I would just like to welcome you to our group . This group is full of wonderful people with much knowledge and experience so I'm sure you will find it very helpful. My son is 18 addict started with pills and eventually heroin he has nearly died numerous times this year and he is not currently using but I worry every single day about relapse so I know how upsetting this is . Heroin is a very evil drug that gets such a strong hold on them that is NEARLY impossible to break free but it CAN be done. Many people will tell you you must set boundries for him and not enable him support his recovery but protect yourself in all aspects financial, health ,emotional I wish you much luck and prayers Keep coming back here so many here have helped me through my darkest times. Dee

Only you can decide what you will do.

All I can add is that you must seek support for yourself. When you are so wrapped up in your partners addiction you often forget to take care of yourself. Your kids need you to be well. You cannot take care of them properly if you are not feeling the best.

I had to let my husband go. I'm not advocating for kicking an addict out. Each situation has to be dealt with differently. What works for one person does not always work for another.

Here is my story so you can see you are not alone. My husband hid his addiction from me from day one. I never knew he had ever used speed. He was a terrific, loving guy. I loved him, the kids loved him even my cats couldn't resist him. Everything pointed to a great man who had just made some bad choices in his life, turned everything around to become a better man. I was wrong.

6 months into our relationship he started using again. I didn't know as he hid it very well. By 18 months he was using heavily. I had an idea he was using but couldn't prove it. I'd never been around addicts before so I didn't know the signs.

He started pulling away from me. Not calling for days and always had someone different in the car with him when I did see him. I ended our relationship as I thought he had no interest in me.

6 months later he came crawling back spouting he had never had anyone love him like I did and got scared. He was frightened to make a full commitment to anyone. I forgave him. He seemed so healthy, was working really hard and seemed to be really going somewhere with his life. Again I was wrong. I've since found out he often injected with his flat mate. I just didn't see it as he hide it so well.

A year later we were married. I didn't realise until I went to wash his shirt a few days later that he had injected ice. The blood stain on his shirt sleeve broke my heart. Funny thing was I couldn't face him with what I found. I still do not know why.

The following years were spent with him disappearing for 1-3 days at a time until I would blow up at him and then he would stop for a month or so. Then it was back to his party mode. The drugs ruled him and I meant nothing in comparison.

I spent nights with him hunting imaginary dark men that were following him, investigating things in the middle of he night just because he heard something. No one visited as he was paranoid and he started to make my sons life miserable by blaming him for everything. I didn't know what to do but try and help him quit.

The last straw for me is when I found out he had cheated on me. He use to bring this junkie home and she would stay with us for a few days. He kept saying she was just a friend but that was a lie. He was sleeping with her and not me. I had bad thoughts about their relationship at the time but as the 'good wife' I was I tried to support his friendships as he didn't have many. Now I know why. He is such a liar and eventually everyone finds out the truth and refuses to have anything to do with him.

The photos of the junkie mistress are burned into my memory as a constant reminder of what I truly meant to him, nothing.

8 weeks ago I let him go. He has gone for good this time. No returning from the pain he has caused. Sometimes I catch myself hoping for the man I first meet, that clean guy but he was only a mask. He wasn't real as the addict I know today is his true self.

I do not feel happy with ending our marriage but I do feel at peace. I tell you my story so you can see that to be without them isn't that bad. It is hard but better than the nights I spent home alone worrying if he would come home alive.

Only you can choose what is best for you, him and the kids. I hope for your families sake he seeks the help he needs with a heart that really wants change. Recovery is hard and they can fall along the way which makes support from family very important, but he has to really want to stop and only he can make that decision.

I wish you all the best at this terrible time. Seek help and support for yourself. My thoughts and well wishes are with you now.

If you do not stick to your word he will know you do not mean what you say. You said," I warned him that we will end if ever he did it again".
With addicts they get use to use making empty threats so they continue to use drugs and drink. My ex told me he knew I would not leave because I had threaten to do so several times. Finally I did make him leave. He didn't get clean again for 2 1/2 yrs, he is clean now but who knows for how long. His track record is not good.
You have to do what is best for you and your baby. Do not loose anymore children to foster care. Your baby needs her mom and needs the full attention of her mom. Her dad is sick at the moment and should he get and stay clean then I would consider taking him back.

so have you remained sober during your pregnancy? are you getting help for your problems? Sounds like you have a ton on your plate and you need to take care of yourself, and your child and be there for your other children.
You can't change him. You can change you.
Keep coming back

Welcome,, to the group,,, we all know what your going some of us just have different scenes,,,, I can only support you, my addict us my daughter,, same addiction,,,, I to had no idea whatsoever about drugs, or addicts,,, from what I saw in the past and addict looked no where Like what my beautiful, intelligent daughter looked like ,,, until I educated myself on addiction, and took off the rose color glasses and realized addicts could be anyone,, the drug world is not prejudice,,, I've learned what setting boundaries are,,, say what you mean, mean what you say,, has become a way of life for me,, in the past I realized that empty threats,, just became hot air,, I've learned a lot about myself,, that I was the biggest enabler,, even without realizing it,, I actually was no different then the dealer selling the drugs, except they were getting paid for it,,,tough love does not mean not loving, it means I love so much, that I refuse to live in the world of drugs,,, learning to detach from the addict,, that one is still hard at moments,,, unfortunate dealing with an addict,, is a life long journey,, addiction us a disease if the mind, body and soul, it can never be cured, only arrest, and that us totally up to the addict ,,, I'm a big advocate of supporting recovery 1000x, but I will not support the action of a "junkie",,

The response from nandou,,, was written perfectly ,, no one can tell you what to do,,, there is no right or wrong answers ,,,,except for taking care of you,,, we can not control others, only ourselves ,,,,

When the addiction becomes worse then the pleasure of the drug,, that's when an addict will stop using

Welcome,,,,, and listen to the katrina, hope, Palmer, dmatt, dee, blue, there are so many on here that feel your Paine,,

I know how u feel but you cannot help him he has to help himself. Sometimes u have to let go and hope one day they get clean and realize you were want made them special and remember you love,

lots of prays and thoughts are with u

Thank you all for welcoming me and your wonderful advice.,
I can so understand Nandou why you made that decision, and I'm sorry that it turned out that way.
Someone asked me if I used during my pregnancy and my answer is No, I did not, as soon as I was given another chance that I felt I needed at being a mom I was determined to make everything right, I have also gotten all my kids back and have been clean and sober for 4yrs now, I was in a very brutally abusive relationship before I met my fiance now whom I am speaking about, I was beaten daily verbally abused, raped violently and used and scared and "he" my ex would force me to smoke pot with him after I had stopped for many years and made me a pot head again which lead to drinking and cocaine like it did in my teen years, I felt lifeless when they took my kids because of my drinking and almost thought I would never get them back, I swear I have a guardian angel because I placed my self in many dangerous situations with very dangerous people almost in hopes one of them would take my life , but it never did, and I met Johnny" and he was just wonderful and it makes me cry right now becaause I really truly do love him and I'm so scared of loosing him and I miss him so much, he's never cheated on me, he's been there for me, he shows me love like nobody's every showed me and I just want to save him, just want him to stop. He reallyy doesn't have any family his mother died from drugs, his father died from being an alcoholic, everyone else is a drug dealer that's left, He has no one that's doing good to support him his cousin just makes him get high with her when ever she comes around, he always tells me if I ever leave him than he would take his own life by overe dosing because he'd have nothing left to live for...