Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Hi, my name is Jessica. I havn't been on here for quite a while. For about the last year and a half my husband has been handling his opiate addiction really well and we havn't had any problems. He has been back on Hydromorph since at least this last December or January and because he was managing his meds so well on his own i have let him continue on his own. Well, he has been off work since sept/09 (on disability) and has struggled really badly with depression off and on, he had just recently switched medications to help with his mood and depression and seemed to be doing really well. We are under some stress right now, we are bankrupt, our house is forclosing, we are moving 4 hrs away in a week and we have 2 little kids running around keeping us busy on top of it. He was acting funny yesterday and we were having a garage sale so i just told him to go inside and get some rest cuz my dad was there to help with everything. Then when i went to bed last night i said good night to him and i was laying in bed reading (he was laying beside me) and he jumps out of the bed yelling "what the hell are you doing kicking me out of my own F$*#*ing bed and he storms off. I hadn't said anything at all so i had no idea what he was talking about but i was tired and went to bed. When i got up at 7 this morning he was sleeping in his chair covered in chocolate cake so i was kind of cranky and just ignored him and kept busy with the kids. By about 2pm he still wasn't awake and he was breathing funny (kind of panting) and he was drooling really bad so i tried waking him up and couldn't. He somehow rolled onto the floor while i was out of the room but still wasn't responding so i called 911 and they rushed him to the hospital and manage to stabalize him, although his pupils still will not respond to light. The best we can tell is he took a bunch of clonazapam, and empyied the powder out of his long acting hydromorph (which he was prescribed 450 capsules less than a week ago) and most of that was gone. Now i'm by my self with my 2 and 4 year old with less then a week before we are supposed to move to another city and i dont' know what to do. I don't know what to say to him and i don't know how to help him or react to anything he says. I'm a mess and my family is all preoccupied and nowhere near here. Sorry for the long message but i knew you guys would understand some of what i'm going through. I didn't know who else to talk to.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for listening.
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I can relate to what you are going through.
Hugs and Good Luck. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Its 3am and i havn't been able to stop crying in hours. I've realized that the best thing i can do for my kids is to start listening to them, really paying attention to what they want and need. Making sure to set quality aside with them everyday. I think this is what they are needing the most right now. I feel so guilty about this whole week, i've just wanted to curl up in a ball, throw a blanket over my head and ignore the whole world. Obviously this would not be a wise decision. My next step is to really, actually do something to start taking better care of me. I don't remember to eat half the time, it was 6pm before i realized i'd missed my morning meds. Being in a new city it is tough starting over with new dr's, psychiatriest, counceler, etc. But i could also look at it as an oppertunity to find better support among different people that i was not getting before.
i really need to sleep right now, but i just can't shut my brain off. I'm so thankful for all of you, just knowing i have support from people that really understand what i'm going through and how lost i feel. I really don't feel like i can do this on my own, but i'm going to have to find the strength within me some how to pick up and do the best that i can.
Here is a 10 point plan I was given which helped me...
Perhaps it can help you.
1. Sit the children down and tell them their daddy is very, very, sick and the doctors are doing everything they can to help him. He has to do what the doctors tell him and right now that is to do what they say and stay where he is so he can get better.
2. Tell the children because Daddy is not here, you really, really, need them to listen to you and help out. Get them to commit to this ask them right out... "Can I count on you." If you feel better about saying... Can Daddy and I count on you...then say that.
3. Give them each a job.. Yes. I know they are 2 and 4 years old. But find something they need t do everyday. Even if it is to help you unpack one box per day. Put their toys away. Pick up, etc.
4. Ask them what day they want to set aside to go exploring for a park or playground or library in your new city. Look up on the internet where the local library has "story time."... and plan that for them. That way they have something to look forward to away from the chaois and gives you a break.
5. Find a new church as soon as possible. The best way is the internet.... Get involved. Let them know you've just moved in. Many churches have welcoming committee's.
6. Find a local Alanon meeting and start attending asap. Get a sponsor.
7. Before you worry about dr.s, etc. Find a spa... (yes I know you are on a budge) Get a massage!!! or get your hair done. This wa you can talk to someone who is local and ask questions and be pampered at the same time.
8. Eat Healthy. No junk food. When your life is full of Junk.. don't put Junk in your body.
9. Walk everyday at least 30 minutes. My therapist would not even see me - unless I had started an exercise program. Healthy body, Healthy mind.
10. Let go and Let God. You do your part, God will do his.
Hugs!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am sorry you are going through this, but don't worry God will see you through. Just try your best to stay in the day and not worry too much about the future. Find yourself a good support system, and be sure to take care of yourself and put yourself first (I know that is hard to do when you are a mom, you want to put your kids first) However you are THEIR support system and they need you well, rested and on top of your game. Perhaps this time away from your husband is a bit of a blessing. It allows you the opportunity to focus on yourself and to put things in perspective. And let's be honest, it's almost impossible to do that when living with an active addict. He is somewhere getting better and now you can get better too.
That's a fantastic 10 point plan that mgs1 gave. And just remember children love attention, being helpful, and have short attention spans. Break things down into small blocks of time with them and it will make it easier for them and you. Let's unpack 2 boxes and then it's snack time. Let's unpack another box and we can go for a walk or read a story. They will feel like they are being helpful and they'll be getting your attention without acting out. You'll actually be able to see something getting accomplished which will help lift your spirits. And you won't be stressing every moment with your little ones. Good luck and God bless.