you have a plan. stick to it.
they don't repeat a behavior unless they get a reward.
AND quit beating yourself up...you did a fine job. Addiction has nothing to do with your raising him...I did a fabulous job. One kid was fine, one was an alcoholic. He is now sober and he told me that he hopes to raise his family as well as i raised him.
He also thanked me for not pining a 20 dollar bill to his collar and dropping him off at the bus station, because he said, he deserved it.
beating ourselves up is useless and just wrong. we didn't cause it, we can't cure it or control it....you know I am right. Just "yell" STOP to yourself every time you start. it serves no purpose

Thank you blueviolet, Yes, I know you're right. My son starts another job today Im trying to stay positive and hope he keeps this one.

This is a good place to vent. I am sorry that you are going through this. It's good that you have a supportive husband to help you deal with your son. Is your son willing to get some help with counseling or a support group?

~Ducktapetherapy77

Duck, I have suggested that to him SO many times. He always refuses, & says taking an AD would numb his creativity with his writing. I told him he would feel better, & actually would be able to think more clearly. He wont admit he has a drinking problem. He "lost" his pickup this last weekend. He called his dad on his cell phone & my husband talked him through it. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to talk to my own son anymore. I feel like SUCH a failure as a mom.

I am sorry, I know you won't give up. It can take time for him to realize he needs help. You should not feel like a failure because of his bad decisions. You obviously care very much. Hugs & blessings!

~Ducktapetherapy77

Thank you Duck, I appreciate that.

I thought he was in a detox now?
How is he doing now?

sorry gordo..I confused you with Susan.
But I do recall you liked the idea of not answering the phone and then texting him to see if it was an emergency and telling him you will be there...but other than that..do not subject yourself to the drama. And it will also cause less drama with you and your husband.

I know Misssy, my husband & I DO NOT need any more drama, we have enough as it is.

I was once told by someone, "Drinking allows me to express my feelings". This person has difficulty communicating, acts rude and curt when sober and is very insecure, immature and very self centered.

This person feels better when under the influence yet is totally unaware of the inappropriate behaviors the alcohol brings out.To hear someone say I need to drink to release my feelings was very interesting. It gave a lot of insight.

My fiance actually talks to me more truthfully, and totally how he feels when he is drunk. It's like when he is sober, he just can't, or is humiliated to tell me these things that he can when drunk. He pours out his heart. He apologizes for messing up.

When sober, he won't admit anything. So I do think your son has a hard time expressing himself to you when sober because he feels so bad. But when drunk, he has a need to tell you things, hear your voice, wants his mom to listen and understand. Sober he may hear what he thinks would be your displeasure in what he is saying.

Loving an alcoholic is hard. You have to decide how much you can take. With a boyfriend or husband people say there are limits you will do. I put up with A LOT of things. With a son, us mom's give unconditional love. Right or wrong in some circumstances, we just do because we gave birth to them, held them,.loved them, tried to teach them right for wrong.

If it's got to that point it is making you sick to talk to him, then just don't for awhile. Do what you feel has to be done.

You are not being punished. When drunk, he is again that little boy that needs his mom, but as a man he can't admit that.

Thank you all. It does help to be able to come here & vent. My husbands way is to yell & get mad at him. I find it harder to do that.

I'm sorry you are going through this with you son. That's always hard because we feel that maybe its our fault or what did we do. Remember those who are under the influence change their judgements and feel emotional whether its sad or happy or lovey. He may have a different connection with your husband and then feel more open when hes under the influence with you. So maybe talk to him when he's sober and show unconditional support but without enabling. I know this can be hard but maybe your husband as well can assist :)

Thank you tattooed. It seems everytime he calls, he's been drinking. I have only had maybe 3 sober conversations with him in the last 3 months. All I can do is pray & let him know I love him.