Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My daughter screws up every single chance she is given. She cut off the electronic bracelet and ran. She fled the sober house. Each time, she's on the run for a couple of months only to end up in jail again. She's had countless parole/probation violations and has been in and out of jail for the past 2 years. This time, she was in a dual diagnosis program through the jail. That means she was in a dorm and allowed to go out on passes. She worked with a mentor and got to see a councelor. Well, she was caught in possesion of meth and where is she now? That's right- jail! WTF is wrong with her? Is there ever a "bottom" for her? Being locked up doesn't seem to bother her. She's been homeless, lost all her stuff and what is left is in garbage bags stashed here and there. She has seen her friends overdose on heroin, she herself has overdosed on cocaine. She's only 23. It's like watching a train wreck. To say it's heartbreaking is an understatement. And with each time, I lose a little more hope that this will some day end. I feel like I'm dying one little piece at a time. I can't bare the thought of this being her life for the next 20? years. What happened to my little girl? What went so wrong that it would cause her to do this to herself? And how will she ever get the help that she needs when every move she makes cuts off another chance at getting it?
Read the book Over The Influence by Patt Denning. In the back is a really good section for family and friends. It explains addiction in layman terms. I found this free download http://ebookee.org/Patt-Denning-Jeannie-Little-Over-the-Influence-The-Harm-Reduction-Guide-for-Managing-Drugs-and-Alcohol_280689.html
Meanwhile, take care of yourself. Learn all you can and get support. I read alanon literature, and did some family counceling when it was offered at his treatment center. I am so sorry for what you are going through.
The best thing you can do is to seek help for yourself. Whatever she chooses to do or not do, you still have a life to live, and her addiction is causing you untold worry and stress. The only person who can fix that is you.
Jail is not beneficial to anyone, but it may be safer than life on the streets. It is especially sad when mentally ill people are shipped off to jail rather than a residence to help them - when they get out, they seem to be back in jail faster than our addicts.
It is wonderful your child is in rehab. You know she is safe. So rest up and take care of you!
I used to feel put the addicts in jail, let them find out the hard way. Except I no longer feel that way, since addiction is a chemical imbalance, a disease why are we putting sick people in jail. Instead why aren't we using all the tax dollars it cost for all these jails and instead helping these people get real help. Help them learn a trade, help them learn they can live without drugs. Not everyone can live without some kind of stimulation, people drink coffee a which is a stimulant, they smoke, drink.
Unless some has done a real crime I think jail isn't the answer. If it was going to detour addicts by now there would be less addicts because they would be scared of the thought of going to jail. When wanting to use the need seems to out weight the consquences.
Holli, its great your daughter went to rehab, encourage her, let her know your proud of her and love her. Also know most addicts don't go to rehab only once and get clean, most go several times. Also when she gets out help her but do not give her money. I am for CRAFT which is Community Reinforcement approach and family training. Here's a site which explains it. I used to think tough love and detach. All it did was make me tougher and by detaching it hardens you. Sure after you've beat your head against the door so many times you will be sick and tired. But if you know why addicts keep using, excepting not all will just quit and never go back and instead realize quitting is many steps of using, not using with times not using getting longer and times of using growing shorted.
Here's the link:
http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/family.htm
It's also necessary, and not something that anyone should delay doing. Most of us didn't really start detaching until we were worn out and exhausted, and some of us still aren't doing it.
After reading so many stories on here about the number of years the pain drags on for a parent or partner of an addict(s), I now think people should be made aware of these issues as early as possible. My message is don't wait until you are worn out to learn about healthy and effective detachment. What a waste of life - been there.