I think you are right. It is good that he is in jail for now and maybe he will get clean. I will pray this will open a door for you to be able to express your love and acceptance and maybe begin some healing

Well I agree with dhollander maybe with time he will see that you do still love him and accept him for who he is and hopefully he will be able to accept himself and turn his life around I will keep you all in my prayers. Dee

I'm am so sorry you are going through this. But this MAY be a turning point . If I can share with you my brother is gay and not an addict but I remember for years he suffered from major stomach problems ulcers, chronic stomach pain etc.m it wasn't until he told me and my sister( who told him we love him unconditionally that his stomach subsided. By no means am I saying this is going to go away but it maybe a turning point. As painful as it may seem jail is probably best only because it is going to force him to stay clean, doesn't t mean he will but it's a start. I know when your son hears you love him unconditionally it may be a small sign forgot him that it is ok for him to live himself. Good luck and you will be in my prayers.

hi marq6300, glad you found us, not that we all wanna be here, but...;O)....my son is 22, same issues as yours, started at a young age, 13, drinking 'kids stuff' we thought, by 16 pot and pills, thought it was that 'experimenting stage'....he graduated hs a year early to go into the navy at 17, was okay, drank, but nothing unusually strange, but when he got out, there was something 'off' about him. He was always such a fun kid, but when he turned 13-14, something was different, couldn't put my finger on it....so as the time passes, he is into heroin, pills, mushrooms, you name it...well, now that he is at a turning point, he has made mention, kind of slyly to me about his not just liking girls. He hasn't really come out and said he is gay or bi-sexual, but made the comment of a 'man crush'...I did tell him that no matter what his preference is, that is HIS preference and doesn't change how we feel about him, doesn't make him ANY different than the day before. He KNOWS I don't care either way....I just want him to be happy, healthy and wise, that is ALL and SAFE! And I wonder if that has been the 'under lying issue' all along, he has always said he is 'uncomfortable with himself' but yet he can be in a strange place for 3 min and make friends, he is NOT shy, not by any means! And I think he is more cautious as he thinks his step dad wouldn't accept him, which we have talked and he even said that is crazy....but I think due to some joking in the past with my hubby about gays etc, he thinks he won't love him anymore, which is assinine! I'm sorry your going through this, I hope he opens up to you, sounds like he has so much conflict with in himself. Have you gone to a therapist yourself to see how you could go about dealing with this with him? That might be a good start! Hugs to you and I hope he comes out of this with a happy mind and comfortablility with himself.

I think you are on the right track, but there is still a long road ahead.

My son is almost 20. He started with alcohol in middle school, added marijuana and eventually became addicted to opiates and benzos. Those were his addictions, but he would take any drug he could get his hands on. Now he is probably also an alcoholic.

He first told me that he might be gay way back in 4th grade. This was after he saw someone making a homophobic remark on TV and I found him crying. In middle school he said he was bi-sexual and by high school he told us he was gay. Every time he told us, we let him know that we loved him no matter what.

It's really not just how the family accepts him. It's society and his peers. My son was active in the Gay-Straight Alliance Club, which made him visible. He has hinted about some of the abuse he took at school, but never told me. I wish he would because I think that was a factor. Most of his friends are also gay and his best friend was transgender, changing from a boy to a girl. I can only imagine the comments they must have endured throughout high school. Kids can be so cruel, but it's also adults. A couple of weeks ago he almost got beat up by a group of young men yelling gay slurs at him. So, it can be a tough life and it's understandable why he might go through self-hating and denial, especially if he hears people say this is a "lifestyle choice" that he can choose to change or that God hates him.

Of course he will need treatment for the addiction and he has that ahead of him. There are AA meetings especially geared to the LGBT community where he may feel the most comfortable. When my son was about to be released from inpatient rehab, I had to take him to an AA meeting before he could leave. It was an LGBT meeting with all gay men, so I felt a little out of place being a straight and sober woman. But, it was one of the most special experiences in my entire life. I will never forget this group even though I spent only an hour with them. I bet that if you make connections with PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), they might be able to help you find some help for him. The AA web site also would show which meetings are especially for the LGBT community.

Keep coming to this site. It's been a lifeline to me.