Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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Making decisions stinks

dmatt124
dmatt124
hello my friends, so you remember the car question? should we let my son have his car or not. So he called last night and he asked and made arrangement tohave it shipped down My husband and I were reeling with emotions, mostly scared. It's been 6 months that he hasn't had a car, and we were mostly concerned because he really can't afford it and as parents don't want him working for a car, amongst a bevy of other things. Finally I reread all of your post and I said to my husband, he is 24 his wants to move forward he can do this without ever asking us, but he did. We need to let go, and if this all works out great it was because of him, if this crashes and burns it was because of him.

I guess what I am realizing is that all of our decisions are based on him being an addict, the past, we are not making decisions based on him being a person or is trying to stay and be clean. It's so hard even when it shouldn't be but probably because we are still trying to be the safety net. Thank you guys for being there and giving me some guidance. Hugs, Dee
deleted_user
deleted_user
Don't be too hard on yourself. Pretty much every parent I know of college and 20 year old kids has had that, "I can't believe he/she got that car - it's too expensive for them and have they thought about insurance, etc." discussion with me. I think you are parents. You are just a *little* bit more cautious because of the addiction but it's what parents do. I think the only thing you need to add as parents of an addict is that you take yourself out of the loop (no cosigning, etc.) then you can do normal parent worrying without it burning you financially.
katrinka
katrinka
Can't protect them forever, wish we could though. I think you made the right choice its up to him as you said if he wrecks the car it his problem.
He's doing good though, 6 months is good.
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
How beautifully you came to the conclusion. And I believe it was correct. It also shows respect for his accomplishments and will make it easier to get more money and better jobs. Good job to you and hubby. Big Hugs.
we aren't wiser just because we are older, it is all the S**T we go through!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ok, my take on this, and it may not be right, but I feel if he's spending money on this, he may not have it to spend on other "extra curricular activities" I cannot fathom ur place with it being a child vs. a mate, but even still...I think his focus is correct.
I have so much respect for those who are walking this path with their children bc I KNOW I couldn't "detach" from a child like I have been able to with my ex bf. I would do it, but I respect and acknowledge that it's NOT the same.
I hope he proves the doubts he placed into ur relationship wrong :)
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
deehigs
deehigs
Dee Sean is doing all the right things and sooner or later he would need the car , I know he didn't have to ask you but he did and that is huge! I think good behavior should be rewarded with incentives to getting his life back in order one step at a time which is exactly what he is doing, I really think this will be good for him to feel like it is worth it to continue on the right path!! Hugs my friend, Dee
dmatt124
dmatt124
Thank you all sooooo much for your beautiful and heart warming support I am going to share it with my husband because he was so torn. I love you all for always taking the time to offer your honest insight, opinions and most of all your hearts. Big hugs, Dee