Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I know I am going to sound really selfish but I can't help it. My husband's own selfishness and addictions have kind of made me feel this way.
I will try to make it short. My husband is an alcoholic and drug addict. He is currently not on any drugs, but does still drink. His personality is always changing - up and down, nice or mean - I just never know.
Anyway - we have a 9 year old son and basically I do everything for our son. My husband works 6-7 days a week and sometimes gets home very late.
His father is also an alcoholic and lives close by but we hardly ever see him.
My husband does not get along with his stepmother and I think that may be part of the reason.
Anyway, next weekend I am planning on going away to my nephew's birthday party - over night as it is about a 2 hour drive. Just me and my son are going - not my husband - he never goes. He just happens to be going to a party that same night with some old friends.
That is the first problem, as I know he will drink and need to get a ride home. I am usually his designated driver, but don't plan on being here.
The 2nd thing is that he just found out his father has cancer and it does not look good. He called me just now crying on the phone. But I can't comfort him because he is not like that.
All I can think about is how he is going to turn this around so I will feel guilty about going away next weekend. I know that is selfish and horrible, but that is all I am thinking about. He always gives me a hard time anyway when I go away, but this will make it worse I am sure.
I don't know what to do or how to feel right now. I am just venting and I know I am projecting, but I do not see this going well for any of us. My so is so excited to go away and I don't want to ruin that for him, it will be the first time my whole family is together in almost 2 years.
Just had to vent and ask for some advice - sorry for the long post
Thanks
I will try to make it short. My husband is an alcoholic and drug addict. He is currently not on any drugs, but does still drink. His personality is always changing - up and down, nice or mean - I just never know.
Anyway - we have a 9 year old son and basically I do everything for our son. My husband works 6-7 days a week and sometimes gets home very late.
His father is also an alcoholic and lives close by but we hardly ever see him.
My husband does not get along with his stepmother and I think that may be part of the reason.
Anyway, next weekend I am planning on going away to my nephew's birthday party - over night as it is about a 2 hour drive. Just me and my son are going - not my husband - he never goes. He just happens to be going to a party that same night with some old friends.
That is the first problem, as I know he will drink and need to get a ride home. I am usually his designated driver, but don't plan on being here.
The 2nd thing is that he just found out his father has cancer and it does not look good. He called me just now crying on the phone. But I can't comfort him because he is not like that.
All I can think about is how he is going to turn this around so I will feel guilty about going away next weekend. I know that is selfish and horrible, but that is all I am thinking about. He always gives me a hard time anyway when I go away, but this will make it worse I am sure.
I don't know what to do or how to feel right now. I am just venting and I know I am projecting, but I do not see this going well for any of us. My so is so excited to go away and I don't want to ruin that for him, it will be the first time my whole family is together in almost 2 years.
Just had to vent and ask for some advice - sorry for the long post
Thanks
Go have fun and don't worry about who will be his designated driver. By being his you are enabling him, he's a big boy let him handle things he should be doing himself. He chooses to drink then he needs to find his own way home or worst if he gets a DUI don't bail him out. Let him be handle all aspects of his drinking by himself.
As for the party - I would not have gone anyway - not my scene. I told myself before that he is a grown man and should be able to take care of himself. It is just hard and I so appreciate hearing the words of support.
Thanks again
Made it bad because over 24 yr marriage, I had let my friendships slip away and found it difficult to have support system I needed to help me. Thank God for DS. I am rebuilding new relationships but very much wish I hadn't let go of ones over the years. Will never do again.
Go next weekend. Enjoy yourself. Fact is, if he doesn't change, your marriage is doomed anyway. May be a good time for you to reflect on what your marriage is like and really look to see if good to stay in marriage.
My kids are 22, 18 & 16 and they don't have much of a relationship with their dad. Addicts are not able to give emotionally like they should to their children. I have raised my kids really as a single parent that was married to their dad. And I should have gotten out of marriage sooner.
Good luck and enjoy yourself! You deserve it!