Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Thought he was doing better this past month but boy, did he have us fooled. He even took a drug test 3 weeks ago and was totally clean.
He was having a hard time finding a job and got depressed so the doctor prescribed Zoloft and Suboxone (1/2 film 1x a day) to ward off drug cravings due to his depression. He would lay in bed all day before, sullen and angry and then his mood improved but the "secrets started again". Secret friends, not actively looking for work, asking Ted for 5-10 dollars at a time for gas for job interviews, etc.
Today he was supposed to go "back to work" but never showed up. I called him 15x (yes am an idiot) but he "accidentally" picked up. I heard him and two men in background. "Yo bro you had 4 bags" "yo I didn't get a rush off that last one" and "oh you gotta clean it out, it gets dirt in it". Etc etc etc. 15 mins of stuff I NEVER wanted to hear Jimmy talk about. He never answered our txts or calls afterward.
So when I came home from work and packed all his clothes in garbage bags. Ted put them in garage. He came here and we gave him ultimatum, go with me to hospital in morning, get tested or go. The hospital has a great detox program, and If I left here at 6am with him I could pretty Mu h guarantee he will get in if he was positive.
He flatly refused. He chose to go. We put all his clothes in his jeep and he left. I am anxious, and angry but not sad. Jimmy did this to himself.
My nephew just stopped by to help me put extra locks on backyard gate. He said that Jimmy just doesn't care. That he has been asking him for money too. Jimmy is using and there is nothing anyone could do anymore.
I never thought jimmy would leave. But he did. I hate my life like this but what other choice do I have. He is 22, I am not committed to keep him here. So mad and disappointed.
He was having a hard time finding a job and got depressed so the doctor prescribed Zoloft and Suboxone (1/2 film 1x a day) to ward off drug cravings due to his depression. He would lay in bed all day before, sullen and angry and then his mood improved but the "secrets started again". Secret friends, not actively looking for work, asking Ted for 5-10 dollars at a time for gas for job interviews, etc.
Today he was supposed to go "back to work" but never showed up. I called him 15x (yes am an idiot) but he "accidentally" picked up. I heard him and two men in background. "Yo bro you had 4 bags" "yo I didn't get a rush off that last one" and "oh you gotta clean it out, it gets dirt in it". Etc etc etc. 15 mins of stuff I NEVER wanted to hear Jimmy talk about. He never answered our txts or calls afterward.
So when I came home from work and packed all his clothes in garbage bags. Ted put them in garage. He came here and we gave him ultimatum, go with me to hospital in morning, get tested or go. The hospital has a great detox program, and If I left here at 6am with him I could pretty Mu h guarantee he will get in if he was positive.
He flatly refused. He chose to go. We put all his clothes in his jeep and he left. I am anxious, and angry but not sad. Jimmy did this to himself.
My nephew just stopped by to help me put extra locks on backyard gate. He said that Jimmy just doesn't care. That he has been asking him for money too. Jimmy is using and there is nothing anyone could do anymore.
I never thought jimmy would leave. But he did. I hate my life like this but what other choice do I have. He is 22, I am not committed to keep him here. So mad and disappointed.
My heart is breaking. How long will I feel this way? Ted would walk around here screaming his head off that we needed to toss Jimmy onto street and now that we did it, you can tell he feels like he got sucker punched in the gut.
I took today off. But do I go back to work tomorrow and resume life? I know others of you have gone through this. Just wondering if I did right thing.
I can honestly say I feel your heartache and I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Your brain says that's it's he who left. Your heart says otherwise. You're trying to make sense out of a senseless situation.. It's up to him to get help and stick to it. He will be ready when he's ready. You cannot make him be ready. And that's one of the hardest things in having a loved one addicted.
It's going to get worse before it gets better. So, be prepared. You did the right thing, although addicts rarely realise that they have a choice. They only have a drive. But you never know. Rock bottom exists and it's personal... Be patient but most of all do not kick yourself and have faith.
My brother, after 9 years on heroin is on suboxone and has been clean since the first of November 2013, one relapse aside. My brother was a lost case and I have every reason to say that. He is not in recovery yet, but he has a few months clean. It takes time.
of course, and for a couple weeks she did great. Then one day she said she wanted to go to Cleveland, ( that's where she was living), and visit a friend. Well, as I said she's 25 so I couldn't stop her. She promised she would be back in two days. After two weeks we still hadn't heard from her. Then one day she calls crying and says she wants to come home. We let her come back only to have her leave again with the same promise of returning in a couple days. We did this three times and finally I could not do it anymore. I told her my house was not a place to come to when she needed a break or couldn't get drugs or money. She either came here and go into a rehab program or she couldn't come here anymore. She choose not to come here. It was the hardest thing I ever did but I had to for my own sanity. The last time any if the family heard from her was June 29th, when she called her sister to wish her a happy birthday. Every day that goes by I worry about her but, I know in my heart, I did the right thing. It would do no one any good if I ended up in the hospital. My husband is terminally ill and I'm his caretaker so my plate is already full. I know I can't help her till she decides she wants help. I will never give up on her but I gave up on trying to help her till she decides she wants the help. I will be right by her side if she does decide that but, till that day comes, I can't be an enabler for her. I know how hard this is for you but you have to realize you did everything you could to get him help. Now its up to him.
Big hugs.
The problem is that it does hurt. Deeply and pervasively. So you need to get that circle of support around you. Daily Strength is definitely the place to start! It sounds like your relationship with your husband may need some nurturing. Men and women cope so differently, so I hope you can get some support for the two of you. He's potentially your closest ally, so it's worth doing some healing work together. Take good care of yourself too. You'll know when it's time to go back to work. I personally found work was a good way for me to focus on something positive and put that heartache aside for a while. When my son was going through recovery, none of my co-workers knew what my family was going through, so work was kind of an oasis vacation from the stress. It was when I came home that the heartache began, and I would turn to Daily Strength. There's nothing better than reassurance from those who have walked the same path.
Wishing you and your family health and peace,
Ani
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