Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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topazmoon1968 12/28/2010

My husband has been an alcoholic and drug addict since I have known him, over 15 years. We have a 9 year old son who is my life and an amazing boy.

My husband cannot stop drinking, and I don't think he wants to, but he was addicted to pain pills for a couple of years and started on Suboxone to get off of them. It worked, but he is still on the Suboxone and cannot get off of those now.

Anyway, recently his father passed away after a very quick battle with cancer. It was rather unexpected as the cancer took him within 3 months of his diagnosis. So, now my husband is having a really hard time dealing with it.

He could not sleep, and was having panic attacks, so of course, the doctor prescribed him Xanax - great. Just what he did not need.

Since he still drinks, the combo is bad. He is moody, and depressed and has been treating me very badly. It is not bad when he is not drinking - he is mostly in a daze. But, when he drinks - he is horrible. I can't talk to him about it because he does not listen and my son is starting to feel the effects even though he understands that he is upset about his father's death.

I know that HE knows something is wrong, but he is now a completely different person because I feel like he is miles away. I try to get to Alanon meetings when I can, but my schedule does not allow much time for it. I was also trying to find a therapist for myself, but my insurance does not cover the one that I like, so it is expensive. I am feeling lost and I don't know what to do next. I find myself dreaming of a life without him, but I don't think I can make that happen any time soon.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

katrinka 12/28/2010

It sounds like your husband need to find a therapist one who can help him straighten out some things. He's had a hard year and then with his dad dieing it sounds like he is depressed. Xanax mixed with alcohol which is a depressant. When your depressed you can't sleep, the world seems blah and you really no longer want to be part of anything. This is how I felt earlier this year, luckily I was seeing a therapist and she helped me along with taking Lexapro which helped me get out of the depression. I quit taking the Lexapro once I started to feel happier.
Maybe talk to him when he is sober and try to convince him to get some help.

deleted_user 12/29/2010

You said your husband can not stop drinking. You husband can stop..he doesnt want to. Thats his choice. Youre son is the true victim here.

deleted_user 12/29/2010

I'm sorry if that sounded mean. I used to say the same thing about my first husband, he was a drunk and even though I left him when my children were young they suffered greatly because of if. They are now 24 and 26 years old. Both are drug addicts and one is also an acoholic. One is in rehab now and as she is working through her program it has came out that alot of her problems were caused by her father. The fact that everything was always about him and his problem. He robbed them of their child hood. I have had to face the facts that I am partly to blame because I didnt kick him to the curb sooner. They saw the way he was abusive to me ans how everything was all about him and thought that was the way life was suppose to be, so the grew up to marry abusive men selfish men..

katrinka 12/29/2010

My friends brother couldn't quit drinking also. They sent him to numerous programs in the 80's and 90's. He would drink anything even rubbing alcohol and looked like a 90 yr old even tho he was only in his 50's. They committed him to mental hospitals, finally he died from all the yrs of drinking his body and liver gave out. His father was a abusive alcoholic and my friend is the sweetest person would do anything for anyone she married a mean alcoholic.
Vikki I know how you feel I do know that my staying too long with my first husband effected my children. Three don't drink and I'm lucky, one does drink but doesn't drink as much as she did after her husband left her for one of her best friends. But in this one daughter I see how my staying effected her.

topazmoon1968 12/30/2010

Thanks Katrinka and Vikki - I completely understand what you are saying. I know that he can stop and just chooses not to. He is so depressed right now and I don't want to be around it anymore. I think I am going to start looking into my options. I know I can't move or do anything right away, but I am going to start putting some money aside so that hopefully I can figure out something in the near future. I am also going to go back to a regular Al-anon meeting so I can get stronger. That is my biggest downfall, I am not strong, and I am having a hard time dealing with that. I don't want my son to suffer because of my husband's disease. The only thing that keeps me going is my son - he is the most important thing to me and that is what I have to remember, I need to do this for him. I just hope I can dig really deep for the strength I need.

katrinka 12/30/2010

When the counselor I went to when I was divorcing my first husband told me my children would either follow my path and marry a addict of be a addict I left. I didn't want them to go through what I had.
I think its good for you to go Alanon and get stronger and start making plans and saving money. For me having alittle money set back made me feel stronger not like I was dependent on someone.

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