It sounds like you need to find a counselor just for you.... Not including him. You certainly do not have to accept his addiction. Addiction ruins families, whether it be porn gambling alcohol or drugs. You need someone to help you decide what you want to do. Someone who will support you and your feelings. You shouldn't leave sessions feeling worse.

keepmovin is correct. you need you time.
and a month isn't long.
they say that the time it takes to build the addiction is the time it takes to get over it....for the addict..
a breach in trust is a deep wound and only you can decide if you are willing or able to get past this.
It may not be a physical cheating on you, but it broke your heart just the same...have you gotten angry yet? mourned the loss? there are so many phases of grief. Just do what is best for you.

@keepmovin yes I agree I need my own counselor and I plan to shop around until I find one because I am in desperate need of someone. Someone that could understand what I am going thru. I found that strange too that I left feeling worse! Thank you!!

@blueviolet I know ultimately it's my decision to stay or go but I just need someone to help me work thru my feelings and show some empathy. I want to make it work but at the same time I feel like healing can't be done in his presence. I can't "unknow" what I know and that kills me. I said it was emotional cheating on me and both he and my counseling looked at me like I was being over dramatic. I do believe it's a form of being unfaithful. Who in their right mind would think that their spouse seeking other women or other sexual outlets, solo or with someone else, faithful? I feel like I'm going through the angry stage now.... I feel like grieving comes and goes in waves. It's horrible I wouldn't wish these feelings on my worst enemy! Thank you!!

alexis, this counselor sounds like they should not be counseling anyone. Making you feel like your feelings are not of value or ridiculous is unprofessional, and I believe emotionally dangerous for you. If I were you I would not see this counselor again. Let him go alone. The counselor sounds really good at rubbing his back and making you look like an ogre, and doesn't sound like a qualified addiction counselor.

There are really good counselors and really bad ones. Your spouse chose a really bad one but since they are "stroking'" him, he probably won't want to seek the therapy HE really needs; which is separate from you getting your own therapy.

Im sorry! I can relate to the resentment thing. I almost started hating my husband for his drinking, because it caused him to say horrible things, yell, lie, make empty promises, etc..etc...I have to pray to God all the time to help me let go of my resentment toward him. It's been a long, rough journey & I still haven't let go of all of my resentment. Men repeat bad behavior, they just don't get it. The always apologize, but they don't really mean it, or they would change their behavior. It's frustrating, I know. Hang in there!

i dont know the exact story here.. but arent counselors supposed to challenge your views sometimes?.. or this may not be deliberate of them, but it may also may prompt u to introspect deeper and know the source of discomfort.. i am reminded of the saying - where our difficulty is, our lesson lies

there'so no other way but through as my sponsor told me before.. everybody goes through this.

try watching the movie fireproof. i just watched it and cried buckets.

thank you keepmovin for your post...I have also seen that stroking you described leaving the other person feeling worse.
I felt so much worse & knew this was one of the bad counselors that are out there!
I stopped immediately going to this councelor with my now X.
He continued to go for more stroking ... some counselors just don't want to loose a client!. Many addicts do not want to hear what they need to & will most likely stop seeing a counselor who tells them what they don't want to hear.
Absolutely get your own counselor!

@keepmovin Nope unfortunately I chose her. She said she could help me and was "qualified" or "experienced" in sex addiction and with spouses. I can't tell. I chose her for myself and then she said she would absolutely love to do marital and felt it was needed. I didn't think any thing of it at first because she seemed good. Then the real issues settled in. Now I'm left looking for another. He goes to his own but only once a month. And even at that he says they don't talk about anything but his medication.

@gordos4 Thank you... That's what I'm worried about it the empty promised or the resentment building and building.

@yellowly yes I can say that a counselor could challenge you in order to make you dig deeper, but the thing is with this one is that she tells me one thing and maybebutnwith marital she says the opposite. Right now I'm not asking her to agree with me in fact I don't need her opinion at all I just want some empathy and guidance- some support ya know? But I know that inshoukdbbe challenged even just slightly make sure I reslly stand by my own beliefs :).

@blessuall Thabk you for your support I am currently shopping around for a new one.

iv had the same experience w counselors. iv quit therapy. it confuses me and makes me feel even worse than i already do. in time maybe ill go back..i just feel so emotionally bruised and i need to forgive myself and accept what i can tolerate or not.

Yellowly, do you think that since you have stopped counseling it has helped you? That's interesting because I have kind of thought of doing that this time. It is more of a hassle than it used to be and I do feel deeply wounded that I am worried the wrong counselor will further wound me. Even unintentionally. Many tell me that right now marital counseling is going to be almost near impossible since I am feeling these feelings.