I'm sorry no matter what they put us through when someone leaves it hurts.
From past post it seems she is not ready for the responsibility of family and sobriety. Sad for those you leave behind.
Hugs

I would also like to express my sympathy. What you have been through and what you've had to endure has surely had an effect on all levels.
When my first husband and I divorced it was because he just couldn't keep his hands to himself. He's 17 (!) yrs. older than I am. I was in my early 20's and had a lot going for me. But he was able to twist my self-esteem in knots & then say it was my issue & it really had nothing to do with him. (And in a way, that was true. I allowed him to make me feel like crap. But his actions didn't help matters!) He was not an addict to drugs, but he had control issues and was incredibly manipulative.
A few years after my divorce, I met a man that I had a lot in common with. However, once we started living together I discovered that he didn't just "like to have a beer now & then", it was every day, every night. He was emotionally & verbally abusive.
I am an intelligent person---I couldn't believe that I was involved with another man who (after awhile) treated me like I was nothing. Even though I asked him to leave, it still hurt as I watched his truck pull out of the driveway for the last time. I cried for hours. I loved the man, but not his habit. It took a few more years to slowly build my confidence again and re-gain a sense of self-worth. (Along with therapy!) But I did it.

I know how hard it is to suddenly realize that what you wanted isn't what you got. I am keeping you in my thoughts.

I, too, know how much it hurts when someone leaves. Looking back I can see that it was the death of the dream, not the person, that hurt so much.

I hope, somehow, you are able to gather the support that you need, but also what your kids need, especially now. This is a far more traumatic time for them than anyone may know. I didn't know until my kids got older and were able to tell me. It may not be fair, but it really is up to you to provide them with the stability and safe place they need to grow up emotionally healthy.

I totally agree with meghansnana. Its the death of the dream, not reality, that hurts. Its learning to let go of our hopes and dreams and the times that we see the person we love in the shell they have become. I think more and more that it seems almost impossible for a couple to survive rehab. The addict can only focus on themselves and may not come out the person that we love. And even if they do, so much damage has been done and the person that loves them just reaches a point of no return.

(((hugs)))

I'm sorry for the loss of your dreams about the marriage. We're not in relationships to make the other person happy. We're there because we expect an equal partnership where we are both honest with each other and can trust each other. When it turns out not to be equal, honest, or trustworthy, it breaks our hearts.

I remember you mentioned in one post that you felt you couldn't leave the marriage because you made vows to God. I hope you are able to see that God wants us to be safe and healthy and if it takes separation to do that then surely he permits people to do so. Separation can be painful for children but if in the longer term it makes them safer and healthier mentally then it is worth it.

My thoughts and prayers are with your children and you.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. It seems to me that you gave this marriage every possible chance, even when you knew that doing so was going to cause you ongoing pain. In the end, it's probably good that she is the one who made the choice to leave. I hope she is able to do what it takes to stay clean for the sake of the kids.

My husband wasnt home for almost a week. I knew where he was and talked to him almost daily, but it was a relief to be honest. I didnt feel the stress and didnt feel the need to constantly watch my back. When I look at my kids it saddens me that they cant remember the dad the once had, just the one who took from them etc. I am feeling stronger daily though .

Mossy, so sorry alot of us have been where you are. I hope and pray for the best for all of you. It was hard for me when my husband first left, but most of the stress left with him. I've read your posts and know you have tried very hard and been thru alot. Take care of yourself and your children. Maxi

sorry you are having such a hard time, remember to pray and ask the lord to help u make peace with the situation, i know you are in knots and im so sorry, i am here for you,contact me anytime,my heart hurts for you.