I am not even sure where to start. First off let me just clarify that I'm not even sure my husband is addicted. I think he may be but I can't diagnose him and his "uncertain" confession of it left me on the fence. He sure as heck doesn't seem like he wants to get help and he sure isn't sounding like he can admit it or like there's anything to admit. He confessed to me two weeks ago that he had been viewing pornography. Man, he fooled me. I had no idea. He claims its been ongoing since he was 12 though I don't know how frequently he did it- I never asked- I didn't want to know. In the midst of all this what started it was his compulsive behavior with masturbation that was now becoming a problem in our marriage- and again I had no idea he had been doing this either even though I know many guys do it, it never seemed as such with him until he began getting careless I guess you can say. Anyways it has drastically affected me and I feel completely betrayed and devastated to say the least. Probably more so because he hid it from me and lied countless of times. I do believe I suffer from codependency also so that just adds fuel to my fire. I have become victim of myself and I hate the person I have become as of late. I can't seem to even pinpoint how I am feeling, majority of the time I just feel numb and I have not reached out to anyone. I want to be able to express my hurt and disappointment with the man I chose to be with, but I can't do that. This whole thing has seemed to not affect him whatsoever he just goes about his day like nothing happened and I am in now way saying I want him to pay for what he did- I am not God or judging him in anyway- nor am I blaming him... I just feel like my husband is whom I should be able to open up to and I can't. I guess I was just looking to unload this off my chest. He's not the only addict I have in my family but he's the closest one to me- I have many alcoholics, substance addicts, gambling addicts in my extended family. I am just lost and I miss myself - the person full of life. Internally I am dying silently, externally I am a mirror of my old self for my children's sake.