Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
my boyfriend beat his addiction to alcohol, 20 years of heavy drinking. It is going to be 5 years. We have been together over 5. He stopped 6 months after we met. During his recovery time our relationships was all over the place. He cheated, he lied, then he came back, then there was honey moon, then there was more cheating and lying. I suspected that he is bipolar. Once the alcohol was out of the picture, his mental illness got even worse. It has been a merry go round of break ups and make ups.
He finally stopped lying and cheating and we moved in together. He started seeing a psychiatrist and a counselor.He officially got diagnosed with bipolar and got on meds, but the problems has not stopped. The mood swings, the medication side effects, the struggle - it is all back, except now we are not having sex because of the meds. For one good day, there are 10 bad ones.
The effect of abuse he suffered as a child and genetic predisposition is are not going away.
I know a few other people who stayed with addicts, and are going through the same thing.
I hate to paint this hopeless picture, but this is a reality. Besides, I worked in health care for 20 years almost.. I have seen everything. I don’t know why I thought this would be different. It is not.
I don’t know why I am staying in this relationship. I am very successful, I am attractive, by all means I am a catch, but I love him and can’t throw him out of my life. On the good days we are extremely happy.. but there are so few.
I ve been in therapy for years for my own issues. My therapist does not encourage me to leave him. He thinks we are a match.. he just tells me that this is what happens when someone is mentally ill.
The thought of dating makes me nauseous. The thought of leaving makes me fall apart, and I tried. Many times.
I don’t NEED to be with anyone, but I want to be with him despite all this bullshit.
I make connections with people very easily, but to reach a deeper level is.. challenging. There are lots of men who want to date me but I have zero attraction to them, because they are not him.
So, I guess I am going to be in this mess for the rest of my life or until I fall out of love with him, which will take more than this.
My word is a device is that if you have children - do NOT stay. It will scar them forever. Get your own space so they can feel safe from this madness.
My kids are basically grown, so they don’t see him.
That’s about it. I hope that you, girls, succeed and take care of yourself, because God knows, no one will take care of us.
You are not alone in this as it is majorly disappointing to find that even with sobriety they can't be there for you. Thank you for sharing your story as it could help others!
big hug !
One thing I wanted to add to my post... apparently my mother was also BPD alcoholic, she is dead due to alcohol complications, but this “journey” with my bf helped me get closure with my mother in my own head.
All my life I kept asking why she did what she did to me, and now that I understand that she had severe mental illness, I am able to forgive her.
I too love him with all my being and don't wanna be without him. The ptsd... the ups and downs. He's been clean and sober over 4 years. I swear he's bi polar. But not diagnosed. He struggles so bad in his own mind. And loves to tell me how I couldn't possibly understand.
Okay so I cant be in his head. But he can't be in mine either. He expects me to forgive all the past because everything falls under the"high blanket" like "I'm sorry, I was high all the time, I messed up" and them I'm not allowed to have any of the hurt of the past. I still have anxiety attacks if he takes cash out of the bank. Sorry I rambled... it's one of those days where he woke up miserable. Cursing up a storm and every muscle in my body is now tense and I can barely function. I know we are supposed to forgive and move on. But we are the ones who are still suffering.... at least I am.
Thanks for listening.
Also, this is a sign that the person is not Far enough in their sobriety - when this person is unable to acknowledge the damage done and sincerely comfort you.
It takes a very mature individual to make that happen, and in my experience this kind of maturity comes after years of sobriety.
He may have addressed his addiction and mental health issues, but the personality disorder that he has has destroyed everything.
I am mush better off without him
evident. Becoming more and more independent is a good focus, regardless of what you decide to do.