Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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How do you stay strong?

Mellody
Mellody
I have more than one person in my family who are Addicts and they are all older and grown adults with children, i'm 21 and a college student trying to get my life together, and its just really bringing me down to watch them suffer and to see my family members be something so far off and different from what they us to be. It hurts so bad. sometimes i get really angry at them because its like do you not see this is effecting more then just you? but than i start to feel sad for them because i know they do not want to be the way they are. I can not control what they do i cant make them better it just sucks so bad. The drug of choice is pretty much everything for 2 of the people and for the other its pills. How do you deal with not being in control and how do you not let the things going on around you make you sad and depressed especially when there are kids involved? and is it wrong to have feelings of wanting to leave your family and just get away from it all?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wish I knew what to tell you. I am going thru it with my husband and he cannot see how much he is hurting the kids and I.

The fact is you can't make them see if they don't want to...All you can do is try to make a good life for yourself. Take care of you.
Mellody
Mellody
Thank you so much for your response, i really appreciate it.. it is good to know i am not the only one dealing with this, Best of luck to you and your family with everything.
deleted_user
deleted_user
To keep myself from going nuts, the first lesson I learned in dealing with addiction is setting rules and boundaries. Not just for the addict in my life but for me as well. My addict knows where I draw the line for what I expect from him but more importantly are the ones I laid down for myself. By following them I stay focused and strong when battling against my son's addiction and when things get too bad I have this great site to come to for support. It's a long uphill battle but if you take it one-day-at a time and ask for help you find your strength too.
Mellody
Mellody
Thank you for your response. I really like your idea about setting boundaries. I think having boundaries will help in the way of not making the situation seem so out of control. Thank you!
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
Not allowing myself to be used by anyone, without my permission...and giving myself permission to leave any situation I feel unhappy or uncomfortable with has really helped me in life in general.

Giving situations over to my "higher power" and knowing that it is not up to me to change it has also helped me not get so sick with stress.

And always having hope. If they are alive, there is hope. If they pass, there is peace.

Taking care of ourselves is our first responcibility. it is not selfish it is neccessary.
cardinal39
cardinal39
Surrendering to my higher power, learning the difference between helping and enabling,,,setting boundaries not just for the addict , but for myself, understanding that it's ok, to put yourself first ,, and not becoming an addict to your addict,,, detaching from the addict, but allowing myself to continue to love the person,, take one day at a time ,,,
Live like its your last
Laugh until your belly hurts
Love like its the first time

It's not how many breaths we take,,, it's those moments that take our breath away,,,, behind every dark cloud,,, the sun can shine through,,, you must keep your head up,,, so you can see that light

Where there is life,,,,, there is hope

Peace
Mellody
Mellody
wow thank i got way more advice than i expected "If they are alive there is hope" that is a great way of putting it. and not becoming an Addict to your Addict that really was pretty deep. Thank you guys so much. I will continue to give my problems to my higher power and try to be positive because you guys are right where ever there is life there is hope =)
dmatt124
dmatt124
The hardest lesson I have has to learn is that I cannot control anyone else, especially my son ( 8 months sober) but I can control myself. I started to realize that if I let my sons drug addiction consume me and take away my love of life, I let drugs win. So I looked at myself in the mirror one day and I said I will not allow drugs to take my son and I will not let it destroy my life and that's when I fought back. I gave my son over to my higher being and started to take my life back, wanting to get away from it all is very normal, but getting away doesn't mean leaving it can mean setting boundaries to what you will accept. I. So sorry you have to go through this at such a young age, but it is a process, always remember the 3 c's you didn't create this, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Each night I say the serenity pray. It helps. Stay strong sweetie, and keep coming here for strength.
Mellody
Mellody
Thank you so much i will continue to come here because i am starting to realize that i do have some control of my own life which i felt i didn't have before and that is because of the comments i got on here. and you are right drug win if you let it take away your happiness and i am not going to let it do that. Thank you so much