Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
For the past 14 years my sister has been binge drinking. She is ruining her child and her marriage. She has no friends due to her behavior and I am so angry with her I just want to bitch slap her into tomorrow. The anger I feel towards her is rather scary.
She has a good life, she is physically healthy but she just seems to want to wallow in a bottle.
Yes, we grew up with an alcoholic mother but mom never missed work or dinner a school event due to it, she was a functioning one and in the end a sober woman.
My sister isn't a functioning one by any means. She is the passed out in the bathroom floor type. She has dried out and been to rehab more than once and yet she just keeps messing up. She has been to jail. Heck she was in jail when our mother was dying in a nursing home. If she hadn't gotten released early she would have missed our mom's funeral. Her behavior was really what tipped our mom over the falls so to speak. Mom couldn't deal with her anymore so she got into her bed and never got out. She was tired of taking care of her. She had enough.
Now my sister is becoming a mean nasty drunk when she drinks
and saying ugly things to her daughter. A daughter who has so much anxiety that she has stomach issues and panic attacks. She is only 14. Probably because she has dealt with her mom constantly not being there.
Anyway not sure if this is the right place and I apologize for the long winded nature of my post but looking for ways to deal with my anger that her behavior has created and her total lack of regard for anyone other than herself.
She has a good life, she is physically healthy but she just seems to want to wallow in a bottle.
Yes, we grew up with an alcoholic mother but mom never missed work or dinner a school event due to it, she was a functioning one and in the end a sober woman.
My sister isn't a functioning one by any means. She is the passed out in the bathroom floor type. She has dried out and been to rehab more than once and yet she just keeps messing up. She has been to jail. Heck she was in jail when our mother was dying in a nursing home. If she hadn't gotten released early she would have missed our mom's funeral. Her behavior was really what tipped our mom over the falls so to speak. Mom couldn't deal with her anymore so she got into her bed and never got out. She was tired of taking care of her. She had enough.
Now my sister is becoming a mean nasty drunk when she drinks
and saying ugly things to her daughter. A daughter who has so much anxiety that she has stomach issues and panic attacks. She is only 14. Probably because she has dealt with her mom constantly not being there.
Anyway not sure if this is the right place and I apologize for the long winded nature of my post but looking for ways to deal with my anger that her behavior has created and her total lack of regard for anyone other than herself.
1) Not every alcoholic is high functioning. Everyone is different
2) Just because your Mother got sober doesn't mean it didn't affect your sister the same way it is affecting your niece.
3) You can't fix her. She has to. Everyone has a rock bottom. She hasn't found hers yet.
4) You can find a way to get your niece to Alanon for teens. I am not sure how you can go about that. Perhaps she can talk to a school counselor and share what is going on? Child protective services can also assist. They will run an intervention and protect your niece.
5} You also can attend Alanon or Families anonymous. They are awesome support groups for people dealing with these issues.
I didn't live with an alcoholic Mother. I lived with a pill addict. The results are typically the same. I was tortured growing up. I wasn't the lucky child to go unscathed. However....we generally grow up either drinking or drugging ourselves...or have some other emotional damage that takes a lifetime to work on. I am the emotionally damaged one. My drug of choice has been physically and emotionally abusive men. My sister...over eating...my brother...emotionally unavailable. So it shows up in many different ways.
I would do what you can for yourself...and for your niece. She needs a safe place to go and get help. She isn't old enough to guide herself.
I have three sons. One is in rehab right now. about 45 days clean. One of his brothers has been trying for years to get him to get help. He is filled with anger and rage. It has consumed him to the point of becoming estranged from me. (I guess he has to blame someone)
It hurts the entire family. So how you are feeling is normal. I understand the anger. Please try a meeting...even if you don't talk at one...just listen
My niece was the mature one and that is not fair.
Its weird how my sister always said she didn't want to be like mom when she grew up. Everyone always thought it would be me, the wild child that was always getting into trouble. I out grew it.
My niece has a good dad who is at home and she has me and my husband. She has been to a few alanon meetings and she has a counselor she sees a couple of times a month so she is getting help for the damage that has already been done.
I do appreciate your help and your honesty. I am sorry about the men, you deserve better than that. No one deserves to get hit.
Glad your niece has a support system. Hopefully she won't become me and try to fix all the broken ones in life. I tried fixing for years.
You have a right to anger. It's funny how you talk about being the wild child. I was always accused of that. Never was though. I wanted to be better. I wanted more. So I went to college on my own and got a career I wanted.
I yelled at my son all the time. Until one day I realized that wasn't working for either of us. So I sat him down and told him I loved him and valued him and that he deserved better then the life he was living. It didn't stop him from using. But it did take all the pressure off of me trying to fix him. Somewhere deep down he knew he had someone who had faith in him even when he had none for himself.
Try not yelling. Believe me they already hate themselves. Having
You feel that way won't change anything. Try another approach. Good luck. Here if you need to talk
My son said he would only drink on weekends...and he did, for a while, then it was thursday thru sunday. and during binges there were all sorts of terrible things. But until he realized you didn't have to drink everyday to be an alcoholic, he wasn't ready to get sober.
I would worry more about the child. An unhealthy upbringing and a strong family history of alcoholism is setting the child up for failure. if there is a teen alanon, I would make that happen for the kiddo.
As for your anger...that is where my learning detachment helped me not drop dead from stress. "it isn't happening to me" was what I said alot and the serenity prayer.
Work on the kid. Mom is on her own journey. And probably, some of your anger at her, is leftover from anything you dealt with about your mom's drinking...don't let it destroy you.
welcome to the group. glad you found us, sorry you had to. share, vent, spew, question, and share your opinion.
IF that is all you can post (and I haven't researched it) than you will be banned.
Family what are you going to do with them. I am trying to do mindful meditation but sheeze it is easy to get distracted with her behavior and add the pressure of work well sometimes the kettle must blow.
I appreciate you all replying back it does help to see others perspectives. Keep up the good fight and thank you guys.
Suggestions and information always welcome.