Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
So, with our son home, it's been going okay....he's working, staying out of trouble...and me, I've been a happier to see that he is really starting to finally grow up....and then....wait for it....he pulls a bone headed move. NOT drug related....just 20 something related...
He asked if his GF could stay over last night, he knows our house rules...NO GIRLS overnight! Always has been, and he has broken it a few times and snuck his old (ick) GF in and a neighborhood girl(nothing going on there, but still he snuck her in and I woke up to her coming out of the bathroom and was surprised and ticked)....I told him NO....told him too, NOT to put my back against the wall as he would NOT like the results either (meaning, when I get home from work at 10:30pm that they better NOT be here waiting for ME to drive her an hour away home)....so I get home, the hubby was ticked as he lvm for him to see if he would allow her to stay over, he never called him back, he said 'this kid KNOWS the rules!"....so we went to bed....I was still up at 12:15 am when he came in, I got up and low and behold she is right behind him, WELL, she was shocked when she saw my face and that I was pissed...she has an eating and anxiety disorder, so she got really nervous and ran for the bathroom and got sick. She was very apologetic and I did understand, she wasn't drinking, she was scared when she saw how mad I was. So I went up stairs, and with hubby sound asleep, put on my shoes grabbed my pocket book and told them to get in the car, she was going home.
Now I had been up since 4:30am that morning, so I'm dog tired, I'm on my feet at work and walk about 5 miles on my shifts. So I get them in the car and proceed to take her home, I am NOT talking...I explained to her our house rules, she can visit, come over for dinner, but not allowed to stay over. She was very sweet and asked if she could give me money for gas, I refused. She is working hard and I do like her and it is not HER fault, he told her it was okay she stay. I also told her how manipulative he is and that he lies to get what he wants and can be at times very selfish. He said NOTHING at that.
On the ride home, I told my son we would talk in the a.m. as I was too pissed and need time to calm down.
We got home at 2:30 am, went to bed, don't even think hubby knew I was gone. Got up at 4:30am, got hubby off to work and back to bed. Got up at 10 am, and he has an interview to go to for another job (needs the money)....so after that we talked.
Result: He has TWO months to get his own place, JUNE 24th, whether he has a place or not, he is OUT OF HERE. That is it.
I told him I felt betrayed, lied to and further more used and that he was VERY selfish only thinking about himself. I had been up for 23 hours by the time we got home, and I only had a few hours sleep the night before and last night to boot. He agreed to it, he said he understood and he was stupid to have done that and he felt bad and apologized. Too late for that though. He can do what he wants in his OWN place.
So that is that....I really felt great that I took the time to think about what I was going to say.
KIM: 15 words or less....THAT is always in my head now when I talk to him and it works.
I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I told him we love him, but he is a man and he does need his own 'space' and we are old fashioned and maybe her folks are okay with him staying over, but we aren't. And it is after all, OUR HOME.
My Mom and Dad are looking down and saying 'FINALLY at almost 52 our little girl is all growed up!"....LOL....
He asked if his GF could stay over last night, he knows our house rules...NO GIRLS overnight! Always has been, and he has broken it a few times and snuck his old (ick) GF in and a neighborhood girl(nothing going on there, but still he snuck her in and I woke up to her coming out of the bathroom and was surprised and ticked)....I told him NO....told him too, NOT to put my back against the wall as he would NOT like the results either (meaning, when I get home from work at 10:30pm that they better NOT be here waiting for ME to drive her an hour away home)....so I get home, the hubby was ticked as he lvm for him to see if he would allow her to stay over, he never called him back, he said 'this kid KNOWS the rules!"....so we went to bed....I was still up at 12:15 am when he came in, I got up and low and behold she is right behind him, WELL, she was shocked when she saw my face and that I was pissed...she has an eating and anxiety disorder, so she got really nervous and ran for the bathroom and got sick. She was very apologetic and I did understand, she wasn't drinking, she was scared when she saw how mad I was. So I went up stairs, and with hubby sound asleep, put on my shoes grabbed my pocket book and told them to get in the car, she was going home.
Now I had been up since 4:30am that morning, so I'm dog tired, I'm on my feet at work and walk about 5 miles on my shifts. So I get them in the car and proceed to take her home, I am NOT talking...I explained to her our house rules, she can visit, come over for dinner, but not allowed to stay over. She was very sweet and asked if she could give me money for gas, I refused. She is working hard and I do like her and it is not HER fault, he told her it was okay she stay. I also told her how manipulative he is and that he lies to get what he wants and can be at times very selfish. He said NOTHING at that.
On the ride home, I told my son we would talk in the a.m. as I was too pissed and need time to calm down.
We got home at 2:30 am, went to bed, don't even think hubby knew I was gone. Got up at 4:30am, got hubby off to work and back to bed. Got up at 10 am, and he has an interview to go to for another job (needs the money)....so after that we talked.
Result: He has TWO months to get his own place, JUNE 24th, whether he has a place or not, he is OUT OF HERE. That is it.
I told him I felt betrayed, lied to and further more used and that he was VERY selfish only thinking about himself. I had been up for 23 hours by the time we got home, and I only had a few hours sleep the night before and last night to boot. He agreed to it, he said he understood and he was stupid to have done that and he felt bad and apologized. Too late for that though. He can do what he wants in his OWN place.
So that is that....I really felt great that I took the time to think about what I was going to say.
KIM: 15 words or less....THAT is always in my head now when I talk to him and it works.
I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I told him we love him, but he is a man and he does need his own 'space' and we are old fashioned and maybe her folks are okay with him staying over, but we aren't. And it is after all, OUR HOME.
My Mom and Dad are looking down and saying 'FINALLY at almost 52 our little girl is all growed up!"....LOL....
You finally took control of your life,,,
Proud of you sister!!!
Hugs& kisses
Kim
Ps,,,, funny thing about your sunflowers ,, those are one of my favorite! At my old house I had a bathroom that was entirely decorated in sunflowers,,,, just thought I give you a chuckle