Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
SERIOUSLY...so I posted the 'can I come HOME PLEASE?'....and shortly there after I get a call from THE POLICE STATION....seems they where somewhere partying and don't know what happened but 30 guys jumped my son and were beating him pretty badly and his buddy pulled a fire alarm to stop them and give them a chance to 'get out of dodge' and he had lost his wallet and phone and the police somehow got him, the buddy took off, and now have him in jail. He called me, his one call, and I told him I would NOT bail him out, this is one he got himself into and I would not be getting him out of it (he spent 4 months in our correctional facility and I NEVER once went to see him, I wrote to him, but that was it, no money, no calls....)I told him, he would need to go live with his 'birth father' and his grandmother said she would help him, so I DID put a call to his 'buddy' and he called the grandmother ( I will NOT talk to 'that' side of the family)...and let HER deal with him now, the father was not around for 20 years, never made the effort to look for him or show up at his visitation days...so let HIM take over now, they had been in contact somehow when he was in the big jail....telling him how they'd been looking for him all these years, yada yada yada....well STEP UP TO THE PLATE THEN!....
I told him I loved him very much, but that he needs to take care of his own life and I had NOT seen ONE bit of change in his life. He said he knew, he wasn't asking me for anything (really? arg)....
But again, I had JUST calmed down after the carnage from the LAST go around....I am not 'freaking' like I use to, I guess I'm use to it now....sad to say...but one thing is keeping me grounded:
He USE to be my child, he is now an adult. The law states at 18 they are adults. Well, he is 22, no longer a child that needs 'taken care of'....he is an adult....he has been TAUGHT ALL THE LESSONS needed to live, now HE needs to be the one to apply it. I have taken my life back and I will maintain that, because honestly it feels GREAT to not have to walk on egg shells and I REFUSE to go back to that. AND our home here is NOT a hotel, the revolving door CLOSED. I will be DAMNED if I go through this crap anymore.
Then I see the reports of Whitney....such a beautiful God given talent that AGAIN went to drugs and down that road of hell...not sure if it was the drugs that killed her, BUT it certainly killed her career and her self esteem etc...
It's such a sad world we live in when all you hear is drugs drugs drugs...and see the path of destruction that drugs leaves.
I HATE DRUGS! What is it the young kids say? "hate the game not the playa?".....
I'm okay, just venting it out there.....my mind is clear, I know what I'm doing is the right thing for not only myself and my husband, but for our Son. I'm strong and this is MY life!
I told him I loved him very much, but that he needs to take care of his own life and I had NOT seen ONE bit of change in his life. He said he knew, he wasn't asking me for anything (really? arg)....
But again, I had JUST calmed down after the carnage from the LAST go around....I am not 'freaking' like I use to, I guess I'm use to it now....sad to say...but one thing is keeping me grounded:
He USE to be my child, he is now an adult. The law states at 18 they are adults. Well, he is 22, no longer a child that needs 'taken care of'....he is an adult....he has been TAUGHT ALL THE LESSONS needed to live, now HE needs to be the one to apply it. I have taken my life back and I will maintain that, because honestly it feels GREAT to not have to walk on egg shells and I REFUSE to go back to that. AND our home here is NOT a hotel, the revolving door CLOSED. I will be DAMNED if I go through this crap anymore.
Then I see the reports of Whitney....such a beautiful God given talent that AGAIN went to drugs and down that road of hell...not sure if it was the drugs that killed her, BUT it certainly killed her career and her self esteem etc...
It's such a sad world we live in when all you hear is drugs drugs drugs...and see the path of destruction that drugs leaves.
I HATE DRUGS! What is it the young kids say? "hate the game not the playa?".....
I'm okay, just venting it out there.....my mind is clear, I know what I'm doing is the right thing for not only myself and my husband, but for our Son. I'm strong and this is MY life!
They know all of this now about the genetic's and how some people the psychological cravings are so powerful that in order for that person to quit they need to take another drug to help the brain quit yelling, I NEED DRUGS. Some of these drugs block receptors and others do different things so the person brain will calm down. Sadly he is following in the path of Whitney, Michael Jackson and numerous other chronic addicts.
I hope he gets help, maybe his being in jail will help his head clear out just enough so he will want to stop. Its all sad to me.
Setting boundaries is like a willow tree, you have to set them, but sometimes you have to bend a little to see if you can help in a different way. Don't bail him out, let him sit and then see if he is willing to get help. If so check onto St Judes in NY, an excellent program. http://www.soberforever.net/vare.cfm?source=googleDonationSJRH
To them concerts are no fun without drugs - isn't that just an insult to the musician? Friends are no fun without drugs - isn't that an insult to their friends? I remember last easter, my girlfriend and I had been invited to an easter brunch at her neighbors house. Before hand she said, "I feel like getting stoned before I go over there." Seriously? These are people who love her and she claims to love - yet she needs to be stoned in order to enjoy them? And she was 42 years old at the time! She had the most perfect son in the world, people who loved her, so many great ideas, but her goal in life was to "party and smoke weed until she is 80." Wow, what a goal! I just don't understand it.
The hopeful thing is your son is young, and hopefully he will be one of the many young people who get it out of their system, finally see the light of day and the natural beauty in life, sober up and live to their potential.
I will not allow him to move back home for any reason at this point. My marriage was suffering and we are JUST getting back to better days. I will not give him any money either. I have gotten him a spot at a sober house, but he REFUSES to live there. They will set him up with work etc....but he says he is 'better than that'....(picture my face with eyebrows raised here).
His grandmother (my ex mother in law) has OFFERED him to live with his father in his home, he refuses 'it's too far'....too far from WHAT?
So, needless to say, my head is pounding from hitting the brick wall.
I will see what happens next, but in the meantime, my prayers are ongoing through the day. If prayers help....