((((HUGS))))) I hear you on the "friends" issue, I truly believe if I could take my entire life (family, house, job) and relocate to another state things would get much easier. With that said, if hubby was serious about recovery, he would cut them out (not that you didn't already know that) so its hime your pissed at, not them. Its really hard to love someone and resent them at the same time...and something I struggle with constantly. My heart goes out to you! My advise is next time he gives you money, spend it immediately, even if its on a month's supply of diapers, then he can't take it back, lol! (spitefule, I know, but can you blame me?)

Hope lives...Boy we sure do have lots in common! Sorry to say it for both of us! I have reported my husband when he was high and drunk driving. The 911 operator laughed at me and told me that if I cared enough to report him, I should have stopped him. Like that was happening!
Mine use to leave me no money for formula or diapers. Boy was that fun!
I have to go to court this morning to reinstate a PFA, and make it stick this time. I think that 17 years of the same bull is enough. Please don't let so much time pass(like I did) to live your life. You deserve it! So do your girls! PS...Thanks for the hug this morning I really needed it! You made me make a decision that I should have done a long time ago! Thanks...Jeannette

Sadly, we all can relate to your pain and frustration. I appears that your bf is not living up to his responsibilities as a father and mature, loving partner. Seems like addicted adolescent behavior to me. Your feelings of resentment are valid. I ,too, would wish he would just disappear from our lives, just to be able to live with out all that pain and drama. good luck to you. Al-anon helps, the support on this site is amazing, and i find one on one counseling the best option for me.

Know the feeling....my bf has been clean for a few months now....and now has the nerve to tell me that he is who he is and that i need to accept it or get over it....cuz we are not splitting up....so either i accept the alcohol which in past leads to drugs and im sure it will again....and the fact that it will again upset our lives....or just get over it. What a load of crap!!! I am in the love-hate stage too. But I think the hate is starting to win!!! Enough is enough!

I know what you mean about the friends. I had to draw the line with two of my son's friends and tell them that if I ever saw them on my property again I would have them arrested for trespassing. That at least kept them away from my house, but not away from my son. In the end, adults get to make choices about who their friends are. If your boyfriend wants to hang out with them, then it also says something about him. The fact that he wanted to go along with friends to steal a van also says something about his character. You'll need to ask yourself if this is typical of his values because you seem like a person who is responsible and wants to do the right thing, and the values don't seem to match up. Also ask yourself if these are the values that you would like him to pass on to your daughter.

Go ahead and report the friend, but I can tell you from personal experience that new friends are always around the corner and they can be just as bad as the old ones. I also found that police aren't able to do much unless there's enough evidence for a warrant. They will keep watch, but it may be hard to catch them. Then if they are watching the friend, your boyfriend could get caught doing something illegal with him.

I'm a little confused by some of the things that you said. You mentioned that he had a positive attitude about recovery since Saturday. Is that when you had your discussion about boundaries? Has he made any attempt at recovery before then?

You mentioned that you are the only one that fights for him to stay clean. You are in the same boat as many of us. In the end, we learn that we can fight with everything we have to get a person clean and sober, but it's not in our control. He is the person who needs to want to be clean and to fight to make it happen. No one can do that for him. If we could, believe me, I would have found a way because I feel like I tried everything.

What you can control is the happiness and safety of your child. She is only 8 months old. Do I understand it right that he was taking care of her yesterday and you came home to find out that he was on his second six pack? If he was taking care of an 8 month old while he was drunk, then the bigger issue is her safety. The other question is whether he is ever with his friends while he's watching her and if he would ever be tempted to take her along on an adventure.

Perhaps I misunderstood and he was not taking care of her, and only broke the boundary by drinking during the week and spending the money. That's still a problem, and I can understand why you would be upset, but it's not as big of a problem as it would be if he got drunk while watching her.

It has to be tough if you are the one working and you don't have child care options. It might be a good idea for you to look into other options for your daughter, such as child care grants or working with your boyfriend's mother to find other arrangements. I think you're right that he and his friends might end up in jail at some time and you'll need to have a Plan B. Good luck to you and your baby.

Its all a cycle, give then a little money and they are back to drinking and or drugging.
Like you, I did sometimes wish ah didn't come back or waited to hear he was dead. Eventually your life seems to be robotic. Plus his friends, as long as he is drinking he is going to still hang our with his buds. It sounds like he is cutting back and he may in time decide to quit, but that could be years or never or next year. You just never know.
I agree next time take the money and spend it immediately or at least tell him its gone.

So sorry your going through this, my hubby in the past would go out on binges - not every weekend but when he did he would leave for work on Friday morning and I would not see him until Sunday evening and all his paycheck would be gone. If I had not been working I don't know what I would have done.

Finally one day I did get that call - he had passed out at the wheel on the interstate going about 80 mph. Fortunately he hit a guard rail and not some innocent family. I kicked him out and filed for divorce. I had had enough. Long story but our divorce did go through and we got back together a year later then remarried 4 years after that, he had stopped drinking completely.

He slipped up this past year a couple of times but he realized he isn't 25 anymore and his system just can't take it, so he stopped again on his own. We will see how it goes.

I agree with laurap - if he gives you money spend it right away.

Good luck and hugs

Wow, so sorry to hear this. I am also at the end of my rope with my boyfriend. We don't have kids together, and I can imagine that it must be even harder when you have a kid...so I admire that you are keeping it together, because I can hardly stand it and hold it together, and that's without a baby!

Mine BF hasn't touched cocaine in years, and was sober for 10 months...10 months! I really thought that all that crap was behind us. But I was wrong. Last week, he finally tells me that he started drinking 3 weeks ago!

And the drinking is on top of all our other problems, like how he doesn't appreciate me or treat me right, etc.

I am taking a break from him. Not breaking up with him...but taking time to focus on my own life. I haven't seen him in a week. I told him not to contact me. It is hard, because I have no idea what he is doing, or using, or drinking.....but I remind myself to stop thinking of him, and focus on my life for the next while...

....and, you know, this has been one of the most peaceful weeks I've had in a long time. No waiting for crazy, drunken phone calls at 4 am, no heart-crushing news, no money suddenly missing from the bank account.

Here's something I've wondered about....are there more male alcoholics then female??? How come every time I hear about an alcoholic driving their mate crazy, it's a male alcoholic??? I don't know, maybe it's just a coincidence, and there's no more male alcoholics then female ones....maybe I just hear more stories about the male ones, or soemthing.

Gonna, I have been wondering if part of my attraction to the relationship with my addict was the excitement and drama he would bring into my fairly ordinary life...plus he was witty and thoughtful when he was in his right mind. I hope you will really think about how nice the peace is for you, how healthy it can be, and use that caring for yourself to make decisions about your future. You deserve to have the best life possible, and it's up to us to make that happen, hard as it may be.

Aw, thank you so much.

Yes, I think I know what you mean about adding drama. I've wondered a similar thing. My mother married 3 times, all to rather dramatic, problamatic men. I wonder if that gave me the idea that relationships should involve drama...