Our daughter and our neice did the very same thing upon getting out of rehab! Just goes to show you they will do exactly what they want to do and continue to lie and manipulate. And yes - both were probally using within a week.

I learned the hard way that substance abusers (my son is an alcoholic and also was using marijuana heavily for many years) will lie and manipulate you - it becomes second nature for them. It is VERY painful to be on the receiving end of their lies, especially if you have had a good relationship with the child when he or she was younger.

You are very correct in saying that you can't help her if you can't believe a word she says. The incredibly difficult road we parents (and others who are close to substance abusers have to take) is to learn the balance between enabling and being there for them in a healthy way. I also see myself as a "sucker", as my husband and I have been supporting my 27-year-old son (he lives separately from us) for three years now, because I just cannot stop paying his rent and have him be out on the street. (We also rent and cannot have a third person in our apartment, but I would have a nervous breakdown if he lived with us anyway, so it is for the best...) I hear mothers in Al-Anon talk about "cutting-off" their kids, and although I certainly FEEL like doing this sometimes, I don't know how I would be able to. It is even more complicated because he is sober now, and has been for a year, and is really trying to turn his life around...but he has drained me and my husband emotionally and financially, and we still live with intense worry regarding how he will end up. (He can't find a job.)

I understand the incredible disappointment you can experience when your child lies to you...

Janet

I know the hurt from being lied to-it's happened too often with me.
When Hanna is released, does she have a choice of where to go or does she have to go a Sober living home? I'm sure it's up to her, but was hoping otherwise.
You'll be in my prayers. I hope it works out. Please don't feel bad for believing her story-unfortunatly almost all of us have been there. It's like when can you trust your adult child.
Lots of hugs to you)))
love,
lydiaAnn

Janet, my heart goes out to you. I'm glad your son is now clean-that's great. Sometimes, we just have to keep helping them.
I have to decide how much help I will give my son now that he's betrayed my trust again. No job & his girlfriend might be pregnant-to bring a baby into the world like this. Sometimes, it's hopeless.
I went to a alanon meeting & it was just like you said. I wish I could be half like that-maybe now I can.
Hugs))
lydiaAnn

You are taking things personally. don't.. this is an addicts sick brain that you are dealing with. it is not the sweet little girl you knew of before. there are a whole new set of rules.
i noticed in your other posting that you were looking forward to your daughter coming back so you could support her and encourage her to go to meetings. that was a flag for me even though i know you have the best of intentions.

what i have learned is that you have to educate yourself, detatch, and change YOUR behavior.

If you are a bug in someones ear to "go to meeing" "where are you going" "are you doing the right thing?" etc etc... then that is pushing them away. YOU can't do this for them. i was told from a counsler it isn't my job to regulate my addicts recovery. and I said "well how will i know the status, if he is going to meetings, etc" and i was told "if they are going to meetings and truly in recovery then they will talk to YOU about it"
anything else is static noise to them.. and they will lie and tell you what you want to hear and you just end up feeling like a jerk for believing and getting your hopes up.

i am so sorry you are going through this.. but you know what? we can't do it for them. it has to come from them.. their decisions, their faliures, ad their successes. its hard.. i know.

Good luck. Prayers for you.

Sometimes the people in the addicts lives are as sick as the addict.

The hardest thing I ever had to hear was my therapist telling me -
"Addicts are liars and manipulators, they will charm the pants off of you and strip you of all dignity and money." Of course, I was shocked and hurt ... but learned the hard way - it is true. Set some boundaries. Tell your daughter if she comes out of rehab and goes to live with her boyfriend, you will not be there for her. Tell her you love her and want to support her but you cannot support her living with him. She needs to go into a Sober Living home in order to have your help and support. If she refuses, stick to your guns. She needs to hit bottom before she will start making the right choices. And Yes, it hurts you more than it does her.
Stay Strong. It is a fine line between helping and hurting.