Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Please tell me what you think!!!! In case you don't know the history here's a brief run down. My son is a heroin addict he went to rehab suppose to be for 30 day, but he left, was suppose to go to sober living, but they wouldn't take him cause he left rehab. Tried to come back to my house I told him no! He ended up at a men's shelter which they drug test, have curfews, they also try and help u get on your feet. He got kicked out of there. He gave some story, but I think he's lying I think he got kicked out for drugs. He says he's clean, but I'm sure he's not!! Anyway he ended up at my moms who felt sorry for him, and she knows all of his past history with drugs, and everything he has done, and why I won't let him come home. He cried his big tears and she let him stay with her. A couple days later she goes and buys him a camper and puts it beside her garage and that's where he sleeps. She's been rude to me and acts like I'm this horrible mother knowing good and well what my son has put me thru for the last 5 years, and how much I have tried to help him. She thinks he's clean, and I know he's not, but she won't listen. Anyway I just found out that my sons father who is my ex had checks missing and come to find out my son has been writing checks to Walmart and getting cash back. He has to know the person at Walmart because these checks are out of state checks. Anyway am I crazy or do you guys think he is using again? I think he is but my mom tries to make me feel bad, and says he's not using. She doesn't know about the checks yet . He wrote 5 checks in less than a week, and his dad reported to the bank, and then called the police so that's why I haven't said anything to my mom she will find out soon enough. My mom also had dome jewelry come up missing but she doesn't think my son did it. Well jezzz who else would of done it. I love my son soooo much but all this drama with him is driving me crazy do I'm done with all of it until he gets the help he needs. I have a wonderful husband who has been there for me and for my son thru all of this and now I think it's time for us to live our lives!! Sorry so long.. Just had to get all this off my chest... Thanks for listening!
I and my hubby too want OUR LIVES BACK and love him but if that is the way he wants to live his life so be it but not under OUR ROOF. He is 22.
I feel for your Mother, she is trying to keep the faith, but in reality, she KNOWS why her jewelry is missing, but she won't admit it. I feel badly that these addicts don't have the what for to realize how much they hurt the ones that REALLY love them. She is only being rude because she KNOWS the truth, but doesn't want you to know how wrong she is, she feels foolish now, another way they drag us into their drama. She feels used and like I felt, just plain stupid for thinking the best and receiving the worst.
My Mother had an issue with my brother and I was VERY young, but she tossed his butt to the curb at age 18 and never looked back, now I wonder how she could've been that strong, I never saw her worry about him, it was like she turned it all off, they didn't talk for YEARS and then he came back to town, and my father and him didn't talk for about 15 years, then they got it sort of back together, but I wish I knew how she did it, it NEVER slowed her down, NEVER curbed her lifestyle and she NEVER let it seep into her life. Or she never showed it, the strongest woman I have known. Just glad she isn't alive to see this happening to her grandchild.
I wish you peace, strength to move forward and live your life happily.
Huge hugs to you!
K
You are NOT a bad mother by any means. What you're doing now is called tough love. Your mother is in for a rude awakening. The difference is, you have been dragged through the mud so to speak with his addiction. You know the signs, you know how this works, you know to trust your gut because 99% of the time you're probably right.
You know he's lying. You know he's using again. And I believe your mother does too, she just can't admit it to herself yet. We all want to believe our loved ones are clean, that they wouldn't do this to us again, but they're addicts. The most important thing you need to remember is to be honest with yourself. And you can only focus on what you have the ability to control. You can't control your mother, you can't control your son, but you can control yourself.
My heart goes out to you....
He has found a new enabler.. You have done the right thing, your mother will soon learn.
It is common for people to enable, all of us did before we finally said enough. Your mom will have to figure this our for herself. When your son steals enough stuff or money I hope she realizes how she is hurting him more then helping. Instead of telling her print out some information and leave it for her to read.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to shut out her drama, his drama, and focus on the sane people around you. You need to work your own recovery from your history of codependency. I'm pleased the cheque fraud was reported. Protect yourselves as much as you can from any consequences that may fall on you.
It may take time, but eventually if your mother understands what she's done, she will one day admit this to you and your relationship with her can heal. At the moment if you try to tell her or leave information for her, it will just cause more drama between you, and you don't need that. You need peace from all this addiction and codependency. I wish you well!