exactly. they will do anything. congrats to you and your daughter for making really good choices.

I love that ..family is supposed to help family ...manipulative comment..heard that before!
I do think they know who they can and can't manipulate. Do you think so too?
They hate it when they can't manipulate you but do move on to another.
I have warned the enablers in my family but they don't get it ..don't listen. The addict with the best chance of recovery is the one with no enablers...unfortunately they are very good at finding them.

I agree my addict never asks her father for anything.

I think I've said before that addicts must have a network where they exchange ideas on what to say to get us to cave in and give them money. Family is supposed to help family ... I've heard it before, too. Parents shouldn't turn their back on their child .... I've heard that. My reply "Children shouldn't steal from their parents." Or lie. It goes on and on.

Right now my addict son is incarcerated. I'm fearful that when he gets out, he will begin the same games and manipulation. I hope I'm strong enough to resist and not give in.

Congratulations!! I know it's hard to say no. My sister called me and asked me for 150 dollars and played the guilt trip game because I wouldn't give it to her. Hell, I didn't have it! Now I have it and she knows it and it's harder than hell to stick by my antics.

*APPLAUSE* to all of you who find the strength to refuse the manipulation and mind games of your addicts!!!

My addict is my husband and his selfishness ceases to amaze me. I try to remind my self that it is the addiction that is doing it but in reality one cannot separate the addiction from the addict because in the end they are one. The boundaries we set with them are so important. I am guilty time and time again for enabling my husband. And it really pisses me off when I let it happen. I am so sick and tired of the guilt. His addiction is exhausting me, I can't imagine being a parent to an addict I feel bound to my husband; I can't begin to fathom what you, as a mother must feel. Stay strong Mama. It's all we can do.

Good job on setting boundaries and learning to say no! It's so important.

Yes family is usually the one place to get support in a healthy family yet the addict is REALLY SAYING ENABLE ME when you hear that line family helps family.

And then poor sucker co-dependent who has their issues from an alcoholic. abusive home confuses enabling for love and caring CAN'T SAY NO.

Of course from a substance abuser"s point of view ....all they see is I want my fix and you will help me get it. Oh I am so glad you are hear to help and take care of me. When I have said no we are no doing the drug or beer run that person has always found another way to get their fix.

The best thing that ever happened to me was Al anon, learning NOT to enable, make better choices in friends and stop being co-dependent. AMEM grateful my prayers were answered. It has helped me in so many ways.

Quilters4, I SO hear this. I've been AMAZED at what our son has done over the years to manipulate, lie, thankfully he has never stolen from us. But anything he had, tv, playstation, even a VERY valuable guitar that HE bought for himself when he was in the service and his acoustic guitar, pawned. He even got me so manipulated I bought him ANOTHER acoustic one year for Christmas. Where is it today? pawned. The electric I got OUT of the pawn shop once and kept it for a year, thinking he was getting 'better' and gave it back to him, pawned again.

Sadly, he is now in rehab and seems to be 'ready' to do the work(after a near fatal OD and thankfully he survived due to 5 rounds or Narcan), he is mentioning how he wishes he had his acoustic to 'keep his mind busy' with music, but that part of me that I've built the wall just thinks it is another manipulation to get 'something' from me. (I'm a musician and he knows how I feel about the joy of music and his talent). BUT the past has shown me what the possibilities can be.

It's mindbending what this nasty evil drug does to those we love so dearly.

You and her Sister are doing GREAT! It's SO hard NOT to give in. It's how we're built. To help each other out. But it's SO hard to learn the difference between enabling and helping. I got to the point I'd give him gas cards, grocery store gift cards, only to find out he was trading them for a fix. SMH......

STAY STRONG! It sucks, it's heartbreaking but take care of YOU as should her Sister. You guys are doing AWESOME!

Hugs and prayers to you!

I definitely understand where you are coming from and kudos to you and her sister for not enabling her .The things they say and the manipulation is crazy. We have put up with it for years from our son and finally realized what was going on and have put it a stop to it. The sad thing is that we have other family members that my son has now moved on to and is doing the same to them. It makes it so hard because they are enabling him and keeping the process going so he can't finally get help. When we try to talk to them about it , they say they are Christians ( we are too) and they have to take care of him and that we are in the wrong for just not forgiving him. It is further ripping our family apart because of this, and he just continues doing his thing and thinking he harms no one. It makes me both physically sick and heartbroken. Anyone have any suggestions how I can get over this anger I have toward the family members who are enabling him?