Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
First I want to thank everyone for their beautiful and kind words of support for my family and I on the loss of my sister in law.
Now, some of you know that my Brother in Law, was truly not good through this whole process, he is a great guy but always has been a mental wreck and this was not in his realm of understanding.
So my husband and I really helped him mentally and financially as much as we could ( it was truly for my sister in law) I told you how one day I walked in and I had smelled the odor of marijuana, and basically he was drinking non-stop. My husband and I had a conversation with him, and explained to him he really needed to pull himself together, he has 2 daughters that he needs to take care of. His Drinking got progressively worse through this whole ordeal. When my SIL passed, my husband and I spoke with him, he admitted to drinking every single day, early to evening ( Vodka) which he was always a beer drinker. It was very clear he was using the alcohol to numb the pain.
My husband and I explained to him that we have been to this dance already, and if he needed help, that we would take my nieces while he did so, no questions asked and no one had to know anything,and he asked me do you think I am an alcoholic. I said to him that is not for me to answer but it is for you.
Here is my question, he always drank socially, and it was clear that when he did, he always over indulged ( in all honesty that's not my problem) do you think alcoholism has always been lurking, that the situation has brought it to a head? or can excessive drinking be situational and then just put aside once the person has come to terms with the reality of the situation? It really got me thinking because of course after everything we went through with our son, I think everyone who drinks excessively and drugs is an addict! ( not really) As far as my position, I am not here to judge, to only offer suggestions and to honor the promise I made to my sister in law, that was to always watch over her children. It's his deal, his journey. Would love your thoughts?
Now, some of you know that my Brother in Law, was truly not good through this whole process, he is a great guy but always has been a mental wreck and this was not in his realm of understanding.
So my husband and I really helped him mentally and financially as much as we could ( it was truly for my sister in law) I told you how one day I walked in and I had smelled the odor of marijuana, and basically he was drinking non-stop. My husband and I had a conversation with him, and explained to him he really needed to pull himself together, he has 2 daughters that he needs to take care of. His Drinking got progressively worse through this whole ordeal. When my SIL passed, my husband and I spoke with him, he admitted to drinking every single day, early to evening ( Vodka) which he was always a beer drinker. It was very clear he was using the alcohol to numb the pain.
My husband and I explained to him that we have been to this dance already, and if he needed help, that we would take my nieces while he did so, no questions asked and no one had to know anything,and he asked me do you think I am an alcoholic. I said to him that is not for me to answer but it is for you.
Here is my question, he always drank socially, and it was clear that when he did, he always over indulged ( in all honesty that's not my problem) do you think alcoholism has always been lurking, that the situation has brought it to a head? or can excessive drinking be situational and then just put aside once the person has come to terms with the reality of the situation? It really got me thinking because of course after everything we went through with our son, I think everyone who drinks excessively and drugs is an addict! ( not really) As far as my position, I am not here to judge, to only offer suggestions and to honor the promise I made to my sister in law, that was to always watch over her children. It's his deal, his journey. Would love your thoughts?
With losing his wife that could of sent him over the edge and he may stay that way for awhile trying to dull the pain. It takes a long time for some people to get over the hurting from losing someone they loved and hopefully he will pick himself up and start to slow down on the drinking. Everyone handles death a different way and I think right now he just needs family support and give it some time to see if he does stop drinking. Instead of focuses on his drinking it might help him to see if there are any grief counseling or meeting in your area. If there are meeting, print the schedule out for him and leave it out for him. Don't pressure him into going, but he might see the meeting and decide to go.
No one needs it to stay alive, so if he just decides to quit for a year, and deal with life, he can re evaluate later.
And honestly? If I was a mess, going to something like a world wide, doors open, everybody be there to support me group like AA would be a godsend. He could have a ton of support. Couldn't hurt to educate himself.
And yes, I do think it could have been slowly growing and lurking like a rot...and now it has broken thru to the surface and he needs to address it.
We either get better or bitter. How does he want to be 10 years from now?
And for the kids.
And you and your hubby are awesome family. You can join mine if your want! :)