Pen I'm sorry for your pain. Hugs dee

I am glad that you and your husband could have such a nice visit with your parents. I am sure they really loved it as well.
Yes, it is sad that your family is still going through this. I am sure it makes your parents even more grateful for a wonderful, devoted daughter like you! (and for your new husband)
Hugs to you.

((Pen))

I'm so sorry about your brother... prayers

Kudos to you for getting together with family despite his struggle ...taking care of you is important... living life is important.

I'm a recovering drug addicted alcoholic... I have family members'out there' still in the bondage... it hurts.

An old saying....

Question:
How can you tell when an addict/alcoholic is lying?

Answer:
Their lips are moving.

That WAS me... it was only by the grace of God and the miracle of several supportive recovery programs that pulled me out.

There are support groups that can help you, as well... Al-Anon, Narc-anon, etc. Hope you can find good support ... it will help...

Thanks for sharing ... keep the faith..

Sorry Penelope. Remember the addict and the person are two different identities and although you hate the addict you still love your brother. Your parents have learned a lot from you about how not to enable and I know it must be hard on them, a disappointment, but relapses are very common and it is up to your brother to figure this out. It seems his reward part of his brain does not like to shut up! All addicts seem to manipulate to a certain degree, its up to use to say no I'm not gonna give into your demands.
But you do not have to push them completely our of your life instead set and keep boundaries to protect yourself. Some people want o contact with their addict child, this actually is not good for the addict. They need to be excepted and know they are loved, flaws and all.

sorry you have to go through this...please take care of yourself. hugs

Oh Pen I too am so sorry for all the pain and agony you're having to deal with. A niece of mine posted a picture on Facebook that brought you to mind.

It's of a small bird on a fence post with its little head down in the pouring rain that says: "Sometimes, you just have to bow your head, say a little prayer, and weather the storm."

Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers...

I'm sorry Pen... Will keep you and your brother in my prayers.

First of all, thank you for being here, for being so openhearted and caring. I couldnt bring myself to replying as I was so confused inside I knew I wouldnt make sense.

We saw him yesterday. He called me to pick him up from the metro and take him home as he was carrying his pc from the g/fs place. Although I did feel a bit used, I said OK.

My brother is a breathing skeleton. Its the first time hes been so thin. He is literally skin and bones. Teeth rotten. Crazy haircut. Some hair loss. However, he smelled fresh, really nice, his clothes were clean and he was coherent. He was actually pretty lucid, which makes me wonder... In any case, for the first time, my husband had a heart to heart talk with him. Thankfully, he is a calm person, still with an iron fist. I know my brother is not really listening, but thats OK. It is what it is. We, as a couple, handled this meeting with dignity and kindness and thats what matters for now.

I wont tire you with the details of what was said yesterday and today over the phone. Ill only say this:

I love him so much my heart bleeds. Although there are moments I wonder if feeling like this is normal, this is how I feel. I have this deep fear he is in real danger and yes, I am holding my breath inside. Positive thoughts were very hard after seeing him like that and knowing that he feels as if he is losing his mind.

However, as from now, I am training myself to positive thoughts in the hope that he will at least start eating. I will be cooking tomorrow not only with the healthiest ingredients but also with all my heart and soul, praying that he will at least eat something before he gives the food away to that woman, like he's done so many times before.

So sorry you're going through so much pain. But...unfortunately those of us who love an addict go through such hell: we can't save them, and we can't bear to watch them self-destruct. Is there a Vivitrol program in your area? Your brother seems to be a good candidate for this therapy. My son (26, heroin, 4 rehabs) was approved to be on it for a year and it is an effective alternative if the addict follows through. In the States, it consists of a shot administered once a month. In Europe, I believe it is available in pill form and in skin patch form. The addict has to be drug-free for several days, however, to get the shot.

I hope you and your family can come to terms with your brother's latest relapse and that he will consider other options besides using. By the way, when my son was using heroin, most of the time I couldn't even tell he was high. Addicts are so adept at masking their condition.

Blessings and strength. It is a long, difficult struggle for all involved.

I'm so sorry for the pain in your heart. It is truly a battle, when your heart is so filled with love, and your head is battling the reality of addiction. Katrinka was spot on, you must tell yourself over and over, your heart loves your brother, but hates the addict. It is very difficult, and you have been a wonderful, supportive sister. Sending you hugs.

Beantown, this is funny weird: last night I dreamed he took a vivitrol shot (although we don't have vivitrol in our country) and today I see your post.

Yesterday, he spent 5 hours at our house. It was a close call. It's the first time in years we spend so much time together, just the two of us. It went well, in the sense that we didn't fight. I saw cigarette burns on his arms. I asked him about them. I do know he has been self harming on and off for too many years. He said that the pain he inflicts on his body soothes his psychological pain.

I see a man who is in deep, deep pain, exhausted, confused and full of self-hate. However, he is not willing to get help. He said that his cure is my parents and I.

I cannot and will not take up such a task. I am not a therapist, I am just his sister and I have (should have) a life too. I told him so. He didn't seem to listen.

For the time being, I focus on our 5 hours together that went by with no fighting (small victory).

Thank you for understaning, it helps so, so much!

I am so sad to read this about your brother. His pain is palpable. My son also finally accepted the fact that he has suffered from clinical depression for much of his life and has accepted treatment in the form of antidepressants. He has told me that he feels a great deal of guilt and self-loathing for all he has done in his life, but for a long time, didn't want to address this. I pray to God your brother has a change of heart. I agree that it is important that he be told repeatedly that you and your parents cannot be held responsible for his cure. Maybe eventually it will sink in, preferably sooner than later, as he has shown he is capable of hurting himself. Too bad that Vivitrol is not available in your country. It is not a panacea, but it buys the addict time to get his/her brain function on a more normal scale.
Keeping you and him in my thoughts and prayers.

Beantown, it's wonderful your son is getting help. Everytime I see a post about accepting help I smile this inner smile that feels me up with hope for my brother and for all those who are suffering while hurting the ones who are around them. Thank you all for the messages and the comments.

He was saying he wanted to go to the country house where my parents are. He hasn't been there for years. That was supposed to happen today. Earlier in the day he said he would go tomorrow. Later in the evening he said he is not going as he "has" to go to the methadone clinic to talk with the director, bla, bla, bla.

I started wondering if he was actually kicked out or if he quit by himself. Either way, my brother is definately not clean.

No matter how much I open my heart to him letting him know that I get what relapse is, that I don't give up on him, that truth is better than lies, that I understand what addiction is, that I am here for him.. he is still telling lies.

I understand that the lies mean that he won't be getting help, but most of all that he feels alone. I've seen the face of depression, I know how lonely one feels. It's terrifying. Combined with addiction, an addict as an on and off g/f and mother of your(?) 3 year old, unemployment, guilt and marginalisation, my brother is one big bundle of hell.

*fills

so sorry to hear, praying for you !