Crap, what the hell can you do?
Let it fall.
Hang in there.
Joe
P.S. Maybe you can do something nice for yourself.

First question... Is he working a Program? Does he have a sponsor? Is he attending meetings? Getting and staying in recovery is a lot of work and requires a lot of dedication.
If he isn't doing this... if he hasn't already relapsed back to his DOC, Crack, he's on his way.
Second Question? Does he normally smoke cigs? If not, and even if he does. Addicts stick the crack on the end of a cig and smoke it that way.
If he's not back on crack... he's relapsed anyway. Alcohol is a drug. It is mind altering. An addict does not have the luxury of changing his drug of choice. If he thinks he can drink alcohol, he's still in denial. It's like changing seats on the Titanic, he's still going down.
I can empathize with your sick nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach. It's there for a reason. Listen to it.
I know this is hard to hear... we, just like the addict have to hit bottom too. Ignoring the elephant in the room is not accomplishing a thing. It will be sooner or it will be later, you'll need to confront it. Sooner is better it generally limits the financial disaster.
I'm sorry you are walking on eggshells and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Please get to an Alanon meeting. If you can't get to one physically, logon to www.stepchat.com they have 24/7 meetings and chatrooms. You'll get alot of support and information to help you make the right decisions for you and let him have his own journey.
Remember, you cannot cause, control or cure his addiction. You cannot Change him or be responsible for him. Things will only change when you change.
Good Luck and God Bless.

Wow.. I noted in your profile you were divorced... and now you have a finance? I don't know.. just a thought but perhaps you are moving way to fast in trying to find a partner and not being as selective as you should be.

Like you were told..he is NOT in recovery. Alcohol is a drug. And if he's using ANY mood altering substance, he's not clean. Please go to a meeting, if you can. Being clean means..no drugs, no alcohol. And if he thinks he can drink...he's kidding himself. And if he hasn't used crack by now...he will. My ex used to pull the same crap. It's just a beer. He KNEW better. And he tried to b.s. me that way. And I had enough Alanon to know...no booze, no drugs. He also used to use beer as a cover for getting high. He'd come home drunk and say he was NOT usin. He was. My boundary with my ex was NO booze, NO drugs...or he was out. And that is why we've been apart 3 years. And every woman after me as said...well he's ONLY drinking...that's not a problem. And they learned the hard way.

thanks for all your comments...

MGS1 - :(

in response to your first question,
NO...no program, no sponsor, no meetings, he seems to think he can do it all alone...this last episode happened Tuesday night...Wed evening, he came home, accused me of keep my truck as a punishment to him for doing something i don't like...well...since this really wasn't the case, i called him on it...i asked him what he had done to make me mad at him since i never said anything...he said he hadn't done anything (of course) but that i always keep my truck to punish him (not true, i keep my truck because it is after all MY TRUCK...and sometimes, i do keep my truck because i don't TRUST him...but that's because he's given me reason not to trust him!) anyway, i'm ranting again....

second question...
Yes, he has ALWAYS smoked cigarrettes, i wish he wouldn't, for health reasons, but he has, and does...and has increased lately, it's almost like he's chain smoking...another sign (to me) that his DOC(Crack) is pulling him....

i realize that just because he's not using, but still drinking, he's still caught in the grip of his addiction...that's why i was so upset tuesday night...i know that the drinking is his trigger for using...i just wish he would realize that....

and thanks for that link for online support...i am definately going to use it...

i think maybe, its getting better...on New Years Eve, he said he "need a drink"...i winced, made a face, but didn't say a thing!...we went home, he ate dinner, and drank the last two beers he had in the house...after a while, he asked me to go to the store and buy him some beer...i told him i would not go get him the beer because he hadn't fixed me my dinner plate when i asked him to (i know its childish, but i was still a little angry from tues. night)...He just laughed, and said "Okay, well i'll just go and get it later"...well...later never came!!!..We went to bed at 9:30 (on new years eve!) and woke up the next morning/year...He washed the dishes, went to the store, didn't buy any beer, cooked breakfast and dinner...and now here we are on the 3rd day of the year, and still no beer!!!!...i don't know, maybe i'm just building up my hopes, or maybe, he quietly made a resolution to really get SOBER this year...i don't know but i'm just going to continue to love him, pray for him, and support him as best as i can, ONE DAY AT A TIME...

once again, thanks for all of your support...and MSG1, i do appreciate your help and thoughts, and i know you have no way of knowing this, but...My first husband and i separated in Sept.95...our divorce wasn't final until Mar.97...it took me over 10 years for me to say 'My Fiance'...my divorce was the begining of my demise...emotionally speaking, i literally DIED...i lost my passion for everything...and only now am i beging to realize and recover from that!...i loved my ex husband dearly, and it took me over 10 years to get over him, and fall in love with someone else...when i met and fell in love with my fiance, he was sober...that was one of the things that attracted me to him, he did smoke, but he didn't drink...i didn't know that he was a recovering addict...by the time i found out, i was already in love with the SOBER man...I just recently realized that the love i feel for him, is greater than the love i felt for my ex-husband...and it keeps growing...it's just the addict in him that i despise!

anyway, i've ranted and vented long enough...
thanks again for all your support...

-DR-

O my MSG is right on about everything. I know you think 3 days is a good start . I dont want to rain on ur parade but he is probably already using again and the 3 days no drinkin and bein nice is his GUILT. We have all been there please follow ur gut listen to it, it never steers us wrong. I know you love him we all love our significant other/but thinking he is changing overnite u are going to be in for a huge letdown. Sorry but thats the way these things go. I wish you peace cause you are def. going to need it. Well best of luck to you. Remeber we are all here for you.

I know its tough, has he been compliant with his meetings ( NA), has he been arriving late to work? Does he go to the gym and excercise? If he is However you know better than me what he is up to. Crack is a tough drug. If you don't have any kids together it should be easier to step aside. I know its tough.

All I can say is if he is your fiance, don't marry him...at least not now. Don't do it until you are POSITIVE that he has recovered from his addiction. Once you are married, it will be so much harder to leave if you decide to....there will be so much more involved in that decision.

Also, I really don't beleive that a true addict can quit on their own. Maybe is it possible, but Ive never seen it happen. I think it is just another excuse to keep from having to actually quit. My husband tried this method...he never quit. I really don't think he was even trying. I beleive he just said that so I would leave alone about getting treatment.
Like some others have said, I don't think that 3 days of being sober means he is on his way to recovery. My husband has been sober for days, even weeks, but he always goes right back. Not to say he will never quit, but just don't get yourself too excited over his actions....you are most likely just setting yourself up for major disappointment. I know....I've been there.
I hope he is truly ready to stop...good luck with everything!

I feel for you! I have been there and I know exactly what your going through. I can go into detail but our stories are very much the same. The key though is this...it wasnt until I said you have to go and he packed his bag and I politly closed the door, did the process of recovery start. Yuur man,he is not a bad person and doesnt want to put you through this. BUT his addiction is much more powerful then willpower itself. You MUST let him hit his rock bottom on his own or hopefully get into treatment before then. Right now your life consists of worrying about him. Well, all the worrying in the world will not make him sober. And it wont do you any good in your own personal growth. He needs to go to treatment, crack is not just something you can stop on your own.. Its such a powerful drug. Im speaking from my truth and many years of suffering, pain, uncertainty and caos. You owe it to yourself to not get dragged down anymore. Especially if you love this man. After my husband left our home and our two kids he hit rock bottom real fast. Because there was no one to answer to and no one to blame. He spent two days on the streets and then showed up at his parents home. From there we drove him to treatment. This is 6 years after when it started. And your stuation is where we started from. Now he has almost 5 years sober.
I strongly suggest you go to an alanon meeting, meet other woman in your situation. Support is the key to this crazy ride. I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself.

Hugs to you, DR,

All I can suggest to you is For you to get to a Meeting pronto! AlAnon, NarcAnon, Openn AA or NA meeting(s) will do.
Trust your gut, you will find the answers you need for yourself, there really is not much that you can do for him... Hope this helps.