Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Ive been trying to save my husband from his addiction for over two and half years now. I know what youre thinkingWhy am I still there? I dont know?! The sad thing is I am well aware that I cant help him; he has to help himself. I separated from him and am living with family but still go stay with him on weekends; my role of Enabler continues. Its like I am watching him wither away and feeling myself wither away with him. What hurts most is that I know that the only way out is that I must leave and turn my back on him. I feel like I am right on the brink of turning my back but I still have this ping of hope followed by this fear of realityits called co-dependencyco-dependency in a toxic relationshipa recipe for disaster. Writing this in a blog makes me feel worse, at least in this moment, because I am so aware of what I am doing wrong that it is me that is the fool for continuing with the madness. Because that is what this ismadness! Its like I am purposely driving myself off a cliff and even though I can jump out the car, I just keep heading towards the edge. What the fuck is wrong with me? So many people out there are dealing with the same bullshit I am dealing with. So many watch in horror as the one we love self-destructs. So many of us make the mistake of thinking we are helping when we only make it worse. But I need to be one of the ones strong enough to walk away. And so here I am. Almost at the end of my journey with this man, this zombie that was once my husband. The pain I feel in my heart is inexplicable. I am mad that I allow myself to hurt because I know that I am continuing to hurt myselfand its my choice because I stay. But all I want to do is leave and start my life overI want to forget. I want to wake up and forget about all this love and hurt. I just want it all to end. But at the same time, I want him to be safe, sober and happynot dead. I am conflicted with this overwhelming responsibility to him and loyalty to me. I feel like Sam, Frodo and Gollum all rolled into one. Its impossible for this not to end bad. No matter how I try to plan out every detail of my escape, I foolishly continue to hope that he will go to rehab of his own free will and fight for our marriage. In the end I just feel like a damn fool. A big, damn fool.
Your living a good life could be the light at the end of a tunnel for him.
and if none of the above is true, you would still end up with a happier and more fuflilled life. It is not up to us to save everyone...and how do you know that YOU going forward to become a more healthy individual won't make you so content with your life that even if he never gets better....you will?
stop seeing him. mourn the loss. don't keep picking the scab.
Katrinka would tell you about books (listed in recommendations) and to make a list of pros and cons on paper...and look at the facts.
I will end by telling you that God can't put you with the right person if you are hanging onto the wrong one....or that you can't finish reading a book if you don't turn the page.
you sound like a very intelligent person, and so I know that you know that you need to move on...now it is just up to you to get strong, get help and deal with your addiction to the addict, or his drama or the guilt, or whatever it is. think about that. you are as sick as he is, but in a different way...so you need to make your number one priority to deal with this. Number one. YOU and your health....not him. You need to heal yourself...and you are worth it.
And I wish you well.
-Michelle