124
dmatt124
Your fear is real, however he has to make that decision you can only share your feelings. I have learned that a part of recovery is melding back into society and being able to use the tools that you have accumulated during treatment, meetings etc., My son is sober almost 9 months, and when he first said that he was going to watch the games in a bar like atmosphere, my heart dropped. But I stepped back and said he is 24 and he wants to go and watch games with friends, so he has to learn to do it sober. It turns out that about 20 of them go together each Sunday, and they have a ball (sober). Only your BF will know. hope this helps.
cardinal39
cardinal39
Dee is right,,, he had been given the tools, and needs to know when to say no,,, unfortunately alchol is a sociably accept drug,,, unless your going to spend the rest of your life isolated,,, your going to have to deal with it,,, first ask your Bf how he would feel about going,, perhaps you can go,, and when the drinks start really following leave,,,, trust me you will always have that fear
deleted_user
deleted_user
I too agree with Dee. My sister-in-law was about 6 months sober when she ventured out to her first party where alcohol was served and told me that that party was the first time she was able to use the skills she learned in rehab to do a full-scale road test. She stuck to drinking diet coke all night, no one pushed her and she said after it was her first major step in her sobriety. She is now 6 years sober. I think some constructive communications, expectations and having a pre-party plan in place might be helpful. My best to you and your bf for a successful next step in the process.
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
he might not want to go...or if he does, make it an open option of leaving any time he feels uncomfortable.
my son had a christmas party at a huge bar last year. I was concerned, he went alone. (it might be easier for him having you there for support).
he did the meet and greet, and after they started doing shots he left. no one even noticed.
Remember that Hope Clings, and Faith lets go....
ask him if he can handle it, and then let it go...
katrinka
katrinka
I would have to ask myself if going to the party is so important that if I didn't go I would regret it. I personally would not go, because like you I would be worried about triggers. If he drank in the past with these people it can trigger something and make him want to drink. If his sobriety was longer I think it would be best. Since if I remember right you have moved and he isn't hanging out with the old gang this is all helping him stay sober. Don't know what kind of program he is working if any.
I don't know if you and he feel the same. My family always has family get together's were drinking is always on the list. I don't drink, so I don't really care to be around them, so not going to a party would not be a big deal to me.