Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My sister and I had a conversation last night about our mom. Mom called her daughter who is eight months pregnant and had her all upset. My sister was pretty upset about momma crediting so much. She was suppose to go get her last night to spend the night and take her to work this morning. She didn't. Mom called me a 3am to tell me this. I told her she could catch the bus. She has a bus pass. She said she wasn't going because she had to much to carry. I told her well she must not have really wanted to go anyway. I let her know I was tired of her using me and that everybody else was beginning to feel the same. She had two cars up until last year and one was repossesed because she wasn't paying the note on a loan she took out against it and the other tore up from lending it to the dealers. She feels like everyone is turning on her. Her cell phone will be cut off tomorrow and I refuse to pay it. Her electricity and water will be cut off soon also. Last month was my last time paying those bills. Between her and my brother things are just getting to tight on me. I have a brother in jail that seems to need $300 a month on his books and $100 on phone. That's a whole different story, at least my dad will help me out with that. I am stressed beyond belief. I wish I could just sell my house a get away from here.
You are right it is extremely exhausting to be there for her. I have dealt with many sleepless nights as an adult trying to cope with my mother. It doesn't get any easier to deal with it. Until your mother wants help, the only thing you can do is to let her know that you love her and will be there emotionally but not finacially. I got lucky in the fact that my step father was there for my mom. He stuck with her and when I felt like I couldn't do it anymore I bowed out. I confronted my mom with her addiction. I told her that I knew she had a problem and that until she cleaned up that I was cutting her off from me and my children. This worked for a while. I did stay away from her for about six months. It was the most relaxation I had had in a long time, BUT I missed my mother horribly. I finally broke down and saw her. I am proud to say that she is now drug free and has been for eight years. It was worth it to cut her off because it made her realize that she couldn't have her drugs and her family.
I am not saying this is the answer for you, but just keep in mind that she is the only mother you will ever have. You may never have time for it to just be about you and yours. Not where your mother is concerned anyway. Just continue to be strong, continue to love your mother, just don't enable her. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Does your mother have another support system? If so it may be time for them to take over for awhile.