Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
katrinka----
I was very interested in your replies to "just a stupid question" post. I tend to confront when I think he is using or going to use as well. He will have a few drinks (i have never seen my BF do drugs without drinking first, its is floodgate) and then I automatically assume is going to use and i ask him if he has. Then he get angry and it usually turns into a blow up. Even if he hadnt used. What does it mean when the periods of abstinence last longer though? He went from doing drugs everday for 28 years. 2 years ago, it was weekend use, and now the last time I caught him was back in nov. and not since. great idea to keep a record of the patterns before he uses, i think i am going to start doing this.
I was very interested in your replies to "just a stupid question" post. I tend to confront when I think he is using or going to use as well. He will have a few drinks (i have never seen my BF do drugs without drinking first, its is floodgate) and then I automatically assume is going to use and i ask him if he has. Then he get angry and it usually turns into a blow up. Even if he hadnt used. What does it mean when the periods of abstinence last longer though? He went from doing drugs everday for 28 years. 2 years ago, it was weekend use, and now the last time I caught him was back in nov. and not since. great idea to keep a record of the patterns before he uses, i think i am going to start doing this.
I've posted a link to a cycle chart.
In the early stages drinking and drugging have little consequences, but as the addiction get worst they start to acknowledge they have a problem. When you nag, scream and yell it gets you no where, because he isn't listening he is high or drunk and they are irrational as are we. At this point no one is going to get between them and their high. That is why it is best to talk to them the next day. Discuss how this is changing him and how it is effecting you.
It was when I was married to ah I noticed his pattern and my pattern. Then I read the book Get Your Love One Sober which gives ways to use positive ways to help an addict see they have a problem and hopefully they see how they can make changes. In the book it says this can take a long time.
Drug addiction effects people faster so they either quit sooner or die from their addictions. Alcoholic's takes longer for the person to get to the chronic stage and then they also either quit or die from their disease. My first ex age 60 looks 80, is an alcoholic. Recently he was put in the hospital. He almost died, had to be detoxed, put in intensive care and couldn't see how his drinking has caused all of these problems. At 60 he is in the finally stages of alcoholism and will most like never stop drinking. There are some who never quit, these people will drink anything including rubbing alcohol.
Its good your bf has gotten to this stage of longer periods between drinking and drugging. From his age I would guess early middle 40's he is out growing his addiction. In some ways you might be the lucky one who is in a relationship with an addict.
Most woman stay with addict because they are afraid her bf or ah will quit after the break-up and someone else will get all the benefits from all their years of living with the active addict.
It is a good idea to keep a record of their using, it will help you see the pattern which can help you.
http://addictions.about.com/od/addictiontreatment/ss/The-Stages-Of-Change-Model-In-Addiction-Treatment_3.htm