Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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/ Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Husband is alcoholic

hatealcohol
hatealcohol

This is so hard. It’s my first post. My husband is an alcoholic. He did quit drinking in January because i gave him an ultimatum. But he throws it in my face often that I must not love him because I want to change him and that he only has one life to live and he should be happy living it doing what he wants. I know he loves me because he did quit but I worry daily he will start again. He refuses AA and or counseling. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated . Thank you

newlife3
newlife3
Hi!
I’ve been attending ALAnon and Love it. Found an amazing no BS counselor too. Without those 2 positives in my life I wouldn’t have found the mental strength to get on with my life, no longer riding the caraousal of addiction and taking the kids along with us. Every day is hard. But he’s got a demon on his back that I don’t have any control over. Finally realized that. Finally. Love to you!
hatealcohol
hatealcohol
Thank u for ur words. He just said to me he doesn’t want our marriage to end and he doesn’t feel it’s right if I leave if he starts drinking again. And he also said he can almost guarantee if he goes to a ballgame in future he will drink and if I feel I need to leave over that well then I better prepare myself ??... hurtful words from someone I’ve spent 16 yrs with. I don’t have money to start again on my own and we have debts together . I’m so sad and lost . I love him but don’t want to be an enabler
amandiii
amandiii
You are on the right track, you are not making it easy for him and not enabling. Attend an AA meeting, try to make a deal. Go to 1 session a month or something like that, start small, offer to go with him. Not easy, you need a lot of mental and emotional strength, seek support for your own as relationships with alcoholics se very exhausting. Wish you the best.
amandiii
amandiii
@newlife3 i have never attended a meeting but I think I need to. Is there support for spouses at those meetings?
christar
christar
hate alcohol. Sounds like a typical selfish, cold, non-empathetic statement (preparing for when he goes to ballgame) from an alcoholic. I myself am stunned by the things my drun k husband says and does. I am starting Al anon while I work on leaving (the one I'm with has all the traits of a sociopath but one). There are Al anon meetings and support online as well as co-dependency help CODA and a woman named Lisa A. Romano on you tube. I just started listening to her and she seems to know a thing or two about co-dependency - which is what those in a relationship with an untreated alcoholic are). Yes, I hate alcohol and even alcoholics too, but I know I have to work on myself as well.
We need to
Put the focus on taking care of ourselves not on what they say.
gingergirl1961
gingergirl1961
AA is not YOUR solution... it is for him.
Al Anon is for YOU... they are 2 different programs.

I got to Al Anon bc I have an alcoholic in my life. I make no "deals" with an alcoholic. They are addicts. They have a disease. I do not make "deals" with ppl that have cancer... how do you make a "deal" with a disease. Alcoholics do not have reasoning.

To deal w/ an alcoholic, you get help for YOURSELF and learn to draw boundaries. I love my alcoholic but I will not let him dictate my happiness or life.