This morning I woke before 5 a.m. and caught him watching porn on the computer. he turned it right off but I feel sick

Oh I have been there......at my husbands worst we had the same eating grossness. As for the porn, well one evening I was at an event with friends, I came home to find him fallen over sideways on the couch, glasses akimbo, with the grossest porn on the tv. Ewwwww.
I didn't often do it but at that time I just left him and went to bed.
In the morning he was sooo embarrassed when I described the porn scene in detail ( since he missed it by passing out),
Kind of a sexual turn off, don't ya think?

I remember those days.....you ask yourself, what did I do to deserve this? He's passed out so he doesn't even realize all the life he's missing out on, and you can talk to him until you're blue in the face and he still won't get it. It truly is a sick disease of the mind that anyone would live that way. I'm sorry....I know the feeling

Oh my jms what a visual! I just feel so numb right now he has blamed me for so many years for not giving him enough sexual attention and Ive known him to watch some lorn but this just seems worse now after so many days and weeks of his drunkenness. He will just say to me that its because he doesn't get it from me... I feel ashamed and horrible...

I did not deal with alcohol, but I lost my husband due to drugs. What I have found out is that it wasn't my fault. I know it's hard to accept, but you are not to blame for his actions. Stay strong. Big hugs...if you want to talk just message me.

Hosea......if I have worked hard to learn only one thing.......Not. My.Fault.
And since this is a place for truth.......( I do not mean to offend anyone's sensibilities,) but sex with my drunken husband is torture both emotionally and physically.
Let him look at porn and just leave me alone.

I thought you put yourself on the housing list to get out of this mess? are you still waiting?
You have been putting up with this for a while now.
He hasn't changed, and it doesn't seem like he feels the need to.
How are the children?
I know that sitting for the kids is hard, but you need some meetings for support.
Our insanity comes from doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Peace

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
I'm glad I finally woke up and got off the merri-go-round with the drunk!

Hosea77,,,reread your post,, and answer that,, has if I responded,, and tell me what I should do?,,, has the other two said,,,,insanity is continuously doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results,,,, without boundaries,, you can't be mad at the person taking you for granted, or doing what they want,,, unfortunately your kids are being raised in a environment that its ok for daddy to pass out,,, because mommy will just brush the crumbs off,,,

Be strong Hosea77,,, create a peacful environment,, I wish you luck girl,,,,

Thank u all. I know I feel like a total slacker. I'm not on the housing list at all because I don't have all the required paperwork and I guess I just keep "brushing off" the prooblem and denying it and hoping it will get better. I threw the application away because husband knew about it and was very explosive about it. When I do get it all and fill it out and get it gone all at once...

please for the sake of yourself and your children...try to get out of this situation. do you really want them to grow up and witness this for the next 10 years? oh and hoping you are doing well at your new job! take care of yourself. you deserve so much better and so do those precious children . hugs and prayers

The way I see it, if the SO is really working on getting clean and or sober and mostly succeeding they deserve some support. Otherwise kick them the hell out! Better for you, better for the kids.
He. You looked into any resources that may be available to you?

Hosea I did the same thing as you, kept waiting for ah to sober up and become this person I thought he could be. I waited 17 years and I know how living in limbo can be, but only you can make the decision to get a healthier life style. We get stuck thinking the ah will change, yes they do tend to get a little better especially if they think your leaving or you are making healthier life changes, but that does not last. As soon as we start to let down our guard they go back to the drunk jerk. Ah turned into exah and never sobered up, he died alone last July. He didn't want to quit drinking and unless a person wants to work at getting sober it will not happen. In the meantime I am glad I finally left him years ago.
Also when you tend to cry wolf so many times your friends quit listening to you and think you must like it. I know that it is not as simple as that, but they do not know how sick you are. I would suggest going to a woman's shelter and getting some counseling because when you live with a abusive alcoholic we do not see and think clearly. We are brain washed.

Thanks for your responses and well wishes. I'm Working just a couple days a week and its nice getting out of the house except I'm usually worried about the kids if they are home with my husband for more than a few hours. I don't want my kids to witness this for the next 10 years or 17..I'm trying not to feel guilty for my feelings and this is a big step for me. I understand none of this is going to be easy. I may need more support than I thought. My H completely avoids any discussions and hes been trying to hug and kiss me and supposedly didn't drink yesterday. I know this wont last and I'm trying to be strong inside and realize there's not much hope and I really may feel better without him...Ive been having such bad anxiety lately its unbearable and I'm afraid of feeling this way...

i wish you the best hosea. prayers :)