Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My ex called tonight with some excuse of why he called. (So, yes, you do hear again). The last he had talked to me he wanted to come out here at the end of October and start over. We talked for a while tonight and then I asked him if he married the woman that he was calling trailer trash, crackho and that was using him? And he said, "yes". So, I asked why he was calling me and he said he wanted to say a belated Merry Christmas. I said it wasn't necessary to bother me now that he'd married the woman he said was using him. And he said he'd call another time. And I said, "don't bother." But it still hurts. I asked him what kind of game he was playing in October and he said it was not a game...he WANTED to come here. But then he turns around and marries this other woman to keep a roof over his head. And he said he's been clean and sober for 3 months...except when he got married and I KNOW from mutual friends he was drunk 2 weeks ago. And I know...move on....etc. But it still hurts a lot. He gave up everything we had...to continue drinking and drugging and marry some bimbo.
deleted_user
You're right, you do need to let him go. Don't even take phone calls from him. You need to move on with your life. He's made his bed now let him lie in it. You're to good for him.
deleted_user
Ah yeh - change your number!! What a jerk. That is some nerve to call. He is not worth it and doesn't deserve you. Keep moving on.
deleted_user
i think the marriage is just something thats happened while he,s been using/drinking. when reality kicks in he,l wonder how the hell he managed to marry her. he obviously isnt letting go of you so you have to feel sorry for the wife. under the influence of alcohol/drugs they do things that are so out of character, it doesnt sound like he,s been sober for three months. even if he was his brain will still be pickled. this marriage will probably end before its began. you,l hear from him again & again until you stop taking his calls.
Lynnedz56
He was drunk 3 weeks ago. I know that for a fact. I've known him since he was 11. And he was clean and sober for 6 years of our relationship. I'm the woman he still loves...she's the woman who will put up with his drinking and drugging. She's an addict too. My therapist told me I'm his "plan B". When it falls apart, he thinks he still has me. She advised me to let him think...plan B is gone. That if he is to hit bottom..he has to have NO plan B.
deleted_user
im not sure i agree with your therapist, i think the ow was plan B. he knows you wont tolerate his addiction so he,s used plan B-her. addicts always have to have someone in their lives. i was speaking to a few recovering cocaine/alcohol addicts from the DS support group for cocaine addiction, they all told me the same thing, sometimes your addict leaves & stays away to save you from more distruction, they said it might not make sense to the one left behind but it does to the addict. I dont know the story of your life with him but to me it sounds like you,re the one he loves, she,s the one who,l put up wiyh his addiction, especially if she is at it aswell. If & when he gets clean i think he,s in for a shock, its gona be a case of "WTF have i done" he,s just about hit the bottom by marrying an addict. I think he does need to be left to finally hit the bottom. you might get the odd call untill then just so he knows your there somewhere in the back ground. you,l know when he,s come to his senses because you,l get a call asking for forgiveness. untill then let him go, thats what iv done with my ex even though it hurts, i dont have contact & hope one day soon he,l wake up out of this nightmare & tell me he,s sorry.
deleted_user
your ex will never hit bottom as long as he has another active addict to be with. A active addict has no idea what love is, and they will say anything they think you want to hear. I also don't agree with your therapist. Even if he got clean and sober, an apology for all the abuse is not enough. Getting into a 12 stop program, getting a sponsor, and working the steps truthfully and honestly is the way to make amends to everyone that he has done damage to, and not once, for the rest of a recovering addicts life. Take care of yourself:)
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