Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

1,905 Members
8,121 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

is this common?

yellowly
yellowly
is it common that addicts (even in recovery) are so enigmatic... that even if unnecessary they keep their affairs to themselves? as if afraid to tell more info about their pursuits? and they don't involve their partners much in the decision-making process?
hopingforsunnydays
hopingforsunnydays
I find with my son, who is almost 6 months in rehab now, tends to wait for 'timing' to tell me issues going on that are large issues, i.e. his GF being pregnant. He was with us for Mothers' Day weekend and WANTED to tell me but couldn't find the 'right time', it was leaked out by my ex-MIL (a WHOLE other drama fest), which really devastated him, but I handled it in a positive way with much discussion and support that he was 'relieved'. i think they are afraid to tell something and then 'fail' in what they 'want' to get done and if it doesn't go the way they 'need' it to, they are afraid of further hurt to their loved ones. They don't want to 'disappoint' any further, they are unsure of themselves, they are scared, they are riddled with guilt of what they've done to others. I try to be supportive and I let our son know that 'the past is the past, the present is just that, a present, and the future is there for the taking and with hard work, concentration and knowing I'm here for you to talk to withOUT the sermons, you can DO THIS!' He really appreciated that and contacts me daily to just chat.
inneedofsupport1
inneedofsupport1
In my experience, my ex (heroin addict) shared everything with me when he was in recovery- except for the fact he is an addict. He took me everywhere he went and ran everything by me before making a decision. He was very attached to me. It's interesting but in some ways, he still is. He will lie to his parents about being sober but he doesn't lie to me about that if I ask him directly.

He does hide things from his parents. When I got pregnant it took him months to tell them. But he did tell his sister first. I think maybe, in his scenario, he was hesitant to talk to people who had bailed him out many times, he was probably scared to let them down. And I think he was so open with me because he thought I was a good influence and he kind of needed me to help him stay on the right path. And he also hadn't let me down yet so maybe he was more comfortable sharing.

And their personalities have a lot to do with it I would think. It might not be exclusively addict behavior. I lived with a boyfriend who was not an addict and he never ran things by me. He felt like men should take care of things and I should just go with the flow. One of the many reasons we didn't work. That's just been my experience.