welcome
my son is a recovering alcoholic, and was diagnoised as depressed...he also has seasonal affective disorder. Both things are significantly better since he got sober. there are dual diagnoisis groups in AA. His rehab/homeless shelter dealt with every kind of issue up to the worst of every drug or mental illness issue. He was at St. Christophers Inn in Garrison, Ny

My son is an addict and has been abusing drugs for 12 years, he started at the age of 12. He suffers from MAJOR anxiety, depression and was recently diagnosed with SAD (Sczizo affective disorder)
We think he started using drugs as a way to self medicate himself. He never shared with us what was going on with him when he was very young (I honestly don't think he knew) but the fact is he has mental illness and is now a drug addict.There is treatment for this and its called dual diagnosis. For us it took forever for my son and us to realize he was mentally ill.
He is now in treatment for his mental health and his substance abuse. For years we have just been focused on the drug addiction and not really getting any better. HE finally checked himself into a mental Hospital and has been slowly improving.
Just look for treatment that treats both conditions... For my son he could not focus on recovery UNTIL he felt better mentally.
Good luck and keep coming back this site has saved many lives (parents who need support) hugs to you!
Marg

Thank you. As a mom you just want to fix everything and I am just starting to understand that he needs to be ready to want to deal with his problems and work hard to fix things himself. Do we have to wait for them to hit rock bottom to have them get to that point? It is just the hardest thing to not be able to fix. Right now I am just starting to deal with all of this and learn what I can. I want the knowledge to help him if he is ever ready to get the real help that he needs.

- Marg you make an interesting point when you say that your son could not focus on recovery until he was better mentally. I wonder if trying to deal with both problems at once can be too much?

Thank you for sharing!
Elaine

I think it is not too much to try and work on both things at once or work on them together. For my son his drug addiction had taken him so far down a rode he absolutely HATED and he knew he could not bear to go on like that so he HAD to work on the mental illness so that he then could work on the addiction. He felt like there was no other way for him. But this was only after years of denying he had a drug problem.... Do everything you can for your son so maybe he won't get as sick as my son did and when I say do everything I mean learn and share with him what you can about addiction and mental health issues.

My husband has mental issues - severe depression, low level bi-polar are the biggest and has tried rehad after rehab. Nothing has seemed to work, even with the "dual diagnosis". Though some places say they work with that, insurance can dictate how much help a person can really get. My husband's would stop paying after a week and then he was back out to fend for himself. I have learned that if they don't get real help and work on the mental issues, the recovery will never stick because they've learned over time to cope with those issues with their using. My husband took pills or drank to make himself "feel better". Never worked of course, but at the time he thought it would. If your son can get into a good program that will not only focus on the addiction(s), but on the underlying reasons as well, it will be better for him. They need to learn how to address and deal with those mental problems to truly recover from the addictions. In my husbands case, programs at the facilities he's gone to have never been long enough. He is now scheduled to enter a minimum 12 month christian-based program in a week that will hopefully turn everything around.

Iamrock....letting them hit rock bottom...wherever that is...I called it my "fail forward to success" program.
It is heartbreakingly hard. But we can't make them do anything...they have to want it.
do you know the serenity prayer?

You are all so great! It is all such a roller coaster and I don't always know if I can do this. "Iam a rock" thats my mantra to convince myself that I can. It is especially difficult at every turn trying to make the right decisions and setting the right limits without anyone to bounce things off of. It is extra difficult doing this by myself. It is all such a foreign world to me. I have been trying to help my son find answers with his anxiety and diabetes(that he has grown to resent) for some time now. He would prefer to self medicate rather than work at trying to get better and resolve his problems. He stops going to his therapist and leans on what makes him feel better. Of course this leads to sabotaging his life and creating more problems.
So often I don't know who he is anymore - he is so all over the place. He makes two steps forward and then two steps backwards.
Well, it is great to know that there are others out there that have gotten through this or are getting through this.
And the Serenity prayer...I haven't heard it or spoken it in a very long time....good time to revisit those words and that prayer.

"And a rock feels no pain
And an island never dies....I am a rock....."

Thanks for being there!

We all know the rollercoaster ride of addiction, it's filled with heartache, aniexty and wanting to always make the right decisions, but it is until will realize that this is not our journey it is our addicts, it is then that our world changes, because we can only change us, we can't change or make our addicts recover. My son also had dual diagnosis, which is more common than not, they are using for a reason addiction in itself is a disease so each has to be treated. I thought I could save my son, I tired so hard that I made myself sick. I became addicted to my sons addiction and it wasn't until I surrender him to God, and created boundaires that he made the deicision to become sober ( don't be mistaken, he kicked and dragged all the way to the airport) today he is 9 months sober, but he will always be in recovery as will me, my husband and daughter. The serenity prayer, well I say it every single day of my life, and each day it takes on a new meaning but it also has given me the strenght to fight this disease and take back my life as a mom and wife. Good luck and never stop believing..

My bf is a bipolar alcoholic so it can be very difficult to deal with. He finally hit rock bottom and wanted help for his addiction. He was in a private psychiatric facility that had a dual diagnosis program and was able to get past the cravings. Now he is using AA to the fullest and has a new outlook on life, but he had to want it....it never worked if I wanted it for him. When the time came it was nice to already know of where he could go to get the right help he needed. If it was financially feasible he would be still at the hospital on an outpatient basis.

You are all so strong and incredible people. I am feeling your strength which is really what I know I need right now along with your experience on how it has to come from him and I need to find that balance of when mothering ends and that he is the only one that can make the choices. I know that I will not support in any way any bad choices that he decides to make, but it doesn't end there does it. I just hate that I think we have a long way to go before he hits bottom and I am petrified of where his journey will take him or me. If only he would choose some serious help in a treatment facility sooner rather than later.

I know that knowledge is power and I guess I can only get better educated at this point.

I have started researching facilities that would treat both his anxiety, depression and addiction. I am not even sure how to determine how good a facility is and I will be very curious to dtermine if insurance covers any of this treatment as I am sure it gets extremely pricey. Right now I guess I need to focus on being prepared for the day he finally is ready.

Thanks for the strength you give!

Most insurances cover very little and the individual has to pay out of pocket. It seems a lot of insurances only cover a week or two if your lucky. So unless you have some really good insurance rehabs can be expensive. Unless you find a state fund facility they are not all good depends on what state you live in.

Thanks. I am in NH and I will keep researching. I am afraid that we are a long way away from my son agreeing to go to a rehab.

I realize that there is not much that I can do about that. I want to be ready and informed if he ever does decide it is the right thing for him to do. I also wonder if people find that going to rehab nearby or a large distance away makes more sense. I just think that there are too many bad influences here and that he will never be able to brake away from that unless he goes away. ??