My guess is that they use in times of stress, and the "truth" triggers a situation that they can't emotionally deal with. Some people take a walk or head to the gym when something troubles them. Others take a xanax. Others need a beer after a hard day of work. Others turn to other drugs.

I remember my ex-girlfriend saying she "needed" to smoke marijuana before a neighbor's easter party with friends. That made no sense to me.

my guess it that addicts don't want to feel...and when they feel the stuff that they are causing and feel bad about themselves, they can't handle it.
or, to be totally cold "I'll teach you for getting in my business" ( a manipulation)

It sounds to me that you are noticing he is going to use. You have grown use to his pattern and behavior right before he uses. So its not really that you have confronted him that caused him to use, its because you unconsciously noticed the change in him.
Stop confronting him, it doesn't do any good. He is doing what most addicts do, use then stop and with longer periods of not using getting longer.

I totally agree with Katrinka, but stress does act as a trigger.
If you know that confronation leads to use, don't confront him.
Is that possible for you?

I have actually been talking about a similar situation with my therapist. I disagree with not confronting him, though I do think its a waiste of your time. He will find another "excuse" to use so long as he is not interested in sobriety...real sobriety. Sounds like he is doing exactly what my hubby does....he has periods of abstinenct, yes....but he doesn't address his psychologibal issues, or his inability to cope with real feelings, so eventually he uses again. By thinking your not confronting him will keep him from using, you are taking responsibility for his using/not using....which is no healthy...or right. Sorry! I know how much this sucks (because I do the same thing!). (((((HUGS))))

Let me first say that I am a recovering addict myself. I know the mind games that addicts play with the people close to them, (people who they love, but who also threaten their freedom to get their fixes the most.) I'm only going to say what I'm going to say next because it's something I would have done myself back when I was living in my addiction, and most addicts think very similarly. Now here's what I think the cold hard truth is about your husbands using behavior in cases like what you describe- It sounds to me as though he is 'using AT YOU', like he's using his addictive behavior to get back at you emotionally for calling him out on his bullcrap. He uses that to try to control you and make you feel more powerless about his addiction so maybe you'll quit getting "in his way." He not only wants you to enable him, he wants to make sure of it by controlling how you think and feel to make sure you enable him by using this very selfish and angry behavior. DO NOT GIVE IN TO IT!!! He also does this partially because a seasoned addict is less and less able to deal with the reality of their addictions or other's reactions to them while they're still living in the addictive cycle, and so he's using to escape. I used to behave the same way, and I regret it. My advice is not to put up with any of his childish revenge behavior and TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY! You cannot make him do anything about his addiction, but you must not let him pull you in to it and keep you prisoner. I know a lot of this can be considered cold and harsh, but it's the truth of how addicts think. Best of luck to you.
- abowlofsecondchances

Well...there are a few reasons for it.

1. He feels attacked!! Whether he's not actually being attacked...it seems that everything to him in the form of confrontation is an attack.
2. It's the way he's LEARNED to cope. He's used it for so long that he doesn't know anything else that comforts his irrational feelings.
3. Once you hit emotional/mental overload(which some people DO with confrontation) they go to the thing that they've done to respond to distress first!!! For him, it's to binge. For me...it's a variety of things.

I don't think that you should stop confronting him about things. I think that maybe there could be a way of getting the message to him without him feeling attacked. Maybe set up times to talk to him and let him know that it's going to be a heart-to-heart conversation or something. But...ask him how he feels about it before you start your actual conversation...if he tells you that he feels like he's going to be attacked(or something along those lines)...then try to assure him that it's not a confrontation or "an attack"...it's awareness. It's something that needs to be addressed...but not something that is meant to feel or be an attack on him.

Yes, it's frustrating...but remember...there are reasons that they do what they do. For instance, my brother used drugs to escape his guilt and depression. My mom used(s) alcohol to escape pain, trauma, shame, guilt, depression and anxiety. So, yes it's stressful for you to experience with them...but they're doing those things because they're stressed with everything too. Especially since it's INSIDE of THEM!!! Just a thought. Hope things work out for you. :)

I agree with he does not want to feel,,, they disconnect their "feelings" from the ones they love the most,,, this way they don't have to see the pain they cause,,,, by all means it's our right to "comfront" our addicit,,, but from past experience,, productive confrontation is the best,,, not an attack,,, when they are under attack,, thats just the door they need to use,,,to justify to themselves the reason for using,,,,, take a step back depressed,,, only You can allow yourself to get caught up in the cycle,, don't become the victim,,,, addicits really can't handle the truth,, that's why they believe all their lies!,,,, shoot,,, when you figure out and understand an addicit,,, please send it my way,,, heck why do some people even start using hard core drugs,, while other don't?,,,,, always keep your confrontations,, to 15 words,,, this way you are not "repeating" or nagging,, because once that beginns whatever you say,, becomes nosense,, they are not listening anyways,, don't let their addicition, become your obsession,, then that becomes your addicition,,,

When you confront them you give them what they want.
Its best to discuss when both are sober and can talk rationally. I know how it is to confront, you start off saying, "Are you feeling okay, your not your usual self?" 1 minute later you are saying, "Are you using, I think you are!" 5 minutes later you are mad, yelling or slamming things around. Now he's thinking, fine I'm gonna go use, I show her. Its just a continuous cycle and you want to break the cycle not stay in it.
Instead don't confront, wait to discuss when both are not tired and can talk about it and not get into a fight. When you discuss it let him know how it bothers you and how much you enjoy being with him when he is not using. Reward good behavior, bad behavior walk away and discuss it when he is not under the influence of any drug.
If what you have been doing isn't working try a new way. One book I read suggested keep a record of his using, you will start to notice a pattern.

Yes it sounds like that is his "escape" from reality, sometimes we are so hurt inside that we do not know how to deal with emotional conflict and we want a quick fix to avoid hurt or pain. It sucks for the person that cares about them, the sad part is that when we take drugs so often or drink or whatever we lose the natural ability to feel good, It also takes a toll on the relationship because drugs and alcohol take away from who they really are and we want that person back or sometimes wonder who they really are...but its not a stupid question! I know I when I have been confronted with particulary emotional stress, I have used alcohol excessively which just makes you more depressed when you wake up, not to mention sick, but yes it feels bad to hurt and bottom line the drugs or whatever we use is a temporary fix and for addicts, its just like you said, "cycle"...its like a rollercoaster ride, where is the next stop?

Thank you for sharing this Question .. I have learned alot from everyone ..

katrinka----

I was very interested in your replies to this. I tend to confront when I think he is using or going to use as well. He will have a few drinks (i have never seen my BF do drugs without drinking first, its is floodgate) and then I automatically assume is going to use and i ask him if he has. Then he get angry and it usually turns into a blow up. Even if he hadnt used. What does it mean when the periods of abstinence last longer though? He went from doing drugs everday for 28 years. 2 years ago, it was weekend use, and now the last time I caught him was back in nov. and not since. great idea to keep a record of the patterns before he uses, i think i am going to start doing this.