I think we all have those feelings.. So don't beat yourself up too much.. I still get them. I really never dreamed that my first grandchild would be born of 2 addicted parents who will never be together. A grandchild that most likely will grow up not even knowing his dad (my son) or his whole paternal family... Makes me so sad.. But these are the facts. How I choose to live with them is what makes the difference. Peace & Grace

I agree with Kim I think we all have those feelings and I too still get them. I never would have dreamed in a million years that y daughter would become an addict and have a child that was born addicted to opiates. I thought once she got back with her boyfriend ( childhood sweethearts) and got pregnant that everything would be ok, they got engaged, bought a house and set a wedding date. She lost it all including custody of her son. I can't help but think about the what if's and it make me mad Today she is working on her recovery, trying to get joint custody back and get her life back on track. I pray for her everyday, but it's all in her hand now, I' trying to not live in the past and live my lie for today. Believe me I know how hard it is. I wish you luck and peace.
Hugs, Pat

I have these feelings all the time, too, for both of my adult addicted kids. Neither of them have accomplished anything. They both brought a child into the world with another addict. Getting the news that I would be grandma was not a source of joy or excitement either time, but worry & fear. I cried my eyes out many, many times over during both pregnancies. I fasted & prayed for 3 days & God spared my youngest from being aborted. Now i have 2 precious little guys, the oldest now my adopted son. I see old childhood friends of theirs on FB who have grown into mature, successful adults, & I'm proud of them & happy for their families, but sad for myself & feeling like I must have just really blown it.
Prayerfully, you will still get to see the things you hope for, & it's a blessing if no babies have been born yet -definitely worth the wait, so you will get to enjoy them without the constant worry, & without them being born addicted, etc. Sounds like good things are in your future, that by yhe grace of God, they are around the corner!

Beautiful Kim! and we certainly all have those moments or days were we try to reconcile our past, but try not to let it get it the way of a happy future.

I have even felt that way about my daughter - not the addict- and her divorce...if things stayed on track, I would be a grandma ths next year or so....but you know what? I believe God has a better plans. Somehow, my son now has the loveliest girlfriend and they are in love...I am so happy for him, and then, you have a moment where you wonder :"will he go back to drinking if they break up?" and then I have to remember to be grateful just for today and live in the present.
On a side note, for about 4 years we had a lovely couple next door and she had bedrest for the second baby, and I WAS the grandma (I was the main caretaker for 6 months), and we are still close...I got my grandchildren from my sharing my heart, not my genetics.

My son's situation (26, in recovery from heroin for now) is front and center as it is, but when there is an engagement, a wedding, a birth of a child, a new job, a promotion, a car purchase, a home purchase, in other words, any event that "normal" young people experience, his present condition hits me like a ton of bricks. Last night, I went out on my deck and heard the music coming from the "Friday's Music in the Park" concert series near our house. For a nominal entrance fee, one can sit on a blanket, bring a cooler, and enjoy an evening of live entertainment. I thought: "How I wish my son had allowed himself to find pleasure in such an innocuous activity such as this instead of drugging himself!" We live less than 10 minutes from a beautiful beach on the east coast, and I don't even know the last time he went swimming or surfing (which he used to do avidly when he was in high school). So much of life has passed him by.

He too is having a very hard time assimilating back into the "real" world, and frankly, sometimes--like today--I don't know if he ever will. Last night I woke up at 4:45 AM and couldn't go back to sleep, and coincidentally, this was one of the many things I thought about, along with a million other that I chose to put aside as the day wore on.

I feel your pain.