Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I truly believe that Mack doesn't want anything to do with heroin ever again. I see the determination in his face. I see the hatred for the drug in his eyes. He has realized that he threw away all that was good in his life for the drug. But this doesn't make him free and clear of the heroin. He will never be free and clear. He will always be an addict. If he doesn't use for 20 years, he will still be an addict. Relapse is a very real part of addiction. Our lives are forever changed because of this.
So I do believe him. And I am happy and proud of the decisions he's making. But I am still finding it very hard to trust him. I am trying. But there is still a lot of hurt in me. And he's having a hard time understanding that.
We had a heavy discussion this morning over him feeling trapped. He said that he hates feeling trapped. He just wishes that I could trust him again. Believe him when he says he's not going to use (which I do). And I told him that I don't want him to feel trapped and that I do believe he's not using. But if he does feel trapped it's because of his actions. Not mine. He put himself in this place. This was not my doing. I told him that I am willing to work on things. But we need to find a common ground that is built on compromise and understanding. I told him that I need to maintain my boundaries for my own sanity. And he needs to respect those boundaries. I once trusted him with all that I am. He is the one who shattered that trust. I am willing to work on it. But he needs to have patience. We need to find that common ground. A place where we are both comfortable. To lay the foundation so that we can rebuild. And it's not going to be an easy process. And it's not going to happen overnight. There will be ups and downs. But he has to be willing to try too. Otherwise, this won't work. Not at all.
Well, I hurt his little feelings this morning. I'm going to add this to the downs. He thinks I'm being unreasonable. But I can't be the only one doing all the bending. He has to give some too.
Oh well.... Maybe tomorrow he will be more understanding.
So I do believe him. And I am happy and proud of the decisions he's making. But I am still finding it very hard to trust him. I am trying. But there is still a lot of hurt in me. And he's having a hard time understanding that.
We had a heavy discussion this morning over him feeling trapped. He said that he hates feeling trapped. He just wishes that I could trust him again. Believe him when he says he's not going to use (which I do). And I told him that I don't want him to feel trapped and that I do believe he's not using. But if he does feel trapped it's because of his actions. Not mine. He put himself in this place. This was not my doing. I told him that I am willing to work on things. But we need to find a common ground that is built on compromise and understanding. I told him that I need to maintain my boundaries for my own sanity. And he needs to respect those boundaries. I once trusted him with all that I am. He is the one who shattered that trust. I am willing to work on it. But he needs to have patience. We need to find that common ground. A place where we are both comfortable. To lay the foundation so that we can rebuild. And it's not going to be an easy process. And it's not going to happen overnight. There will be ups and downs. But he has to be willing to try too. Otherwise, this won't work. Not at all.
Well, I hurt his little feelings this morning. I'm going to add this to the downs. He thinks I'm being unreasonable. But I can't be the only one doing all the bending. He has to give some too.
Oh well.... Maybe tomorrow he will be more understanding.
Now he expects you to just erase all of that and take him back home and trust him again. He is making this all about him--not about you. That's what they call "stinking thinking".
It's really good that he wants to come clean and that he has been clean for a few weeks. But, his pressure on you shows that he is still thinking like an addict. He wants to erase everything that happened and pretend everything is normal. A person truly in recovery needs to face their demons and make amends. There's a difference between not taking drugs and being in recovery.
An addict truly in recovery needs to focus on recovery. I've heard it recommended that they should not be in a relationship for about a year. It's only been a few weeks. Meanwhile, you need to focus on your own recovery and providing a stable environment for your child.
I'm proud of you for sticking to your boundaries and taking care of yourself. If his feelings are hurt, then so be it. Don't be guilted into doing something that you aren't ready to do.
Ask yourself how much more time and energy do you want to spend on this man.